Thursday, December 25, 2008

Christmas Day 13 weeks

13 weeks was a big one for us. I survived my first pregnant plane ride, which was absolutely miserable and I hope not to have to fly very much more during this pregnancy. Our first leg of the trip from Hartford to Las Vegas takes six hours and I was so uncomfortable. I was trying my best to stay hydrated but that then required a ton of trips to the bathroom which is just annoying on a plane, plus they don't feed you. We packed snacks but after a certain point I was ready for real food and not the stuff we packed.

Our flight was then delayed in Las Vegas for 6 hours and I continued my trend of having to go to the bathroom 472 times. Which may seem like an exaggeration but honestly that's what it felt like. We finally got to Reno and then had the two hour drive home, and 23 hours after leaving CT we finally made it home.

Of course we also shared with our families this week and while that moment was excited what followed was a little difficult for me to handle. I'm not used to so much commentary about what I'm eating, what I should be eating, how I'm feeling, how big I'm getting etc. And it made me feel uncomfortable. I hated people watching me eat to see if the quantity was more than it used to be and then commenting on it. I hated the non-stop questions about how I was feeling, and the constant staring at my stomach to see if they could "tell that I was pregnant."

I'm a self-conscious person my nature especially about food and my body and having people talk, speculate, and question those two things in particular was really uncomfortable for me. I know that this is my own issue and I've known since before I was ever pregnant that this would be something I struggled with (as it was a struggle before I was ever pregnant and had anything to talk about), I just wasn't ready for it to happen all at once. I did start this conversation about my anxiety regarding this with my therapist before I left and I suppose this new anxiety and frustration is something I'll have to continue to work on. I feel stupid even writing about this because I logically know that it's a unreasonable but that doesn't change the reality that it's something that I struggle with a great deal and it's magnified now that I'm pregnant.

13 Weeks

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