We're moving...

again. I swear we just did this. Of course this move is much closer around 200 miles instead of across the country. Marcus and I did a round trip yesterday hauling our stuff and Marcus and his dad are doing another one today. Then when they return the four of us (Marcus, me, babies) are going to our new home. Lots of driving, lots of cleaning, lots of re-packing, and unpacking.

To add to all the fun I start my new job tomorrow and in the midst of chaos I'm trying to prepare somewhat. At this rate I'll be lucky if I can ever find my clothes so I look somewhat presentable.

I don't know when I'll post again. Life is going to be crazy for a bit and we don't yet have internet at our new home.

One of those nights/days...

Last night and today = not so fun. Marcus got sick last night, really sick, throwing up and all that fun stuff, and the babies decided that last night would be a good night to make their mother (me) go crazy. Eli woke up at 2 and whined most of the night and Ms. Emerson lord help me wouldn't sleep from about 2 until 6. I brought her downstairs to rock and she fell asleep in my arms, then once back in the crib she started crying again, repeat, repeat.

At one point I was too exhausted for that game so I put her in bed with us but even that didn't work. She kept sitting up looking around and kicking me. Fun times. Plus Marcus was sick so I was also awake with him several times so I could get him water and things.

Morning of course came way to soon and with Marcus out of commission still it was just me and the babies today. I could hardly function and Emerson from her own lack of sleep spent the first 2.5 hours this morning just screaming. She wouldn't even really calm down in my lap.

Finally, I thought things were under control and they were finally playing quietly (which really should have been a clue that something was wrong). Then came a crash....

They grabbed onto one of my MIL's long hanging plants and pulled the entire thing off of the top shelf. The plant was a goner (sorry MIL), Emerson was flipping out (I think it scared her) and they were both just covered with soil.

They both knew they were in trouble too because when I moved them and set them aside so I could pick up the pot and try to clean up neither of them moved. If they started to move I just looked and said, "Stay" and they froze in place. I've never seen them so obedient before. (Emerson started crying every time I looked at her, perhaps it was her guilty conscious).

So due to the soil in the hair a bath was required and then I had to wait to finish cleaning up the mess until nap time because they're both still terrified of the vacuum. Eli started sobbing when I tried to vacuum and then after I turned it off he proceeded to yell at it (and me I think). 

Thankfully, nap time did arrive and I managed to nap for about an hour as well and then our awesome day resumed with more whining and crying. 

It wouldn't have been so bad if I didn't feel absolutely exhausted with a massive headache. Moving required so much effort and energy today.

There were however a few redeeming moments:

* Eli walked across the living room yesterday! (We have a video I'll post once I get it updated).

* Eli and Emerson were chasing each other around the dining room table and laughing hysterically this afternoon (I love those moments).

* Eli does an adorable game of hide and seek where he goes behind the wall in the hallway and then pops his head out grinning, he does this over and over.

* Emerson put Marcus' huge heavy watch on her arm and was so pleased with her new accessory. 

Hopefully a better night, more sleep (for everyone), a healthy husband, and less crying will be our reality tomorrow.   

I have a new nephew!!

Isaac Tyler

July 21, 2010

6lbs 8oz 19 in. long

My sister and her husband had their first baby tonight a tiny little boy. I have to say that with each successive pregnancy/birth my own pain from our infertility and my own sucky birth experience lessens, but it's still there and I still cry. 

That said I am so thankful that it's not as awful as it used to be. Prior, when we were still in the midst of our own infertility battle a pregnancy announcement sent me over the edge, and I'm happy to say that I'm much better. I don't break down into a sobbing mess anymore... yay for progress.

However, my new hurt is labor and delivery. I still mourn that I wasn't awake for my delivery, I mourn that Marcus wasn't able to be in the room, I mourn that they were premature and I didn't get to see or hold them for days. I mourn leaving the hospital without them, I mourn that every single thing related to getting pregnant, pregnancy, labor and delivery was abnormal. Although I mourn these things for myself and cry my silent tears, I am truly truly grateful for the healing that has already taken place.

I am in a much better place than I was even a few months ago and perhaps with time hearing stories of pregnancy announcements won't make me hurt and hearing about L&D won't make me cry. I hate that the infertility and my subsequent pregnancy full of complications have resulted in causing pain in the midst of a joyous happy occasion.

I noted to Marcus as we headed down to the hospital that I was getting to see and hold my nephew much sooner than I did Eli and Emerson. He was a mere two hours old tiny and new. Congrats to my sister and brother-in-law, and yay for a new boy baby in the family!

(And this probably lacks any kind of coherency I'm exhausted and have had a massive migraine most of the day). 

Solitude...

