Tuesday, July 12, 2011

It's been three years...

and why I still hate infertility. Three years ago (almost to the day) we made our donor selection and purchased 12 vials of donor sperm. We purchased 12 vials because that would give us 6 chances at trying to have kids, and we have always been very adamant that if we were using DS, and we wanted additional kids that they all come from the same donor. (We have our reasons for this that I can further explain if anyone is interested. I'll also mention that I have no judgment for those who have to use multiple donors for any number of reasons).

As part of purchasing 12 vials we got three years of free storage. So after getting pregnant and using 4 vials to do so, the remaining 8 have been in storage and we haven't had to think about it, until now.

We recently got an invoice in the mail because the free storage is up, and now we have some decisions to make and frankly we don't know what to do. At this moment in time I cannot even think about attempting another pregnancy. I'm just now feeling really good after the trauma and the PPD/anxiety. At this point I honestly don't know if I ever want to attempt another pregnancy.

I'm worried about another multiples pregnancy and the complications that we faced last time, except this time I would be facing those complications in addition to already mothering the two kids I have at home, plus having to leave work for an extended period of time. Not to mention I had much better insurance while at Yale then I do now, which is the worst insurance in the history of mankind, it's seriously as though I have no insurance.

Adding to this the cost of storage which is almost $600 a year that we have to come up with right now, I just don't know what we should do.

We could sell the vials back, but if we do that we are essentially making the decision that we're done having kids and I'm not fully ready to make that decision yet either, and Marcus has expressed his desire for ONE more baby (notice the emphasis on one).

We only have another week to decide what we're going to do before the payment deadline.

Stupid, infertility.

I hate this. I hate that we're forced to even think about things like storage fees, and the availability of vials. (The donor we selected left the program shortly after we purchased our vials, so our 8 are likely the only remaining vials in existence).


creole wisdom said...

My heart goes out to you.

I hate infertility, too. I've never tried to start a family, but a dear friend of mine went through it. I felt powerless and upset that SHE had to go through it. It's awful.

What a difficult decision. I'll keep you in my prayers.


Carlita said...

Oh no. This is difficult. I sincerely hope that you can afford to pay the storage fee, though. You are super young and you may feel ready to go through another pregnancy down the road after you've been settled for a while and the twins are more independent. I know it stinks but money does come into the decision to have kids even when a couple is totally fertile.

~Jess said...

Bah! Not fair....none of it. I'll be praying for you guys. One thing though, if you do an unmedicated-monitored cycle with trigger, you would have less of a chance of multiples, and being you have so many vials left you would have a pretty good chance of a BFP. Just a thought.

We still have those two vials sitting in storage too...and I know we'll use them...just a matter of when. I definitely don't want 5 (or 6) kids under 5 lol


sadie607 said...

Jess we did our first cycle unmedicated and it was an epic disaster and it cost us so much money out of pocket even though going in I knew there was no chance in heck that cycle worked. The doctors weren't even optimistic about that cycle. I honestly feel like we just wasted a couple thousand dollars and two vials with the unmedicated cycle.

Good lord it was a mess haha, and ironically we were so determined to avoid multiples which is why we went the unmedicated route to start with. Because of money concerns when we did our second round we felt like we had to some medication to help regulate things to avoid the waste of money and resources that was the first attempt.

Again it goes back to money. Chance crazy, irregular non medicated cycles and waste valuable money and vials or chance multiples.

Its okay we got a "surprise" check in the mail from my old job with some money they still owed me so we now have enough to cover the fee. We'll pay it and re-evaluate every year from here on out. At least now we can save a little each month so the cost doesn't seek up on us like this year.

Thanks everyone for your comments and support.