Thursday, December 25, 2008

Christmas Day 13 weeks

13 weeks was a big one for us. I survived my first pregnant plane ride, which was absolutely miserable and I hope not to have to fly very much more during this pregnancy. Our first leg of the trip from Hartford to Las Vegas takes six hours and I was so uncomfortable. I was trying my best to stay hydrated but that then required a ton of trips to the bathroom which is just annoying on a plane, plus they don't feed you. We packed snacks but after a certain point I was ready for real food and not the stuff we packed.

Our flight was then delayed in Las Vegas for 6 hours and I continued my trend of having to go to the bathroom 472 times. Which may seem like an exaggeration but honestly that's what it felt like. We finally got to Reno and then had the two hour drive home, and 23 hours after leaving CT we finally made it home.

Of course we also shared with our families this week and while that moment was excited what followed was a little difficult for me to handle. I'm not used to so much commentary about what I'm eating, what I should be eating, how I'm feeling, how big I'm getting etc. And it made me feel uncomfortable. I hated people watching me eat to see if the quantity was more than it used to be and then commenting on it. I hated the non-stop questions about how I was feeling, and the constant staring at my stomach to see if they could "tell that I was pregnant."

I'm a self-conscious person my nature especially about food and my body and having people talk, speculate, and question those two things in particular was really uncomfortable for me. I know that this is my own issue and I've known since before I was ever pregnant that this would be something I struggled with (as it was a struggle before I was ever pregnant and had anything to talk about), I just wasn't ready for it to happen all at once. I did start this conversation about my anxiety regarding this with my therapist before I left and I suppose this new anxiety and frustration is something I'll have to continue to work on. I feel stupid even writing about this because I logically know that it's a unreasonable but that doesn't change the reality that it's something that I struggle with a great deal and it's magnified now that I'm pregnant.

13 Weeks

Wednesday, December 24, 2008

The big reveal (telling our families)...

Marcus and I always knew that if we were ever successful in actually getting pregnant we wanted to tell our families in person. I thought of calling them up and telling them this news just didn't seem right to me. However, that meant waiting until I was 13 weeks to share with anyone (except Jess who was great with our secret).

There was also the matter of how to tell. I've had years to think about how I would tell and over time the plans changed some, but we finally decided that we would use ultrasound pictures and wrap them up in some sort of frame and album and tell them that way. Then the night before we left I was bored and decided that I would attempt to adapt the poem "The Night Before Christmas" to suit our needs (that poem is much longer than I remember and I didn't use all of it). I came up with what can only be described as the corniest poem ever, but Marcus loved it, thought it was hilarious, and insisted we use it and so that's what we did.

Here's my adaptation of the poem: With ultrasound pictures placed strategically in the album to correspond with the lines in the poem.

Twas the night before Christmas and all through the house,
Not a creature was stirring not even a mouse.
The stockings were hung somewhere with care,
And Marcus and Sadie had big news to share.

For years they wanted children to tuck into bed,
And visions of a family danced in their heads.
Together we kept praying and tried to have hope,
But nothing went our way like some big cosmic joke.

But finally in October Sadie felt a little fatter,
So she took a test to see what was the matter.
Away to the doctor we flew like a flash.
Excited, but nervous that our hopes would be dashed.

When what to our wandering eyes did appear,
But our perfect little miracles our baby so dear.
So tiny and perfect at only 5 weeks,
We prayed that this baby would be ours to keep.

As the news sunk in and with our joy we did cry,
We returned to the doctor and she exclaimed, “Oh my!”
Anxiously we waited to see what she knew,
Then we learned we weren’t having one baby, but TWO!

Until July 2nd the twins will remain out of sight,
But here’s a glimpse of our Baby A…

And Baby B to wish you a good night.

Then we had the dilemma of when to share the news. I really thought we should tell before church on Christmas Eve because in my opinion the dress the I was wearing made me look pregnant, and I didn't want anyone speculating. This didn't actually work out because my mom had to work all day before church and we couldn't tell my in-laws and then expect them not to say anything until after church. So by default we decided that after church we would tell Marcus' parents and my mom and siblings.

After church we went to my in-laws first because they have a tradition of opening one package on Christmas eve (and it's always new pajamas). Marcus then handed them the small package and we told them to read. A couple of times my mother in law looked up so we had to tell her to keep reading so she could also find out that we were having twins. This is the only picture we have from that moment.

Marcus' parents.

Marcus' brother who was also sitting in the room caught on pretty quickly but he was surprised that were having two and later he hugged me and said, "Good Job" which I thought was a hilarious response.

