Things I Miss...

1.) Having time to blog. I have so many things I want to write but no time or energy to actually take the time to record them. I need to because I keep this blog in part so I will remember the things the babies are currently doing and our lives in this moment.

2.) Feeling rested/sleep - pretty self explanatory.

3.) Time for myself to do nothing- I have no spare time. Every single second of my day is occupied. When I'm not dealing with the babies, I'm doing school work or internship stuff. Then there are things like laundry, dishes, and grocery shopping that just don't happen anymore because there's no time.

4.) Marcus- I feel like I never see him anymore. We intentionally have opposite schedules so that it's mostly he and I who watch the babies. This is good in that the babies are taken care of by us, but it's not so good because as soon as he gets home I leave and vice-versa. And on Sunday afternoons after church I do as much homework as possible so I'm not up at all hours of the night during the week (like this very moment where it's 10:00 and I have a paper to finish) since I can only do work after the babies are in bed (they don't tend to nap at the same time).

5.) Food. I never have time to eat either. I know this sounds drastic but it's very true. I'm working on some ways to remedy this because I realize it's not healthy, and heaven knows I need as much fuel and energy as I can get.

Okay, back to paper writing. Even though I have a million more things I'd rather be doing.

How I know Eli is feeling better...

In the last week Eli has figured out he has a voice and makes noise all the time. When he was sick there was no talking just a lot of whining and sleeping, but today back to talking.

The other things I do...

Since starting classes I constantly run around and seem to exist in a perpetual state of chaos. It's not a good feeling, but I suppose that's what happens when there's literally no time for me to catch my breath. I quickly wanted to record what else I have been doing for the last few weeks since school started.

**Sept. 6th I ran a 5k. And not to sound overly boastful I was pretty impressed with myself for doing (haha hows that for not being overly boastful). I had only ran a handful of times since giving birth, and not at all for the month leading up to the race, but I managed to finish, (with 12 minute miles so it wasn't fast by any means) but that's beside the fact. I was just happy to be running again, and to know that despite the bedrest and the babies I could still actually do it.

I'm away from the pack of runners because I went slightly off course so I could go say hello to Marcus and the babies who were off to the side cheering me on.

**I started my internship. I'm in my final year of my degree program and we're required to do fieldwork. Last year I interned as a community organizer and this year I'm a pastoral intern at a local UMC church. I'm primarily in charge of the campus and young adult ministries, and every tuesday evening I lead a discussion and dinner group for the undergraduate population. In addition each Sunday I have a role in the service, next week I'm preaching...

**As part of the above on the 1st and 3rd Tuesday I also work at the downtown soup kitchen, which is always an interesting experience.

** Finalized my class schedule. I'm taking 5 classes 3 boring required classes that I've put off until my last year and two more exciting ones.

• Principles and Practices of Preaching (required)
• United Methodist History, Doctrine and Polity (required and boring)
• Practicum (the class portion of my internship)
• Metaphors of Evil (amazing and taught by my favorite professor) To give you an idea of the awesomeness the course description, "This course is an examination of the ways in which metaphors function at the intersections of the various forms of oppression that coalesce into lifestyles of misery to produce social patterns of domination and subordination." 
• Walking Gently on Common Ground: An introduction to Inter-religious Engagement.
• This is a seminar class that I had to apply to be in. As part of the class we'll be traveling to Melbourne Australia in December for the World Parliaments of Religion. An amazing opportunity that I couldn't pass up on. So after much thought and conversation with Marcus I applied and will be traveling there in Dec. I'm both ecstatic about the opportunity to engage in global interfaith work and sad about leaving my babies for a week.

** I've also been dealing with the murder of another grad student on campus. The story has gained a lot of national press and I have been deeply affected by the murder of Annie Le. The president of our university been great about giving us details as they happen, so as not to be misled by the media and press, but for me the horror of this crime is sometimes to much for me to even conceive of. A woman, my age, at my university, went to her lab and never left. I don't understand, because it's just senseless, and a reminder of the fragility of life and as the president of our university said, "The darkness of the human soul." I could probably write a lot more about this as it's been weighing on my mind, but I'll leave it at this. 

**And of course the babies. They are getting bigger, Eli is feeling somewhat better today after sleeping pretty much all day yesterday. It was so sad, when he was awake he just whined and then went back to sleep. His fever is gone now and he seems to be in better spirits.

As a result of Eli being sick we put them in separate cribs in hopes that we could prevent Emerson from getting sick. It's sad for me to see them in their own cribs for some reason so I might put them back together in a few days. We'll see. 

