Thursday, March 15, 2012

I'm still sensitive to Mother's Day...

Church's like to do things on mother's day, and on one hand I totally get that. But the other part of me that knows the hurt and pain of wanting to be a mother and not being able to is still very present.

I was talking with my church member's recently about their traditions and they mentioned they always do something on both mother's and father's day.

Then they told me my job as the pastor was to come up with some "games" for which mother's would be rewarded. They gave examples like, "Who has been a mother the longest, mother with the most children, etc. etc."

The entire time they were talking I was cringing on the inside. I can't do that. I really just can't do that. I can not be part of a church that could potentially inflict harm on a women who is currently facing infertility or pregnancy loss, or a woman who is the past faced infertility and due to any number or reasons remains childless.

At my last church a much older woman once said to me, "I'm one of the women who just couldn't have kids. It's one of the big "why" questions I have about the world." I so get that. At my last church it was a day to honor women, and I spoke with the senior pastor about being the intentionality of remembering women for whom this day was painful for whatever reason. Not just being childless but perhaps because their own mother was gone.

I had flowers on the altar in their honor and I lifted up in prayer all those for whom was a painful reminder of loss of what is not yet, or what may never be.

This topic randomly came to my mind because I got a catalogue in the mail today which has a ton of "Stuff" that churches can give to mother's on mother's day and so many of the printings made me cringe.

"Christian moms make a difference"

"The love of a mother is like no other"

"God's love comes through a mother's touch"

"A mother's love is a gift from God"

And on and on and on. 

I guess I will need to continue to prayfully consider how I will honor the traditions of my new church, while also being sensitive to my own journey and the journey of others. (I simply cannot make games up and offer rewards. I just don't think I can do that.) 

I would love to hear other people's thoughts on the subject if you're so inclined. 


Creole Wisdom said...

I think you are brilliant.

I have always wanted to be a mother. I'm not "old," but certainly things are not going as I have planned. Mother's day doesn't hurt me but at Church it can come up. I guess I am just extra sensitive at Church, and you know on the holidays, too? Half the time I worship I sort of feel like crying (which I realize is a good thing), but if someone said 'Christian moms make a difference,' well, that might just send me over the edge :/

I think the good thing is that people are more aware of things now. I just don't make assumptions or ask questions of sensitive subjects because we are all dealing with something.

I love the idea of using mother's day to honor women- are we not all mothers in our own way?!?

~Jess said...

I would just be honest with your church about it. I can't imagine they would have an issue with honoring ALL women.