Wednesday, May 13, 2009

Discharge day

Yesterday, after a month in the hospital I was discharged to go home. It was definitely bitter sweet. On one hand I was so tired of living at the hospital, but it was a great comfort knowing the babies were just a few floors below me and I could get to them in a few minutes. I took my time checking out and then Marcus and I went and spent several hours with the babies before going home.

Emerson was still on the lights being a glow baby and we still haven't held her. I think the nurses know we are getting anxious about our inability to hold her and the fact that we hadn't even really seen her face. So one of the nurses took off her tubes and hat and let us have a look at her precious face for only the second time. This time we were able to get a picture.

Both Marcus and I also had a chance to change the baby's diapers. For Marcus this was the first diaper he ever changed and he did a great job, although Emerson was very cooperative for her dad and didn't kick or squirm too much.

Then I changed Eli's diaper and the nurse this time didn't help at all. It took much longer than it should have, but his wires and IV on his feet kept getting tangled and then I think he was just annoyed with me so he started kicking and screaming. Poor baby I assured him that I would get better and faster at the task and it'll be easier when we don't have the plastic barrier to work around either.

Emerson is still about the same. She's being fed 6cc at this point and they have her exclusively on breast-milk because she tolerates it so much better and she didn't lose any more weight yesterday and is holding steady at 2lbs 15oz. She also had her first messy diaper yesterday which is a positive sign that the digestive stuff is starting to work. Haha it was really funny because the nurse showed us the diaper. Who knew we would one day be so excited about a messy diaper.

After spending time with the babies it was time to go home, and I hated every second of leaving the hospital without them. It's hard. I hate not being there all the time, I feel guilty that we can't be there for all the feedings and changes and it was so surreal to walk back into our apartment after so long, knowing that nothing would ever be the same, but for the moment things kind of were. It was sad. Both Marcus and I took a nap and then headed back to the hospital as fast as possible.

When we got back to the hospital we walked into room 4 and Eli wasn't there. This is not a nice thing to do to parents and both Marcus and I panicked. Turns out that Eli is doing so well that he was able to move up to room 2, and they needed his space for another baby. I totally understand that, but I hated that they didn't tell us before hand, and I hate that the babies are separated now. So last night we were bouncing back and forth between the rooms. Feeling guilty because we were in Eli's room for a lot longer since we could hold him. He's still so tiny, and his little preemie clothes still just swim on him. Marcus and I need to go shopping to buy him so more clothes that are hospital accessible. Since he can be dressed but still has IV's, monitors, and feeding tube wires to work around.

They were really apologetic about having to move him and this move is bittersweet. The fact that he's in room two means he's doing really really well. He's almost up to his full feeds now (still not taking a bottle) and other than that he is doing great with everything. He now weighs 3lbs 11oz, up an oz from yesterday. While on the other hand I really just want my babies to be together, so we can visit with both of them at the same time. I want to hold Emerson and I really want her to catch up some to her brother so she can make the move soon too.

As far as my healing goes. I'm sill really sore and moving is hard but getting some what easier. Our bed is really high and difficult for me to get into but we're managing and the pumping is still going really well. It makes me happy knowing I can at least do that much to help in the growth of our babies.

This is hard. I want our babies to come home.


~Jess said...


Christi said...

Sooo bittersweet. I totally understand..hugs to you. Yeah Emerson, keeping up that weight and yeah Eli for doing so well. I'll keep thinking of you.