My little Eli is sick :~(

We try so so hard to keep them safe from the germs (which is ridiculously hard). We make everyone who comes into our home wash and sanitize multiple times. I wash my hands non-stop throughout the day and so does Marcus. Unfortunately, that wasn't enough and earlier this week Marcus had a cold. (That he contracted either in school or at work) and as hard as we tried to keep it away from the babies we couldn't. Two nights ago was awful with Eli. He fussed when we tried to put him down, and then once falling asleep he was up  6 or 7 times whining (but no fever at this point).

Then yesterday he just wasn't himself and sounded a little congested and this morning at 4:00 am he had a temperature of 100. So off to the pediatrician. Right now his lungs sound okay, but he has a lot of pulling when he breathes and is breathing a little fast. They checked his O2 levels and right now they're okay, but we'll continue to take his temp. and watch his breathing and if it gets worse we were instructed to bring him back in. Our urgent care will have an on-call pediatrician through the weekend so that's nice to know.  One of his ears was also red but at this point it doesn't appear to have any fluid around it so hopefully no ear infection is incoming.

I really love our pediatrician. She's very good with them, and takes extra care because they were preemies, and doesn't mess around with things (even colds). She affirmed that we did the right thing by bringing him in and told us to call if we had any more concerns or questions.

I hope he gets better soon. He's just so little and pathetic today. I was holding him and he just sat there, not moving, whining over and over. Poor baby.

I also hope Emerson doesn't catch it. One sick baby is more than enough.

(In other news I got my very first flu shot ever today, my university gives them for free).

Oh, and despite feeling well, Eli laughed today for the first time. He must have been a little jealous of the attention Emerson was getting with her laughing on Wednesday so this morning he laughed for his dad, very cute.

I'm starting to wean...

Tomorrow marks 19 weeks of pumping and I've reached the point where I just can't do it any more. I don't have the time and energy. This is not a decision I take lightly, I have weighed the pros (babies continuing to get breast-milk and all the added benefits that go along with it, especially going into cold and flu season), and the cons (time consuming, I'm tired, I'm busy, I hate it etc.) There are days when it is literally almost impossible for me to find the time to pump.

So for my mental well being I'm done. I'll slowly be cutting back on pumping sessions and I hopefully will be completely weaned before the pump that I've been renting from the hospital is due back. I think I know it's really time because I feel at peace with this decision, and when I considered it before I really didn't. I had hoped to make it 6 months but that's just not going to happen.

I think I've taken on more than I can handle...

It's been one of those days and it's only 3:39. I can't seem to get caught up on things and as a result I'm constantly running around like I'm losing my mind. I have a ton of reading (I know this, I'm a grad student in my 3rd year this is not a surprise) however, the whole having twins, taking 5 classes, doing an internship is completely new to me. I just need an afternoon where I can just organize my life.

Today I thought I had a handle on things. I only had a discussion section this morning and that was it. All day to do my reading for tomorrow (so I thought). Until I discovered that I needed to submit two summaries of the readings by noon today. So all day quickly turned into two hours. Fine, okay I'm a fast reader... but even I can't read 300 pages in 2 hours. (Plus I had to take a break to see Emerson giggle). Then I learned that I'm doubled booked for tonight. I was suppose to attend a meeting for my internship at 6:30pm, then I looked at my schedule and discovered that I instead have to attend a required banquet/lecture at 6:30pm for a class.... oh and I have to dress formally. What the hell. I don't have formal clothes, and the ones I do have don't quite fit right these days. Thanks for the heads up about that professor.

Add, to that the fact that I haven't done laundry in weeks (it's really bad). I've been wearing random shirts from high school (all of which I've been meaning to weed out and donate, a project I hoped to have done before the babies arrived but as we all know the bedrest, early delivery aspect put a damper on that project).

Plus, the babies have been ridiculously whiney today. I think it's probably still from their shots but I just need a few seconds to organize my life, round up some clothes, adjust my childcare arrangements for tonight, oh and read a book or two for class tomorrow.

I know I took all of this on myself, but I just need a break even for an afternoon. I really wish I had some family nearby. Now I'm going to go cry and then feed a baby or something.

4 month appointment

The babies had their 4 mth. check up and shots. Everything is going well.

Eli weighs 13lbs 4oz and is in the 15% for weight, his head is still 50% and he's not on the chart yet for length.

