I have a pedometer...

and it's possible that this could be my new obsession haha.

Turns out that right in line with my goal to start exercising the annual conference of the denomination I'm part of started  health initiative of their own. They invited all the pastors in our geographic area to get a pedometer, track our steps and exercise, and get money if we meet our goals.

Sign me up!! Today is my first day with the pedometer and apparently I'm suppose to get 7,000 steps, but since several thousands of my steps come from running and other exercise I get bonus points for those.

I'm pretty excited for the cash incentive to keep exercising, plus I'm down 3 lbs from where I was a week ago when I stopped drinking soda and started moving.

It might interest you to know that pastors are among the most unhealthy group of people in a profession. Our average age is really high (like in the 50 or 60s) I'm trying to help lower that average, and so much of our work involves sitting. Sitting, while reading, writing sermons, leading prayer, leading bible studies etc.

Add the stress and the bizarre hours and it's a recipe for a health disaster (plus it doesn't really inspire insurance companies to want to insure us a group). Hence pedometers for the pastors.

Right now I'm at 6326 steps for the day (over 3000 came from my run). I've been debating trying to read a book while walking around my backyard. I could gain a new reputation as the quirky pastor who wanders aimlessly trying to read and not fall down.

Marcus also started running last week and he's already lost 5 lbs it's kind of unfair that it seems so much easier for guys to lose weight. Here's to health (and some cash incentives) haha.

Total Steps for the day = 10,023

My children are thieves & other musings...

My children are thieves... or maybe they just like to borrow things.

It started with our camera. We haven't seen it since October. We've had to resort to using our super old digital camera from 2005, when 5 megapixels was super awesome.

In the last few weeks the following items have gone missing:

1. My make-up, all of it. I searched and searched and finally found it in our hamper.
2. My glasses, again I searched to no avail, I was forced to read an entire novel and write a sermon without them. It was tragic. Those turned up a couple of days ago in Eli and Emerson's hamper.
3. Marcus' ipod. Marcus got a new on in the meantime and then one day Emmy found the other one and ran out excitedly yelling "I find ipod".
4. An entire manilla envelope full of church bulletins. I like to pull out old bulletin's from time to time for inspiration. Alas, they are no where to be found (not even in any hampers).

They also take spoons with regularly to dig holes in the backyard or something. Plus Eli has figured out how to open the fridge so he's decided he should eat yogurt non-stop throughout the day.

:::

In other news Emerson knows that the store with the big red bull's-eye is Target. We dropped Marcus off early for work today so I could go to my Mom's group book club. Marcus got out at Target so he could wander around a little before walking over to his work. As Marcus got out Emerson said, "I want to go to Target."

It's weird the things they pick up on. We didn't teach her that.

:::
After my mom's book club we had an hour to kill before Marcus was off work (we stayed at the host's house for about 4 hours). I for some reason decided that I should take my 2.5 year old twins, without a stroller, by myself into the mall.

I knew having two unrestrained children was going to be a nightmare but I thought maybe, just maybe it would be ok.

They had moments when they both contently held my hands. Brief interludes of behaving but they are too curious for their own good. They would touch everything and say, "what's that, what's that, what's that..."

Eli did not want to hold my hand, Emmy wanted me to hold her, they would both take off in opposite directions, it was not good.

They did have a really cute moment when we arrived to the spot where they saw Santa, both of them asked, "Where Santa go"

I told them Santa went home and then Emerson recalled their entire visit with Santa, "I see Santa, I crying, Santa candy, markers, paper." I guess that was a pretty memorable experience for them.

The other new game they invented was yelling "Daddy" to any random man who passed by and then laughing hysterical. It was pretty awkward. They yelled "Daddy" to a man who was probably 70, the cashier who had been watching us, had a really horrified look on her face.

:::

About a week ago I went to go check on Eli and Emerson and saw that Eli's bed was totally empty. No blankets, no pillows, no Eli.

Then I discovered he had moved everything over to Emmy's bed and there they slept. One on each side (Please excuse the random amount of blankets they insist on using every blanket they can find). I also love that Eli sleeps with both hands behind his head. These are my favorite moments. I can just picture the random conversation they had that led to Eli moving everything he owned into Emerson's bed. 

 

Artists...

On Saturday I needed to make a banner for my church and it involved painting. I knew the only way to protect my banner from my children was to set them up with their own painting supplies and so the three of us had a wonderful saturday painting in our backyard.

They painted themselves too.