On Monday and Tuesday Marcus and I went to the city where I've accepted the job to look for housing options. We stayed the night while the babies stayed with my mom, MIL, and aunt. The house hunting is exhausting and ridiculous (and Marcus and I are no good at it). Although I think we did decide on a place, but my favorite part of the whole trip was that I had an evening to myself.

On Monday evening Marcus really wanted to go see a movie and I really wanted to stay at the hotel by myself and read. It took a really long time to convince Marcus that movie going could in fact be a solitary activity but eventually he left, and I was alone and I read.

I think what I've missed the most since the babies being born is time alone. For the first 6 years of our marriage I had so much of it because of our schedules and I loved it. In fact I'm pretty sure I require alone time, as an introvert quiet moments are how I recharge and reenergize.

This need has led to some really late nights lately because I stay up way later than I should after everyone else goes to bed so I can have some time to myself, which isn't really the right solution to the problem because then I'm exhausted the next.

*sigh* this post has no point except to recognize that time alone is something I didn't really think about prior to becoming a mom and my quiet Monday night was very much needed.

More Job/life stuff...

So remember that job I didn't get based off of a 30 minute interview. Well they called me early this last week because after meeting the candidate they chose they decided it was a bad fit. Which totally throws a wrench into my whole life plans since I already accepted the other job.

I'm probably going to stick with the job I've already accepted for a variety of reasons but I am continuing to discuss with the other place (with the full disclosure on my part that I do have another job). If only they would have had their act together a month and half ago when I first interviewed with them. I would have taken it then in a heartbeat.

So despite that little road bump I'm suppose to start my other job two weeks from today and we still don't have a place to live (we're procrastinators and a little out of our league in figuring this housing stuff out). Marcus and I are going to our new city of residence for the next two days to hopefully find a place to live so we can move.

I think that's about it. The babies are nuts, Eli climbs on everything and then falls and then we repeat. The poor boy is looking like he's been in a fight. Emerson fights going to sleep each night which is really not so awesome. The other day I actually had to resort to driving her around in the car until she fell asleep. I thought that was something a 14 month old would grow out of. I so do not look forward to nighttime around here with her.

Off to house hunt in the morning (and then a random side interview thrown in there on Tuesday).

Summer!!!

1st Ice Cream Cones + Swimming  = Summer!

Their grandparents decided it was time for some ice cream! They loved it!

Eli did not appreciate being served his ice cream second. The boy has no patience. 

A food he can actually eat since it just involves licking. 

Emerson liked the cone too.

After ice cream they went swimming (for some self cleaning from the ice cream)

Emerson loves, loves, loves, the water.

Eli doesn't mind it either...

But Emerson looks like this the whole time she's in the water. (This is one of my most favorite pictures ever of Emerson. She's so incredibly happy).

And she's even happy when she falls backwards and ends up on her back. She just laughs and splashes.

Eli trying to decide if he wants to come out.

My two cute water babies.

It's been really hot around here these last few days so spending time in the water is win win for everyone since they love it, it keeps them occupied and it's three million degrees. (And I would post more but it took a million hours for these pictures to post using my in-laws internet). We'll be moving soon. 

14 Months old!!

Today Eli & Emerson are 14 months old (one year adjusted) I failed to do a monthly update because of all our travels last month.

What Eli is doing:
*Crawling quickly everywhere. He has a tendency to not look at where he's going when crawling and run into things
* Loves being outside
* Loves his granddad who is usually willing to take him outside
*Still can't really eat things with texture. We're making really really slow progress on this. Last night he ate a teeny, tiny, piece of hamburger meet (and didn't throw up). He also has taken to just licking food since he can't seem to get it down. I'll be glad when we're settled and can start working with an OT again.
* Usually still wakes up once a night (at least, last night was a bad night).
* Has 4 teeth on top and 2 on bottom
* Cruises all over and has taken 2 independent steps before freaking out.
* Licks everything. It's so gross. He licks grass, concrete, bricks, walls, his Auntie Molly's toes, my arm, his arm, his bath water. EVERYTHING.
* Finally is attached to his blanket

* Babbles all the time. The boy is almost never silent these days.
* Loves playing with his dad
* Loves walking if someone is holding his hand
* Adores going up steps (which I do not adore so much).
* Laughs and plays with his sister
* Dances to any music he hears

Outside at Grammie's House

What Emerson is doing:

* Loves to eat pretty much anything.

* Crawls everywhere and follows her brother around

* Loves to play with balls and throw them

* Has 2.5 teeth on top and 2.5 on bottom

* Is still mostly attached to her mom and cries initially around others (she'll usually calm down if I leave)

* Likes to walk holding people's hands

* Dances when music is on

* Loves animals and waves and says "Hi" over and over each time she sees on

* Waves and tells Eli and others hi

* Knows to wave when people are leaving to indicate bye

* Will usually sleep through the night (kind of)

* Is attached to a little stuffed pig

* Loves markers, pens, pencils 

* Tries to mimic a lot of what we're doing

* Knows what phones are for and puts them to her ears and says, "Hi"

Also at Grammie's House

I'm so tired of worrying...

