Monday, February 1, 2010

So tired of the comments...

I spent my pregnancy dealing with ridiculous comments and questions, I now face the random weird twin questions and stares from people, but I am so tired of the questions regarding my judgment about having children.

I ran into my former boss (from my first year of grad. school). She was talking to me about how she hadn't met the babies yet, how old they were, basic things like that. But then she asked the dreaded, annoying, none of your business question. "So was this a surprise."

At this point my standard answer is always, "Just the twin part." That's the best I can come up with. She either didn't get what I was saying or wasn't listening because she then followed it up this lovely gem.

"When I heard you were pregnant all I thought was, what were you thinking. But these things happen all the time."

Okay. What the hell? I so badly wanted to tell her that my babies were more than planned and that it's insulting to assume and question the judgment of a grown woman about when and how she and her partner chose to have a family.

I don't understand why being a female grad student means that I shouldn't have children (none of my male classmates with children have encountered this problem). I was employed as was my husband, I have amazing insurance which paid for everything 100%, and in many ways being a grad. student allows me flexibility with my schedule and with child care.

Is it easy? No of course not but having twins is never easy but no one can tell me that it would have been any easier once I graduated and was working a full time job. My months of bedrest would have been complicated with my job instead of school, I would need child-care for 8 plus hours a day instead of the few hours when I have class and I would still have work to do in the evening.

I'm just annoyed with peoples inability to maintain any amount of common decency. I am a smart educated woman, married to a smart educated man and together we made the decision to have a family at this point in our lives and frankly that is nobodies business.

There now I feel a little better.

1 comment:

~Jess said...

I don't get people or why anyone thinks it's ok to call into question someone else's judgement...there is absolutely nothing for them to gain by it.

I pretty much got the "These things happen all the time" from my boss when I told her I was pregnant last year. Like I wasn't an adult and married and "whoops! how did that happen?!" It's so demeaning.