After sharing with my in-laws we went to my mom's house and repeated the process. We quietly handed my mom the same small package and told her to keep reading. She was excited and surprised and immediately wanted to call everyone she knew, and we let her. My sisters were also excited at the prospect of being aunts (finally). We called my brother and his wife, and my Aunt in Minnesota, and then I called my Aunt who lives just down the road and my cousin Max who is six mentioned that he wanted at least one of the babies to be a boy.

The next morning Christmas day we continued to call and share with extended family. We called Marcus brother and his wife in Phoenix, and our grandparents. My grandparents were shocked (I think they had given up on us having kids anytime soon) and were so excited that it was twins. My Mama mou's side of the family (my grandma) has a ton of twins all over the place, so the fact that I was continuing that family tradition seemed to thrill her. Marcus grandma didn't believe him and it took a lot of convincing to finally get her to believe that we were actually having twins.

And then we were done sharing and let our moms and families spread the news for us.

I'm glad we waited to share.

Monday, December 22, 2008

Not Sleeping well (12w4d)

These past couple of nights have been awful. I can't seem to find a comfortable sleeping position (which is ridiculous because I don't even have a belly yet) but if I turn it feels like my entire stomach is being ripped apart. I also wake up at all hours to go to the bathroom and it takes another couple of hours to get comfortable again and go back asleep, and I wake up from hunger. Which is so bizarre. At 2 am last night I woke up and my stomach was grumbling but the thought of actually eating something also did not seem like a good plan. These crazy babies.

But we're going home tomorrow! I'm hoping the flight and our connection goes smoothly and I plan on packing lots of snacks since I need to eat and planes don't actually feed you these days.

Friday, December 19, 2008

12 weeks 1 day

I can't believe I'm already 12 weeks. In some ways this has gone so fast. This morning I had another random throwing up experience with breakfast. I had only eaten half of my waffle and apparently it was not the thing I needed to be eating. I can't figure out why it's so random or sporadic but I suppose I should be grateful that despite the nausea I've only thrown up twice.

I've also starting having a few cravings but they're very random and fleeting. Usually I'll read about or see a certain food and I'll want it for about two seconds and then it won't sound good anymore, except for Pizza Hut breadsticks those have been a favorite lately.

Other than there's really nothing exciting to report. I'm still just here. I have no idea if I've gained any weight aside from the pound a few weeks ago because we don't have a scale and I'm getting more and more anxious to share our news. I think after our NT scan it feels more real and I feel a little more secure in the pregnancy after all the random bleeding.

I can't wait to tell our families.

Pretty boring update, but here's the 12 week picture, nothing exciting.

NT Scan

We had our NT scan yesterday and everything looked great. Baby B's neck measurement was 1.1 and Baby A's was 1.8 which is on the low side of normal. We're still waiting on the blood test results. This was by far the best ultrasound that we've had. Our babies actually look like babies and we could see them moving all over the place.

Baby B kept trying to put it's hand in it's mouth and then every so often it would just jump then it would rest and the tech would poke my stomach and it would jump again, and Baby A was moving all over the place and at one point went upside down on it's head. Hilarious and they were so cute. We could see their little hands and feet which they would cross and then uncross, and it was the first time that it really seemed real that we were having babies. Two little babies that are ours. It's crazy and I'm so in love with them already. I'm probably a little bias but they were the cutest 12 week gestation little babies I've ever seen (I suppose they're really the only ones I've ever seen) but I'm so grateful that they're both doing okay.

Their heart rates were great and their measuring a little head, our little Baby B which the RE cautioned we may lose has caught up. I'm hoping to scan the pictures at some point from the ultrasound but for now here's a not so good picture of Baby A and Baby B.

First Baby A

And here's Baby B who was a lot more cooperative so we have clearer pictures of this one.

Tuesday, December 16, 2008

11 Weeks (late)

I've been meaning to post this for days but well finals and studying put a huge damper on all of my other activities, and I should mention that taking finals while pregnant is one of the worst ideas ever. These babies simple refuse to allow me to stay up long enough to study. There were moments when I physically couldn't keep my eyes open any more and had to go to bed, the babies are dictating my schedule whether I like it or not. I wonder if it will be better or worse to be in the third trimester during finals in the spring?

Anyways not a whole lot to report. I've been waking up in the middle of the night starving and in the morning if I don't eat immediately I feel really nauseous. I keep waiting for the nausea to go away completely but it ebbs and flows. Some days I feel fine and other day I gag and dry heave all day fun stuff.