I thought once I found a job my stress would decrease but instead it's increased ten fold. I found out yesterday that my job will pay for my health insurance but not the rest of the family and to pay for them out of pocket is a HUGE amount of money. So now I'm worried about that.

Marcus still doesn't have a job but we need to find housing which is basically impossible to do because we don't even know what we can really afford. I also don't really have any idea of where to look in the new city and I don't have the energy to start making phone calls to random people. I know I need to get over that and find some energy (which I probably will tomorrow) but I just want that issue to go away.

I'm worried about finding child care for the babies that we can afford and feel comfortable with.

I'm so exhausted all the time and while I'm so incredibly excited about starting my new job I worry about being able to handle it with my fibromyalgia, Crohn's, Chronic fatigue combo (I'm not sure which of those is the worst but I feel awful 99% of the time) and also handle and balance the rest of my life.

I really miss our life, friends and routine in CT.

I'm a big whiner I know I just want to stop wondering how all of it will work. I know that somehow it will... and hopefully in a few months we'll have a new life, friends, and a routine with health insurance, housing, child-care and each of us happily employed, but in the meantime I sit and I worry about all of it.

Happy July 4th!!!

Or as I'm fond of quoting since 2005 when I spent July 4th in Zimbabwe, "Congratulations on your day of independence." (Which is what I was told by one of the students I was working with over there.) We had a really low key 4th around here. Marcus, bless him took the babies this morning and I slept in until 11. I don't know what's wrong with me but I've been really exhausted lately.

We stayed around home until 5 when we left to over to my moms house. That's pretty much of the extent of it. We don't usually do a whole lot on the 4th but it was nice just to have a day of nothing.

It's so impossible to get a picture of these two together these days. I too so many pictures and ultimately it worked best for Marcus and I to hold their hands so they would stay still. 

Always trying to escape.

We did watch a few fireworks tonight as well. Emerson was so cute. She just kept staring at the sky and smiling at as they went off. Eli didn't really seem to care one way or another about them. 

I have a job!!! (And other things...)

This has been one of the longest weeks I've had in a long time. Marcus went out of town on Tuesday and Wednesday for a training and for the first time I was left alone with the babies at night. I feel like such a loser mom for saying this but I was really nervous about handling them all day and then also dealing with bedtime and then the actual night. Luckily my in-laws came home from work and played with the babies for a little bit so I had somewhat of a break (I told you I'm a loser mom), but staying home with them 24/7 is really really hard for me.

Emerson is so whiney and needy. She wants to be held ALL the time and it's really wearing. Eli is usually content to play but he gets into everything and for some reason both of my children think the word No is the funniest thing in the world. (We're working on this).

Eli has also decided that he would like to spend all of his time outdoors. Which is fine to some degree. Yesterday we all went outside for several hours and they're both content outside. However, Eli is an explorer and gets into dirt and his personal favorite climbing up my in-laws rocks. Owww....

I would get him, bring him back to the grass, he would throw a fit and immediately head back over. At one point he was sitting on the grass next to the rocks and pulling as many rocks as he could out. Then when he collected about 20 he sat down proudly in the midst of his new collection. He was so mad at me when I put them all back.

Eli and Emerson have also started playing together which is just adorable and I have to say is one of the rewards to having twins. Lately I'll suddenly just hear them both start laughing and I'll peak around the corner to look and they're just sitting their laughing at seemingly nothing. Another favorite game of theirs is to throw a ball and then they both crawl after it laughing hysterically. 

Emerson is getting better and better at watching me do something and then trying it herself. The other day I was feeding Eli purees from a spoon. Emerson watched and then took her spoon and also began to feed Eli (who was in the high chair next to her). Eli didn't mind and happily alternated spoons. 

She's looking so much older to me these days. So all this to say that I survived two days without Marcus he passed his certification and the job hunt for him continues.

Now onto the most exciting news for me. I have a job!!!! The job is perfect and is more than I ever could have hoped for. Marcus and I knew we wanted to stay in the western/midwestern part of the country but we never dreamed that staying in the same state was possible. Then last thursday I was told about a new job opening in a city just 178 miles from our hometown. I applied on Friday, they contacted me on Saturday, I went for my interview on Thursday and they offered me the job on the spot! I'm so incredibly relieved and excited. 

I was feeling really depressed about my prospects and not getting the job I interviewed for a couple of weeks ago, and then suddenly something even better appeared. I start August 1st so we're now in the process of finding housing and Marcus is still searching. But I am employed and I think this job is going to be a perfect match and setting for me!!!