And their table

Isn't it beautiful

I was doing my own work. Every time they walked towards me with their hands totally covered with paint. I urged them to retreat back to their own work. Scary times, scary times, 4 little paint colored hands wanting to help mama. 

He also painted his face. 

They were both a huge mess, but this is progress for Eli. There was a time when this mess on his hands would have totally sent him over the edge. Although it didn't take long for him to request, "Wash hands, wash hands." 

Emmy could happily paint all day everyday if we would let her. 

To get Emmy to put on the paint shirt I told her it was her special "painting dress" I don't know if I've mentioned but lately she only wants to wear dresses. Every second of every day. So to get her to take off the Christmas dress she was wearing I told her about her very special pink painting dress.

Also nightgowns are "sleeping dresses". I'm not sure where her love of dresses came from not her mother. She's pretty much never seen me in a dress. On Sunday's when I put on my robe in church she gets really excited that "mama put on a dress too". 

She's so cute. 

And their painting pants were old christmas pajamas. 

It was a really fun afternoon and their bath was all kinds of interesting colors.

My banner turned out well too, free of toddler assistance (except for a little area that Eli got with a pair of scissors). 

My Kids...

Are super cute!

My mother-in-law took these pictures last weekend when they were visiting. 

In a totally unrelated note, Marcus did Zumba with me today on the xbox. It was one of the most fantastic things I've ever seen. His strategy was to just move around a lot. I finally found an xbox game I can beat him at.

This is day 3 without soda or chocolate and I've worked out 2 of the last 3 days. Pretty good so far on the lenten goals. 

Parenting differences...

Marcus and I parent in different ways.

Neither way is better than the other but we just have very different styles. (And Marcus' is probably often more fun for the kids).

I think, because Marcus was a stay at home dad this has influenced their behavior in interesting ways. Have you all noticed that guys play different.

With my youth group last year I had 10 teenage boys and 3 teenage girls. For some reason the boys could not get enough of wrestling and playing physical high intensity games. I hadn't ever really be around large quantities of teenage boys (I have 1 brother and 4 sisters) and this was an interesting discovery for me, and at times perplexing.

Anyways, I believe that a direct result of Marcus being a stay at home dad is evident in how they play. For example, both my kids love to wrestle. From the time they could move Marcus taught them that if a person lays on the floor then their fair game.

This is fun for him, not so much for me.

Another thing that cracks me up is that Eli and Emerson have a ton of balls and they are encouraged to throw them (this was put in place because Eli struggles with a tendency to throw everything).

So from the time they were young they've know what catch is and that you throw balls back and forth. When their cousin of the same age was here in November they tried to play catch with her and the balls just kept hitting her in the face. My sister explained that she had never played catch before haha.

Another example, Marcus has literally worn holes in the knees of several pairs of pants. Once again since our children have been mobile Marcus has been on his hands and knees chasing them, playing puppy, and all sorts of other things.

I on the other hand have not worn holes in the knees of any of my pants.

Today, was another clear example of our differences.

I came home at 4:30 from a meeting and the house was quiet, no one ran to greet me at the door (which is unusual). I found Eli and Emerson in the bathtub.

When I asked why the were taking a bath at such a random time of day, Marcus casually mentioned that they had been running through the sprinklers. In February...

Marcus was messing with our sprinkler system earlier today to try and get the timers right and I guess while I was gone they turned on and the three of them decided February 23rd was as good of time as any to play in the water.

It's a good thing we live in CA, haha.

Pastor & Mom: The Follow Up...

Turns out Marcus wasn't able to leave work early so I was on my own with Eli and Emerson for the Ash Wednesday Service this evening.

It started out mostly okay. We went over to the church an hour early so I could do some set-up and prep. Eli & Emmy love the church and they had a great time running all over.

Of course for some reason they decided to revert to babyhood and played with the potting soil in a plant. They know better. I have no idea what they were doing. I swept and of course their response to that was, "See, all better mama." (Well in fairness that was Emerson's response, Eli said "Sorry mama".

The service was interesting. It was a one woman show tonight.

Marcus wasn't there to do my audiovisual stuff, not the mention he wasn't there to handle the children.

My music person wasn't there either.

So it was all on me.

The powerpoint and music would have been enough without Eli and Emerson...

Eli wandered around up by the pulpit, took my keys and was swinging them around loudly, and he also may have turned my microphone up... and Emerson just wanted me to hold her the whole time.

THE ENTIRE TIME

Eli eventually went to sit with his sunday school teacher and once he stopped moving he ended up like this:

Notice he got his ashes, but my sweet boy needs his sleep and the service started at 7pm which is his bedtime.

