7 Years Ago Today...

Marcus and I were married.

And I have to say this last year of marriage was by far the hardest. One thing that people don't really talk much about (or maybe it was just our case) is how hard having babies is on a person's marriage. Add in bedrest, prematurity, NICU, twins, grad. school, post postpartum depression/anxiety, difficult babies, etc and yeah it all really takes it's toll.

Marcus and I have probably argued more in this last year than we did in our previous six years combined.  We were suffering from exhaustion and stress and any number of things (many mentioned above) and it's just a recipe for diaster. 

I do have to say that I think we've come through it better than we were before. Things are without a doubt different in our relationship. That's to be expected when your family doubles in size but right now I'm in a really good place mentally and physically. The babies are finally sleeping better and we're settling back into our routine.

It gives me so much joy to watch Marcus be a dad to our kids. He's amazing at it and does it with an ease and a joy that I envy. I am so very blessed that he is mine and I so look forward to what the next years have to bring. I know that if we can make it through my parents divorce, infertility, undergraduate and graduate school, cross country moves, bedrest, NICU, twins, then we can meet any obstacles that come before us. Although it's been a challenging last year it's been a very good last year.

Happy 7 years Marcus love you!

(Photos by Brisham Photography)

Unpacking progress...

The mission was to unpack my 33 boxes of books (Marcus seems to think I have too many, I say there's no such thing).

Marcus set to the task of constructing the book shelves with his assistant Emerson. She's so observant and really loves tools for some reason.

So after Marcus put some screws in Emerson had a turn.

Then we had a problem. Two shelves were not enough...

We still had piles of books.

And more boxes.

So a third shelf was added and eight boxes of books are going to live in my office. Isn't it beautiful? It took me so long to figure out how to organize them. I'm not totally happy but Marcus was ready to move on in our packing adventures. 

15 Months old!

15 Months old! They're both getting so big.

Lately they've both been particularly hilarious. I think one of my favorite things is they're both starting to understand what we ask them. A while ago at my mom's house we asked Eli where the ball was and he crawled over to the TV stand and looked underneath it. Sure enough the ball was underneath.

Emerson is also understanding more and more and she can show me where her nose and her belly button is. She also knows where my nose, Eli's nose, and Marcus' noses are. She's still really attached to her little stuffed pig we call piggy. She wants to eat with him and he gets hauled around everywhere. So he's really disgusting. This morning she threw him in the bath with Eli I guess she noticed he also needed a bath.

Eli is still struggling with the eating. He really tries to eat things with textures and he's so over the purees but overall it just doesn't work for him. Now that we're settled I'm going to looking back into EI services so we can start working with an OT again. He's so frustrated. Although he doesn't gag and throw up as much when he puts different textures in his mouth.

Emerson is loving food still and her new favorite at the moment is bananas. She wants them for breakfast, lunch and dinner so we've taken to hiding the bananas so she won't see them. 

As far as vocals go Emerson still pretty much just says "hi" over and over again. Especially to Eli. She loves her brother and they're so funny lately when they play together. They crack us up. Going in circles, chasing each other, wrestling with each other. The fun side of twin parenthood. 

Eli says dada and mama and maybe ball it's hard to tell. He throws everything in his reach and he's just a happy kid pretty much always smiling. One of their new favorite games is climbing al over their dad. Emerson just sort of throws herself over Marcus and then laughs hysterically.

Finally, some of the biggest news is Eli is walking. In the last couple of days he's really taken off and now he's attempting to run. He'll go and go and then fall and laugh and then stand up and do it all over again.

Not to jinx anything but the last three nights they've also gone to bed without any crying. Prior it would sometimes take over an hour to get them to bed, so this is a huge change and relief. 

They're at such a fun age right now and they crack us up all the time.

Still here....

Nice huh? This is during our clothes sorting and putting away adventure. 

(Can you spot the baby in this mess).

Our unpacking and cleaning is going very slowly. Between my new job and the two babies it's hard to get much done. (Although I did make a list for Marcus to try and work on tomorrow).

My new job is going well. It's very hectic and unorganized so I have a lot of catching up to do and a lot of planning for the upcoming fall. 

I'm exhausted. Really, really exhausted.

The babies are loving this moving thing. They take things out of boxes. The love the big empty spaces. (Eli's been trying to walk more with his arms straight up in the air because of all the space). They've been hilarious these last couple of days. At one point Emmy was laying in this box I just got the camera out too late.

Lots of cleaning is taking place. People keep asking me why we're cleaning. Do people seriously move into a new place and not clean? Really? That's unfathomable to me. 

 Not only is my home currently a chaotic mess. My office is also very sad and lonely. I don't yet have a desk or shelves or anything really. So I'm using a super tiny table as my desk and I have a piano bench to hold my printer. People keep walking in and laughing at my set up. It's all just a work in progress at the moment. For some reason there were also about 10 chairs in my office. I've moved most of them but a few remain including a rocking chair.