Emerson is 11lbs 7oz, and not yet on the charts but getting closer and following a nice growth curve. Our pedi. is still worried about Emerson's hips though, so we're going to do a follow up with an pediatric orthopedic doctor (or something) just to make sure everything is okay.

They also qualified for the Synagis (RSV shot) so that's a big relief, and we'll start those shots next month. It's one shot a month until March (I think).

She also stressed the importance of Marcus and I getting the flu shots this year, so we'll being doing that ASAP.

Then they had their shots. During their oral Rotovirus vaccine both babies just kept grinning at the nurse. It was hysterical she couldn't get the vaccine in their mouth because every time she would put some in, they would smile and it would all dribble out. The nurse kept laughing hysterically. She mentioned that babies aren't usually so happy during this.

Of course those happy smiles disappeared during the injections, but the crying was short lived, and right after I picked Eli up he smiled with tears running down his face, he's pretty forgiving. My Poor adorable babies, Marcus and I both hate the shots I think we almost get more sad then they do.

Then they both pretty much slept the rest of the afternoon, since that's how they seem to react to shots.

Today...

I fed Emerson a bottle at 4:30, while typing a paper one handed. It needed to be turned in by 5:00. This was a whole new level of multitasking. Emerson seemed to like the paper though (I read it out loud a few times). This whole student/mom thing is interesting.

I'm an Aunt!

My sister and her husband welcomed their daughter yesterday September 13th.

Hannah Libby 7lbs 7oz 20in long, and according to her doctors and parents she's just perfect! (I hate living so far from family).  

Emerson at 4 months!

Now on to little Ms. Emerson. It's so interesting to me to watch how they each develop and discover things at their own pace.

*Emerson figured out she has hands several weeks ago, and holds them both up to stare at and examine them.

*She's starting to figure out how to self soothe a little bit and when crying will put her figures in her mouth for a second or two and it calms her. (Although she's still not real good at keeping them in her mouth).

*Can hold her head up during tummy time.

*Has so much spit and slobbers every where, all over her clothes and anyone who is holding her.

* I can hold her in the sitting position (or prop her on the couch) and she can almost hold her own head up, it's bobbles back and forth and eventually she tips over too.

* Eats 4-4.5oz at a time.

*Is a great sleeper and has slept for 8 hours on 3 different occasions.

* Is a horrible napper. She fights them everyday and will be exhausted and whining for hours (which is exhausting for both of us).

*Likes to stare at the things on the activity mat.

*Still likes to stare at black and white pictures.

*Makes a lot of cute baby cooing noises, especially at her dad. (She however was not amused when he did this to her during bathtime (I think she's adorable though).

*Still has reflux issues that cause her pain when eating poor baby.

*Fits newborn size clothing (Although I put her in the 0-3 month summer clothes that we have so she can get some use out of them before it gets cold).

*Has no interest in holding things or even attempting to.

*After waking up she needs to stretch for several minutes, making old person stretching noises it's so cute.

*Pouts a lot, it's adorable.

She's a sweet little baby, who is incredibly moody. She's so different than Eli in pretty much every way. She still melts down every night before bed time, cries every day (because she won't nap), but her smiles and coos make up for all of that.

Overall, we have two healthy, (mostly) happy, 4 month old babies.

Eli at 4 Months Old!!

This week has been insane, but we're surviving, and on Tuesday my babies turned 4 months old! (They were really not in the mood for pictures at the time this was taken, so no smiles, in fact it was taken between their screams).

Eli at 4 months old can do the following:

*Hold his head up during Tummy Time (he's still wobbly but he's improved so much in just a month, his PT won't even recognize him tomorrow).

* Roll from his tummy to his back. He did this for the first time on August 31st. At first we thought it was a fluke but he's done it several times since then so we're officially counting it as a milestone. It's hilarious to watch, he lift his head up as high as it can go and then just tip to the side. The weight of his head just sort of pulls him over. Of course once he's over he's usually a little bit freaked out by all of this and starts whining. 

* Grab at the ring on his bouncer. He did this for the first time two days ago. It's so cute to watch him concentrate so hard to coordinate his hand to grab the ring.

* He's also recently discovered his hands exists and spends a great deal of time staring at them and putting them in his mouth.

*Can hold a rattle in his hands. I discovered this yesterday. He can't yet pick it up, but if I put it in his hands, he'll hold on to, hold it up to look at it, and try to put it in his mouth. It's adorable and makes him so incredibly excited. 

* Drinks anywhere from 4-5oz at a time. (Most of the time 4 except before bed).