Last friday, per the request of my OB I saw a nutritionist. The verdict I'm not eating enough. Which is so frustrating because I eat when I'm hungry and I just feel like the amount of food I'm suppose to eat is so unrealistic. It's so much. I'm also a really picky eater (which the nutritionist picked up on right away) and so it's a struggle getting in all of the food groups. Although she did give me a few tricks that I didn't think of. Like the fact that fortified orange juice counts as a fruit who knew? Also things like pudding have calcium in them, so I'm trying, and Marcus made me a list of food for the day, and then left a variety of snacks on the table for me to take while I was studying. He takes such good care of me the worrier that he is.

I also told my three good friends at school. Their reaction was priceless. They're all so excited and can't wait for babies. (Which I'm grateful for because I'm hoping that enthusiasm will translate to some help should my class schedule require it). I did find it interesting that when I said it was twins, one of the first questions was, "Did you use fertility drugs?" Then they also remembered that twins run in my family... weird. I'm also so grateful that none of them have asked if this was planned. I hate that question and it's a sensitive subject for me. These babies were so planned, but again whether they were or weren't it's really not anyone's business.

That's about all for week eleven. We have our NT scan on Thursday so we're excited for a nice long look at our babies (especially since they should look like babies now and less like gummy bears).

And since I started last week I guess I'll continue with the belly pictures. Week eleven (I was using my belly band for the first time as my pants by the end of the day are a little snug, but I moved it for the purpose of the picture). Marcus and I notice a difference but I still think it's mostly not obvious to anyone else. Oh, and in a little over a week we finally get to tell our family. I can't believe we actually kept the secret for the last few months. When we tell I'll be 13 weeks. It'll be nice to have someone I can ask questions too. So many times I've wanted to pick up the phone and call my aunt, but I think it'll be worth it to tell in person.

Sunday, December 7, 2008

10 week belly picture

I've been taking belly pictures since 5 weeks (at Marcus' insistence) even though it's all just bloat and fat, but he's exciting and so I guess this is the week I'm going to get over my embarrassment of the pictures and just post them. Maybe at some point I'll go back and post the previous 5 weeks as well.

Today at 10w3d is the first day that my pants have been noticeably uncomfortable, just a little too tight. Here's a picture of my fat... just what you wanted to see.

Thursday, December 4, 2008

10 Weeks

So first as a follow up to the itching post I went to the doctor yesterday after they called and emailed saying I needed to be ASAP. I'm not sure what all the hysteria was about (besides making Marcus worry like crazy. This pregnancy has caused us to switch roles usually I worry about everything, but Marcus does enough of that for both of us so I try to be the voice of reason). We waited an hour to be seen by my OB and then all she had to say was, "It's a little early for it to be a rash that's most commonly related to pregnancy so why don't you go see a dermatologist."

Excellent glad I wasted my time. Although we did get to see the babies again. (Maybe the doctor can sense our uneasiness and since we hadn't seen them in two weeks she did another quick ultrasound). They're both still there with heartbeats and they're starting to look a little more like babies and not blobs.

In weight gain news I'm only up a pound (which also has Marcus worried) but I'm sure all of that will come in time. Although the OB does want me to see a nutritionist since I'm having twins. I'll be grateful for any help the nutritionist can give, and maybe it'll stop Marcus from trying to force food on me all the time.

I did see the dermatologist who also doesn't know what's going on but gave me some suggestions of things to use that are safe in pregnancy. He was really nice (and I've had some odd dermatologists) and he wants to see me again in two weeks to see if the itching is any better. (So far it's not). I probably look like I have fleas going around every where itching. Fun stuff.

Other than that not much to report. I've had a few days when I felt more energetic and less nauseous and then the next day it was all back. Marcus is anxious to go home and announce our news. Everyone he works with already knows and apparently his boss was already making fun of how large I was going to be with twins, and then she mentioned something about poking my stomach. I think I'll be avoiding his work place for the duration of the pregnancy...

I still haven't told my close group of friends, sooner or later I suppose I'll have to as I'll no longer be able to hide.

Wednesday, December 3, 2008

Itchy Skin... **update**

My skin is out of control. My stomach, back, and legs itch non-stop and they have for a couple of weeks now. At first I didn't pay much attention to it or even connect it to the pregnancy but it's to a point where I can't stop itching my skin. I emailed my doctor to see if

a.) it is related to pregnancy,
b.) if it's something I should be concerned about
c.) how do I make it stop.