And finally, just because I think it's hilarious. Marcus took a picture of Eli and happened to catch him in the middle of a sneeze. Look at his cute puffed out cheeks. Haha funny stuff.

Good night!

We're moving...

again. I swear we just did this. Of course this move is much closer around 200 miles instead of across the country. Marcus and I did a round trip yesterday hauling our stuff and Marcus and his dad are doing another one today. Then when they return the four of us (Marcus, me, babies) are going to our new home. Lots of driving, lots of cleaning, lots of re-packing, and unpacking.

To add to all the fun I start my new job tomorrow and in the midst of chaos I'm trying to prepare somewhat. At this rate I'll be lucky if I can ever find my clothes so I look somewhat presentable.

I don't know when I'll post again. Life is going to be crazy for a bit and we don't yet have internet at our new home.

One of those nights/days...

Last night and today = not so fun. Marcus got sick last night, really sick, throwing up and all that fun stuff, and the babies decided that last night would be a good night to make their mother (me) go crazy. Eli woke up at 2 and whined most of the night and Ms. Emerson lord help me wouldn't sleep from about 2 until 6. I brought her downstairs to rock and she fell asleep in my arms, then once back in the crib she started crying again, repeat, repeat.

At one point I was too exhausted for that game so I put her in bed with us but even that didn't work. She kept sitting up looking around and kicking me. Fun times. Plus Marcus was sick so I was also awake with him several times so I could get him water and things.

Morning of course came way to soon and with Marcus out of commission still it was just me and the babies today. I could hardly function and Emerson from her own lack of sleep spent the first 2.5 hours this morning just screaming. She wouldn't even really calm down in my lap.

Finally, I thought things were under control and they were finally playing quietly (which really should have been a clue that something was wrong). Then came a crash....

They grabbed onto one of my MIL's long hanging plants and pulled the entire thing off of the top shelf. The plant was a goner (sorry MIL), Emerson was flipping out (I think it scared her) and they were both just covered with soil.

They both knew they were in trouble too because when I moved them and set them aside so I could pick up the pot and try to clean up neither of them moved. If they started to move I just looked and said, "Stay" and they froze in place. I've never seen them so obedient before. (Emerson started crying every time I looked at her, perhaps it was her guilty conscious).

So due to the soil in the hair a bath was required and then I had to wait to finish cleaning up the mess until nap time because they're both still terrified of the vacuum. Eli started sobbing when I tried to vacuum and then after I turned it off he proceeded to yell at it (and me I think). 

Thankfully, nap time did arrive and I managed to nap for about an hour as well and then our awesome day resumed with more whining and crying. 

It wouldn't have been so bad if I didn't feel absolutely exhausted with a massive headache. Moving required so much effort and energy today.

There were however a few redeeming moments:

* Eli walked across the living room yesterday! (We have a video I'll post once I get it updated).

* Eli and Emerson were chasing each other around the dining room table and laughing hysterically this afternoon (I love those moments).

* Eli does an adorable game of hide and seek where he goes behind the wall in the hallway and then pops his head out grinning, he does this over and over.

* Emerson put Marcus' huge heavy watch on her arm and was so pleased with her new accessory. 

Hopefully a better night, more sleep (for everyone), a healthy husband, and less crying will be our reality tomorrow.   

I have a new nephew!!

Isaac Tyler

July 21, 2010

6lbs 8oz 19 in. long

My sister and her husband had their first baby tonight a tiny little boy. I have to say that with each successive pregnancy/birth my own pain from our infertility and my own sucky birth experience lessens, but it's still there and I still cry. 

That said I am so thankful that it's not as awful as it used to be. Prior, when we were still in the midst of our own infertility battle a pregnancy announcement sent me over the edge, and I'm happy to say that I'm much better. I don't break down into a sobbing mess anymore... yay for progress.

However, my new hurt is labor and delivery. I still mourn that I wasn't awake for my delivery, I mourn that Marcus wasn't able to be in the room, I mourn that they were premature and I didn't get to see or hold them for days. I mourn leaving the hospital without them, I mourn that every single thing related to getting pregnant, pregnancy, labor and delivery was abnormal. Although I mourn these things for myself and cry my silent tears, I am truly truly grateful for the healing that has already taken place.

I am in a much better place than I was even a few months ago and perhaps with time hearing stories of pregnancy announcements won't make me hurt and hearing about L&D won't make me cry. I hate that the infertility and my subsequent pregnancy full of complications have resulted in causing pain in the midst of a joyous happy occasion.

I noted to Marcus as we headed down to the hospital that I was getting to see and hold my nephew much sooner than I did Eli and Emerson. He was a mere two hours old tiny and new. Congrats to my sister and brother-in-law, and yay for a new boy baby in the family!

(And this probably lacks any kind of coherency I'm exhausted and have had a massive migraine most of the day).