One less child to worry about. 

Which brings me back to Emerson. Did I mention I held her the entire time.

Through my sermon, during the ashes, during communion, during all of it. 

You have no idea how incredibly exhausting and distracting this is.

Remember, she's not an infant. She's almost three years old, and she can talk, and intentionally grab things, she asks me questions in the middle of sermons and prayers, she wants up and down, and down and up.

I somehow managed to get through the service. I heard good things but maybe my congregation is just being kind haha. My back is in pain, but I did it.

As an aside Emerson had her first communion tonight.

Since I was holding her as a I served she saw everyone else getting bread and grape juice and she wanted some too.

And since in my tradition we have an open communion table and all are invited, including children she had communion.

They grow so fast haha I didn't have my first communion until 7th grade.

Pastor & Mom...

Tonight at 7 I have my ash wednesday service.

Marcus is scheduled to work until 8.

Right now Eli and Emmy are coming to the church with me for the service.

I'm thinking of about 3 million ways this could be a nightmare.

Not to mention Marcus does the audiovisual stuff on sundays. Since it's a wednesday I have no idea who to expect, this could be very interesting.

Here's hoping Marcus can get off early and save...er I mean help me.

I'm alive...

Sort of.

I don't know what's wrong with me but I've been in kind of a funk. I haven't felt like reading, blogging, zumbaing (is that a word haha).

Pretty much all I've felt like doing is sleeping and watching How I Met Your Mother. I just discovered this show the other day and I'm hooked.

But in an effort to try and regain some normalcy in my life I'm going to attempt a blog.

~Marcus' parents were in town this past weekend and we went to the 80th birthday of Marcus' grandpa.

~ On Sunday after church Marcus, his parents, and Eli and Emmy went to the store and I was home all alone for awhile. It was wonderful.

~Emerson will only wear dresses these days, so I let her. I have no idea why all of a sudden she only wants dresses but I figure I'll pick my battles and so she picks out a dress each morning and I let her wear it. This bothers Marcus to some degree since she has way more pants and t-shirts than dress (and some of her dresses are holiday related), but I honestly don't care.

When she put her dress on she always asks Eli, "like Emmy's dress bubba"

~Eli got his stitches out last week. Poor baby. It didn't go well but now he likes to tell the story each time we go by the doctor's office. Plus he hasn't climbed the counter since. Every time he sees the counter he says, "bad owie".

~Eli and Emerson are on the list for pre-school in the fall. It's not exactly a waiting-list but first priority goes to 4 year olds and then if it's not full 3 year olds can attend. I really hope it works out for them to attend. Of course we need to get them potty trained before september. Any advice on how to do that, I literally have no idea how to even being.

~lent starts on Wednesday. This year I've decided to give up soda, chocolate and procrastination. And take up exercising. I'm very committed to making this happen. I'll probably do another post about all of this at some point. Right now I weigh more than I've ever weighed in my life, and I just don't feel good. I need to do something different.

~I think that's all I've got right now. Hopefully I will return to the land of the functioning and living very soon. I shouldn't need a nap everyday right (I hate not having a question mark that functions on my computer).

Quick Hello...

Just a quick hello and a thank you to all to offered me advice and support in my last post. It's funny because that is so not the post I intended to write it just sort of spilled out.


We are in the process of seeking some changes to make my work and home life more distinct.


Thank you all again and a real post is coming soon.

A bad mom day...

Today was not a good day for me. Eli and Emerson woke up in horrific moods. Probably because they took naps yesterday, so they weren't tired at bedtime, and didn't actually go to sleep until after 10pm. Then they got up early.

Every little thing set off a huge fit. My mother-in-law sent each of them a small box of chocolate for Valentines day. Eli ate his immediately (that boy loves his candy, cookies, and sweets). Emmy ate two pieces and left the rest in the box.

She left the room came back, saw Eli looking at her box, noticed two pieces were gone, apparently forgot that she already ate those two pieces, and had an epic meltdown, "Bubba ate my chocolate, my chocolate."

Eli did not eat her chocolate she did, she just forgot.

Much of the day went in a similar fashion.

Plus I cannot handle the constant mess everywhere. They drag out all their toys, dump everything they own out on the floor. We live in chaos all the time. It's a mess and today I just could not handle their constant fits and the mess.

Add to the fact that I've been really struggling to find a good balance for work.

I am not a stay at home mom. I am not called to be a stay at home mom, and I am a better mother to my children if I get some time out of the house. This is just how I'm wired.