There's no noticeable rash, but I'm so uncomfortable all the time. Hopefully she'll get back to me quickly. (I did a quick google search on itching in pregnancy that was a bad idea, there are many scary things associated with itching). I'm just going to wait for the doctor.

The doctor not only emailed me back but called as well to tell me that I needed to come in for an appointment as soon as possible. I'm going today at 2:20 and they're going to determine if it's something serious. Damn it who knew that itchy skin could actually be a problem It's not in anything that I've read and I honestly didn't think I needed to tell the doctor sooner. Hopefully it's no big deal.

Thursday, November 27, 2008

9 weeks and morning sickness has arrived...

just in time for thanksgiving. I really thought I was going to avoid the whole throwing up thing as I've been lucky up until this point, but no such luck. Now I'm nervous about going over to someone's house for thanksgiving and attempting to eat and fearing that it's not going to work so well.

Marcus has been waiting for this day because he seems to have some crazy notion that I'm not actually pregnant unless I have morning sickness, he's nuts. And he wants me to eat again since obviously the first breakfast didn't work out, but I'm a little hesitant. This better stop before classes start again. How awkward would that be, and our classrooms are really not designed for easy and subtle exits. All kinds of embarrassment may be awaiting me these next few weeks of school.

I'm still exhausted and fight to stay awake pretty much everyday, but all in all it's not to bad. Also the spotting has for the most part stopped this week and no more bleeding which is a huge relief I don't think I can handle any more scares.

Here's hoping thanksgiving dinner goes okay.

Saturday, November 22, 2008

Everything looks okay...

The ultrasound showed two healthy babies with strong heart beats and no noticeable reason for the bleeding. What a relief. Marcus and I were a mess before going, to the point that Marcus has been preparing himself for the worst.

Baby A: Measured 8w4d (three days ahead yay!) with a heart beat of 176 bpm.
Baby B: Measured 8w1d (right on target) with a heart rate of 164 bpm.

Both the ultrasound tech and my OB said that those heart rates were perfect and everything looks great. I still wish we had a reason for the bleeding or better yet that it would just stop happening. Marcus was so cute yesterday when it was over, you could just see the relief in his eyes. Poor guy.

This is also the first ultrasound we've left where everything looked okay. So okay in fact that I don't have to have another ultrasound next week (first time in four weeks). I'm hoping for a very uneventful next few weeks until our next appointment on December 8th.

Thursday, November 20, 2008

8 weeks and a bigger scare...

I keep waiting for a week when everything goes okay but apparently no such luck. Around 5:30 I was having some significant cramping in my lower back and uterus. So I laid down to take a nap. When I woke up at 6:30 I was bleeding heavy red blood, and it hasn't stopped.

It's way worse than the bleeding at 5 weeks, at the doctor at urgent care did very little to alleviate my fears. There's nothing to be done right now I'm just suppose to rest and then they'll try and get me in to see the doctor before our already scheduled ultrasound. I'm trying to stay calm, but I'm so so scared and so is Marcus.

I don't understand why this keeps happening. I'm praying that everything is okay with our babies. I'm so scared.

The on call doctor was also kind of a jerk about the fact that in his words, "You're only 24 what were you doing see an RE?"

Really not the appropriate moment to make stupid assumptions about a persons fertility based on age.

This has been the week from hell for so many reasons and this really doesn't help. Not to mention I didn't go to an important event for my internship tonight and I know that I'm going to have to offer an excuse. I'm really not in the mood to discuss my pregnancy issues and concerns with my 60 year old male supervisor.

Thursday, November 13, 2008

7 weeks /First OB appointment...

I keep waiting for an appointment when I leave feeling like everything is okay. *sigh* Overall the appointment was standard medical history, a bunch of forms, weight (123 still haven't gained anything), exam, tons of blood work, etc.

I caught my OB up to speed on the bleeding and the last ultrasound with the second baby measuring behind, so she decided to do another ultrasound. Both babies still have heartbeats but now both are measuring behind. The baby that was measuring 6w1d last week is now measuring 6w according to her machine. How is that even possible? And the second baby that was measuring 5w6d is now measuring 6w4d. They should both be 7 weeks.

What the hell? Now I'm really freaked out that something is wrong with both babies and there's nothing I can really do. I'm hoping it's just a matter of different machines. My OB's machine was older and she did say she was having a hard time getting a reading. I go in next friday on a better machine for another ultrasound but until then I guess I'll just continue to worry.

