Friday, May 15, 2009

"... while I pondered weak and weary..."- Poe

So I know that most of the poem The Raven has nothing to do with this situation but the words weak and weary describe how I'm feeling, and this line keeps playing in my head. A few weeks ago in the hospital I can remember telling Marcus I felt weak and weary, (he didn't get the reference) but the weak and weary feeling has continued. I'm exhausted. Everything right now requires so much energy and between recovering from the c-section, pumping what seems like all the time everyday, and the hours spent in the NICU my body just wants to sleep for a week. I'm sure this too will pass and once I'm feeling physically better I think that will help.

Marcus had the day off yesterday so we spent the afternoon and evening with the babies. Both continue to do really well. Yesterday they were doing a trial run with Emerson off of her nasal cannula to see how she tolerated breathing just room air on her own. For the most part she did really well. They nurse said through out the day there were a few times when the levels dropped causing her monitor to alarm, but she was able to pull out of it each time on her own.

They also increased her feedings again to 27cc and she's digesting all of it. I also got to change her twice yesterday and while it's still a bit of a process I think I'll get better. There are wires everywhere and it's hard to work just sticking my hands through the two openings. I also took her temperature and changed her clothes. I wish we could be there more often so I could do that all the time.

Emerson also cracks us up because she pulls on her wires. She's been doing this since she was born. She hates them and the nurses all say that she's a feisty little thing. Yesterday she managed to pull her feeding tube out. I think she was pretty proud of herself, that is until they had to put it back in. Then she wasn't too happy, but she was using her tiny little arms to block the nurse and push it away. It was adorable. Then after they got it back in they swaddled her so she couldn't pull it out, but she squirmed her arms out the top of her swaddle and was pulling again. Poor baby, she really just wants to be left alone and without the wires and feeding tubes.

In final update news Emerson is down to 3lbs again, she lost an ounce, and they did an ultrasound of her head yesterday which is just standard practice for all premature babies. We don't have the results of that yet.

Eli, continues to show off. They increased his feedings again and have started supplementing his milk with a powder that mimics all the nutrients they would have received from me in the third trimester had they not decided to make an early arrival. It also adds more calories in an effort to fatten our baby up. Eli is back up to his birth weight now 3lbs 14oz. He seems so big compared to Emerson. I also got to snuggle with him for a long time yesterday. He's such a snuggily baby.

Yesterday, Eli decided to scare his parents a couple of times, by slipping out of his wires. Which caused his monitor's alarm to go off. I hate those stupid alarms (and they were going off like crazy yesterday for all the babies) and I was relieved each time to learn it was just a matter of wire connections. These crazy babies do not seem to be big fans of all their tubes.

Marcus and I are getting braver with the babies. Yesterday we attempted and accomplished our first baby hand off. One would think such things wouldn't be such accomplishments but for us they are. Marcus has very little experience with babies, and I have very little experience with such tiny babies. It was pretty funny we were talking it through and I kept reassuring Marcus that we weren't going to break her, and Marcus even managed to switch Emerson from one arm to the other. I guess we should be patient with ourselves we've only been at this parenting thing for a week.

I also continue to be so grateful for how well both of them are doing. Being in the NICU there are so many different extremes and challenges that some of these babies are facing. The little boy next to Emerson turned blue yesterday and stopped breathing in his moms arms (I saw him turn blue) it was terrifying seeing a baby just stop and tons of doctors literally running into the room to bag him. I can't even imagine what that was like for the parents, and the little girl next to Eli has been in the NICU since Jan. and there's no sign of her leaving any time soon. We mostly try and focus on our babies as that's what we're suppose to do, but my heart goes out to the other parents around us. At this point Marcus and I are so fortunate that are babies just need to grow and develop a little more.

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