I have a job, but I work from home 97% of the time. Which means most of my work happens whenever I can squeeze it in. My kids don't nap (and when they do it turns into a nightmare like today), so I get no downtime away from them from the moment they wake up until bed.

It doesn't matter that I have to prepare two services every week, research and write a sermon, plan my weekly bible study, pastoral care, cards, phone calls etc etc. Each week is different but I have a lot of stuff to get done and I feel like I'm constantly behind because I don't have any real separation between home and work.

Plus even if Marcus is home it's not as though I get that time to work. It just doesn't happen that way. If I'm home Eli, Emmy, and Marcus all know it and they seem to forget that I have a job I need to attend to and that I would like that to happen before the middle of the night.

Add in the constant headaches from the last 2 weeks, the fact that I can't sleep I feel like I'm losing my mind.

As such I cannot be an effective wife, mother, pastor, or person. I just can't function.

I don't really know what to do at this point to make it better. I'm frustrated and today was just not a good day at all.

This turned into a big vent, and I didn't intend for that to happen. I just hate how the assumption of the world is that as the female the roles I'm expected to have in the home seem like a given.

I'm always the one trying to figure out childcare. Trying to manage meetings and bible studies with two year old twins coming along.

Yet, on Saturday it was Marcus who got a handshake and literal pat on the back from a stranger for being, "Such an involved caring dad."

And he is... he's great, and I appreciate all the help and support that I do have, I just can't help but feel the wheel of society always tips in favor of the male.

They get extra credit points for merely being present, where as I have to defend myself to many in my town because I'm a female pastor (oh the horror) and I'm trying to figure out how to balance it all.

Today it didn't feel balanced or healthy at all.

I need a vacation.

800th Post...

1.) As I was coming to post I noticed it was my 800th post on this blog. So crazy. I started it the day we found out I was pregnant, moving from my old blog because we didn't tell our families about the pregnancy until 13 weeks but I wanted to document everything.

2.) I never intended to start a blog. I started writing my thoughts when we were going through our infertility. They were posted in a way that was accessible only to me. Then I discovered that what I was feeling and going through was normal and shared with a few people and now here I am almost 5 years later. I love blogging. The very easiest way to record memories.

3.) Eli learned nothing from his fall and his stitches. He went right back to climbing I'm doing everything in my power to remind him that climbing can lead to owies.

4.) I've had a lot of things on my mind that I would like to write about but they have the potential to be controversial and I just don't really feel like going there. Maybe I will... but only if people play nice. Disagree, but disagree nicely haha.

5.) I ordered a pizza to be delivered tonight. This is funny because I live 2 blocks from the pizza place haha.  Marcus was at work with the car and I didn't want to take Eli and Emmy out in the dark, so they walked it to me. Small town living is funny.

6.) Today was the first day I didn't have a headache in almost 2 weeks. I was starting to get one but them  Eli, Emerson and I all fell asleep and we woke up 3 hours later no headache. Just two very cranky kids. Napping makes them cranky for some reason.

Wow my 800th post was awesome!! Best blogger ever!!

Eli got stitches...

My children love to climb and I knew this would someday lead to trouble. That day was yesterday. Both Eli and Emmy climbed onto the bathroom counter. Eli stood up, took a step back, and fell hitting his chin on the counter as he fell.

He bit his tongue and there was blood everywhere. Emmy saw the whole thing and immediatly declared, "bubba, doctor, hurry, owie bubba doctor"

We did in fact take Eli to the ER and he received 3 stitches on his chin.

He was such a brave boy. He kept insisting he was "All better" and "Go home" at one point he even said, "Sissy's turn" he's used to taking turns at the doctor and he wanted his to be over.

Emmy was concerned and fascinated by the whole process. I thought it might freak her out to watch as they numb the area with the needle but every time I moved her away from Eli so she became upset and said, "I see Eli, I see Eli".

She didn't want to be away from him. She also told the doctor that Eli needed a sticker.

His chin is black and blue today but he seems totally over it. In fact I caught him trying to climb the bathroom counter again. I quickly reminded him of his owie and his trip to the doctor. 

Happy Birthday Everyone & White Elephant gift exchange...

One of the tradition at my church is to hold an all church birthday party. We celebrate everyone's birthday all at once in January.

This was my first time at the annual event and I was told there was a white elephant gift exchange as part of the tradition. So I put on my thinking skills and came up with the following as gifts:

A Survival kit full of ridiculous things. 

Hopefully you can read the contents here. 