She also told me to cancel my appointment with the RE tomorrow, but part of me wants to go and see if she gets a different reading on the dates using her machine. Marcus is really worried and I feel so bad because there's nothing that can be done. I wish he would have been able to go to this appointment with me.

Right now I'm trying to be positive as of today both babies have heart beats... I'm trying to hold onto that.

Friday, November 7, 2008

6 weeks 1 day and pregnant with twins!

We had our follow up ultrasound with the doctor today to check on the status of our baby and hopefully see a heartbeat. Instead we found another baby and saw two heartbeats. Holy crap! There is a little bit of concern with the second baby though because it's measuring at only 5w6d and the heartbeat was much slower, and it just doesn't look as healthy as the other one.

My doctor was very cautious in warning us that she doesn't know what's going to happen, but given the smaller size and slower heart beat it's possible we'll lose that baby.

She also still sees an area in the uterus where I might still be bleeding. We'll go back next friday for another look to see how they're both doing, but for right now I'm pregnant with twins.

Below in the first ultrasound picture you can see the two sacks, the one on the bottom is noticeably smaller. The other two images are of the stronger of the two babies.

Friday, October 31, 2008

Huge scare this morning...

I woke up to red blood this morning and immediately panicked. It was only 6:30 so the doctor wasn't open yet not to mention the whole confusion about who to call the RE or the OBGYN. I called urgent care and spoke to a doctor who wasn't very helpful but said go to the lab and do another HCG he would order it. Only when I get to the lab he didn't order it and according to all of the people at urgent care there was no record of my call, which just about pushed me over the edge.

I called my RE (again) and my doctor called me back at 9:00 and had me come. The ultrasound looked normal for this stage in the pregnancy so for right now the baby is still there, but she did see what could be blood in the ultrasound. I'm still spotting some and I'm terrified. I go back in on Tuesday for another ultrasound, and I'm suppose to limit all activity. I don't know how I'm going to make it these next few days.

The first look at our little pebble. 5 weeks 1 day. We're hoping it snuggles it and hangs around for the next 35 weeks.

Thursday, October 30, 2008

5 Weeks Today...

Nothing exciting to report at this point. I'm tired and I have random waves of nausea but that's about it. Oh, and now a few more people know about my pregnancy. My Therapist (his reaction was really great) since he knows our trouble, and it was nice to have someone to talk through some of the anxieties that I've been having. Nothing major just the normal early pregnancy fears.

My OBGYN also knows and it's funny because she emailed me about it. I guess my RE sent her my Beta results (the two of them worked together on the septum surgery) and she also conveyed her excitement for us and told me to make an appointment...

So I did I'll see my OB Nov 13, exactly two weeks from today. When the receptionist found out that we had gone through fertility treatments she wanted to get me in as soon as she could and before she hung up she said, "This is exciting news isn't it?" haha yes it really is. One week until our ultrasound.

Wednesday, October 29, 2008

Beta # 2

Beta #2 at 19 dpiui was 2561! It was more than we were hoping for. So I think I can finally believe that I'm pregnant. We have our first ultrasound next friday, at 6 weeks 1 day (according to my calculations). Hopefully everything will continue to be on track.

Other than that not much to report. Overall I still feel okay. A little more tired than usual, but I'm always tired anyways so it's not really that big of an adjustment. Marcus is completely adorable about all of this. Asking how the baby is doing, making sure I'm eating enough. He's also taken to reading the pregnancy book we bought. So cute, I love him.

Friday, October 24, 2008

First beta....

is 311 at 14 dpiui. I'm really pregnant and my progesterone is at 50 which they said is good. Yay! I'll do another beta Monday I don't know why they're making me wait so long.

Thursday, October 23, 2008

No Beta today..

All day I waited by the phone for the beta results and it didn't ring once. I finally called the office around 4 and I guess they're going to get back to me tomorrow. This is killing me, why are they doing this? I did take a digital test last night (Marcus was true to his word in getting me another one). It's a good sign that it came up positive at 9pm right? Hopefully we'll have actual numbers tomorrow.

Wednesday, October 22, 2008

Telling Marcus (Video now included)

Please forgive our awkwardness we're not used to positive tests.

I was pretty amused by Marcus reaction especially after watching it. Some of my favorite comments all of which are kind of hard to hear;

"eww you peed on this"

"we better get you another test just in case"

"about time"

and after we turned off the camera he just kept smiling and saying "I don't know what to do"

I don't think he really believed it, and well I don't fully believe it yet either. I had beta and progesterone blood test today and should have the results sometime tomorrow. But for now I'm pregnant.

I'm pregnant!!