Wednesday, April 8, 2009

Cervix check = I'm really scared

More bad news. I had a cervix check this morning with the MFM and my cervix continues to disappear. On Friday at the hospital it was between 1.6-2.0 cm now a mere 5 days later it's between .7-.9 cm which is pretty much nothing. I could tell immediately during the scan that it was shorter because I couldn't really even see the cervix any more, and our little boy is right there just waiting to make an exit.

I'm so scared. According to the doctor there's really no question that I will go pre-term it's just a matter of when. It could literally be any day, and as she put it, "Each day I'm still pregnant is a good thing." I left the office in tears. I'm trying to stay calm, I know that the doctors have done everything they can do, the babies have the steroid shots, but they're still too tiny. The thought that these babies could be born any time soon is almost too much for me to think about right now. I wish I knew why this was happening. If it was something I did, if my body just sucks and doesn't like being pregnant.

I'm praying that we get several more weeks, but if my cervix continues to disappear at this same rate and with the positive fFN I'm not very optimistic. We have another cervix check in the week. I really really hope we make it to that appointment.

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