Pregnancy & Child Birth = Trauma...

I've had a realization lately. That when someone announces a pregnancy or goes into labor, my first reaction is one of fear.

Fear for all that could go wrong. During the pregnancy pray for a full-term baby, for a pregnancy free of complication, and for delivery I pray for normalcy and no complications.

Only after mom and baby are both safe, do I celebrate.

Yesterday, a friend of mine had a baby. Today she was out of the hospital and went to a high school basketball game to see her 3 year old daughter dance with the cheerleaders.

In her words she feels great.

This is so outside my realm of experience I have a hard time wrapping my mind around it. I was in and out of consciousness for over 24 hours after the birth of my children.

I met them about 36 hours later.

I didn't hold Emerson for 5 days.

I remained in the hospital for over a month between bedrest and post-delivery recovery.

Then my babies were in the NICU for almost a month.

After that, more trauma, more difficulties, more fear about my tiny babies getting sick, frustration over Emerson's inability to eat, and the fact that it took Eli about an hour to eat a few ounces of milk.

It sucked. The whole entire experience, and I forget it's not always like that.

I think if I could guarantee an uncomplicated pregnancy, a delivery that left me feeling great and out of the hospital 24 hours later with a baby that gets to go home too, I might consider attempting it all again.

But at this point, I'm still surprised when everything goes well. I need to work on that.