All of the items for none of your survival needs. 

A super tacky Jesus mug and then I made a mug that said, "I attended The [My church Name] birthday party and all I got was this mug"

I was feeling pretty pleased with myself until they started opening the presents. Apparently others definition of White Elephant was different than mine. This is what happens when you are the pastor at a church and enter into their new traditions. Everyone else knows what's going on except me.

So my gifts were far and away the most ridiculous, I have no idea if anyone knew they were from me or not. Now I know better for next year haha.

The Birthday Cake

Eli with a birthday hat

Eli with his gift. He got some new cars

If you're wondering why there's no pictures of Emmy it's because she was running around like a crazy person with the other kids. There was a time when I would have said Eli was our extravert but they've shifted. Eli sits back and observes everything and Emmy once she's comfortable is all over the place. 

At one point during the party Eli climbed on to my lap and whispered, "Mama they crazy."

He wasn't used to seeing all of the church people laughing and joking and being so loud.

When we came home Emmy was yelling, "Yay presents!"

Still Sick...

I actually feel worse this week than I did last week.

Emerson came to hang out with me in bed this morning. When she decided she was ready to get up, she handed me her piggy, covered me up with her blanket, gave me a kiss and said "night mama."

She came back about 20 minutes later to get her piggy back, but it was sweet that she was willing to part from it for any amount of time.

Apparently, I was slightly zombie like behind the pulpit yesterday. Marcus told me after the service that I looked really out of it and I would randomly start dozing off.

He told me he was trying to give me subtle hints to "look alive" but I didn't catch on at all. I was confused by his weird facial expressions. Perhaps we'll have to work on our silent communication.

I wonder if anyone else noticed my zombie like appearance.  I'll be honest I don't remember a lot of the service.

Random Facts...

My friend Jess tagged. So here are 11 things about myself and then I answered 11 questions she had for me. You can check out her answers here.


11 Random Facts About Me:


1. I was in a wheel chair for a several months when I was in the 5th grade.
2. The only thing I ever wanted to be when I grew up was a lawyer, until I received my call to ministry in high school. I minored in pre-law in college because I couldn't quite let it go.
3. Related to the above after I was accepted to divinity school I freaked out and signed up for the lSATS.
4. I lived in CT for 3 years during grad. school and it felt like home. I still get "home-sick" for Connecticut. 
5. I'm afraid of worms and peacock feathers. Incredibly weird I know. Marcus finds these fears hysterical and once during a rainstorm in CT there were worms everywhere I was having a break-down and Marcus was laughing hysterically.
6. I was hit by a car in Rome. Thank goodness it wasn't going very fast but I learned an important lesson, drivers in Rome do not yield for pedestrians. 
7. I spent a summer abroad in Southern Spain. I have never been so hot in my entire life. There were times I was tempted to sleep on the tile floor in my room to try and get some relief from the heat. 
8. I can't stand coffee. So when I go to a coffee shop I often order a bottle of water because I feel obligated to buy something. 
9. I was in FFA and 4-H and showed Dairy Cows, Pigs, and sheep. (Well I only showed sheep for one year).
10. My freshman year of high school I was late for class over 20 times because my brothers gas gauge didn't work in his truck. We ran out of gas all the time. I luckily had band first period and my teacher never noticed that I showed up late so I didn't have any tardies on my record. Once as a result of being late the senior saxophone player I sat next too thought it would be a funny joke to hide my saxophone in pieces around the room. So in addition to being late I was forced to have a scavenger hunt to find. My band teacher never knew or cared about much of what was going on. 
11. In 7th grade if anyone would have told me I would end up married to Marcus I would have told them they were crazy. Turned out he's one of the most amazing people ever. It just took me until 11th grade to figure that out. 


My 11 questions to answer:

1. What life event has had the most impact on you? and Why? This is easy our infertility. It was without question one of the most difficult things we've ever encountered. It shaped my faith, forever altered our family, and made me aware and passionate about things I never thought about before. 
2. What is one character flaw of your own that drives you nuts? I over think everything. I wish I could be more spontaneous but nope I'm an over thinker. I annoy myself. 
3. Where and what would be your dream home? This is going to sound weird but I have no desire to own a home. We live in a parsonage now and image we will live in parsonages for most of my career. The only thing I would love was a room that I could make into my own space. With my books and big oversized chair. 
4. Who is your "celebrity" crush? (it can be anyone, in any time period or profession) This is easy. I've only ever had one "celebrity" crush in my life Apolo Anton Ohno the Olympic Speed skater. He came to Marcus' university in 2010 to speak and Marcus joked with me that I was going to see my boyfriend. 
5. Where is your favorite city? This is a tough. I have no idea. I have a fondness for the city of Sevilla in Spain where I spent the summer abroad. 
6. What is a guilty pleasure of your's? (can be food, books, movies, whatever) Dr. Pepper and Reese's peanut butter cup. 
7. When do you go to bed? get up? I often go to bed really late 11 or later. When I get up changes every single day. Marcus usually lets me sleep in if he doesn't have to work,  but I'm usually up by 9 at the latest (I'm spoiled in this regard). 
8. How many times a day do you check your email/reader/FB etc? Too many. I check them all day long. 
9. Do you run hot or cold (temperature wise)? Cold. I'm cold all the time. My space heater is my best friend it travels from room to room with me. 
10. What is one thing you wish people knew about you? I wish people could understand by humor a little better. Sometimes I feel like it's lost on people but I have a really great sense of humor and appreciate humor a great deal. I will say it's kind of unique though haha. 
11. What is one thing you aspire to better in yourself? Everything. Each day I strive to be a better mom, wife, pastor, human being. I want to leave this world all those I interact with better than before. It's part of what drives my call in ministry. 

Slumber party...

last night Eli and Emerson decided they wanted to sleep on the floor. I have no idea why but after we put them to bed we heard giggling and when we went to check on them they had all their blankets and pillows on the ground and Emerson happily shared, "I sleep on floor mama."

So we let them. It was adorable and for some reason this was very exciting. 

The slept their all night and requested to do so again this evening. 

Then this morning they took all of their blankets and pillows and whatever else they could find and happily played in their tiny little closet. 

Silly kids.

Most of day was spent fighting a migraine headache. Marcus had to go to work this morning so I did the best I could. At one point I went into Eli and Emmy's room and laid down, closed the door, they played and I fell asleep. When I woke up I found the pocket of my sweatpants full of toys.

I was so grateful when Marcus finally came home and immediately gave me some medicine and put me back in bed. It was an incredibly unproductive day but my head feels much better and my service and sermon for tomorrow are ready to go. 

Thoughts on having twins...

This is going to sound strange but when I watch Eli and Emerson interact with one another, when I see them laugh at the jokes only the two of them understand, tackle each other, create games with rules created only for each other, worry with the other is hurt or sick; I wonder if kids who aren't part of a set are lonely.

I know this is crazy talk. I don't have a twin and I was fine, but Eli and Emerson are so interconnected that I just can't imagine one without the other.

Their relationship fascinates me.

Tonight they were playing each other. Talking and laughing in a way that I can't discern or understand but they both clearly know what's going on.

At exactly the same moment they ran into the living and with matching smiles told me their baby was taking a bath. Parents of toddlers probably relate, when I say I did not greet this news with excitement. I envisioned a mess of some sort who knows what they were bathing their baby in (maple syrup perhaps), but when I asked them to show me they happily took me to the darkened bathroom and showed me that their baby was indeed taking a bath in the empty bathtub. (Huge sigh of relief, and the toilet paper hadn't been touched and no other mess, double sigh of relief).

Then the baby went potty, weighed herself, and washed her hands.

Then off they went for the rest of the bedtime routine and I returned to the living room. They were chatting and playing and then they once again eagerly found me in the living room to inform that now the baby was night night.

I went into their room to see that they had piled every blanket and sheet they could find on top of the cradle. A mountain of blankest covered the doll and they were so pleased with themselves. They even switched off the light (by climbing on a chair) and then whispered "shhh" because the baby was sleeping.

They did an entire nighttime routine with their baby in sync with one another. Each knowing exactly what came next.

I know this is a rambling mess, but it's hard for me to describe how grateful I am that they have each other.

I never wished for twins, in fact I wish against having twins. Which sounds horrible I know, but I knew the risks and more than anything I wanted a shot a normal, uneventful, pregnancy. Plus I was a full time grad-student and figured I could put one baby in a sling and go to class if needed. Two babies presented a logistical problem to these idealistic plans.

In the end my fears were realized and I didn't get the normal, uneventful pregnancy, or the birth I wanted. There was no bringing one baby to class in a sling and every logistical problem I imagined was realized. However, despite all this I did get two really amazing kids who are connected in ways that amaze and astound me every day.

I hope they will always share such a deep bond with one another, laughing at jokes I don't understand, teasing each other, creating games, and worrying when the other is upset.

It's not at all what I planned, but I can't imagine it any other way.