*Smiles all the time and makes loud happy noises. 

*Kicks his legs when he's excited.

*Is just now starting to fit into 0-3 month clothing, but most of his newborn stuff works too. 

*Sleeps in really awkward positions. We're not really sure what this is about, but he throws his neck and head back as far as he can go and sort of twists. It's very strange and doesn't look very comfortable. 

*Naps for 3-4 hours at a time. It's crazy but he needs his naps. He eats, does tummy time, plays and then is ready to nap. He follows this pattern all day and is happiest when I follow it. 

*Is a pretty easy going baby. Eli has sort of come into his own finally and he's a lot more mellow these days. When he's hungry he shrieks (loudly) and when he's tired he whines but those are easy things to fix and for the most part he hangs out, plays, and smiles.

It's crazy because he wasn't really doing much, and then all of a sudden he figured out how to do a bunch of things all at once. 

First Church outing...

The babies did great. I on other other hand am suffering from lack of sleep, start of classes, and just plain exhaustion because I did the following:

• Used Shampoo as body wash
• Lost the cheese I was using to make an omelet (I had it and then couldn't find where I put it)
• Put my shirt on inside out
• Only had one earring on

Awesome, but we made it, and were even early. The babies stared at the ceiling and lights for the first part of the service (Eli especially seemed to love the sparkling lights in the high ceiling of the church), slept for the second part, and then were awake at the end. 

The organ startled Eli a couple of times, but overall a very smooth experience. The babies of course attracted a ton of attention but our little hand washing signs are very effective at church. All of the older people are very diligent about not touching their hands (although that meant their little feet were fair game, which I'm good with at the moment since the feet aren't going into their mouths at this point). One cute little lady wanted to pinch Eli's cheeks (Who knew they actually did that), luckily she refrained herself, and we get to hear stories about everyone's grand-babies. 

I imagine as my responsibilities at church increase the babies will stay home with Marcus, because he won't be able to handle both at once, I can't very well preach and hold a baby at the same time, and I'm not comfortable sending them to the nursery with older kids.  Especially, as it starts to get colder. I really don't want to expose them to all of the potential cold and flu this winter, but for now things went okay. 

Family Pics.

Some of the family pictures we had taken by Rachel with Brisham Photography  in central park. I love them, I'm so glad we decided to drive into the city.

Just a few. There are a ton that I'm in love with. 

So much for sleeping...

Emerson did the 8 hour sleeping stretch for two nights in a row, and then last night it was back to the normal waking and feeding schedule. Eli was kicking her in the shoulder though so I wonder if that has something to do with when she woke up. I'm thinking, unfortunately that we might have to try them in their own cribs, to see if that makes a difference, because Eli is not a very kind sleeping companion these days with his moving, kicking, and screaming. Although taking the out of the same crib makes me really sad for some reason.

Emerson...

slept for about 8 hours last night. We put her to bed around 9 and she didn't wake up, move, or make a peep until 5:00 am. Then she ate and went back to sleep until 9:30. It was great. Her brother on the other hand... well we don't need to talk about that, but to suffice to say he did not sleep for 8 hours.

At least it's a little bit of progress... we'll see if it was a fluke or if she repeats it tonight.

Chaos....

Classes officially start for me today, but I decided to use yesterday as a practice day since I'll have an 11:30 am class every Tuesday and Thursday and I wanted to see if I could get both babies fed and dressed and have time to pump before I would need to leave. What ensued was chaos. Eli always wakes up first (Emerson likes to sleep in bless her. I wish she would give her brother a lesson). So after their 6 am feeding she'll usually sleep until 9:30 or 10:00.

Eli on the other hand doesn't go back to sleep after his morning feeding unless we stick him in our bed (which we do sometimes) and even then he's only good until 7:30 or 8:00 and when he's ready to wake up he screams at the top of lungs. Loud, high pitch screeching. This ridiculous screeching then gets louder when I change him (how Emerson continues to sleep I don't know). Once I change him I try to get his bottle in his mouth as quick as possible, because this is the only way to stop the screeching.

We were okay until Eli had a huge blowout. It was a mess, poop, every where. It was awful and the only remedy was to stick him in the bath, which is right around the time Emerson decides she would like to eat. Then feeding Emerson, trying to keep Eli entertained, plus I forgot that I would actually have to shower and look presentable to leave the house, wash the bottles, pump, and then leave. (Luckily because yesterday was practice I didn't actually have to leave).

Let's just say I fell short of my goal time.

So I tried again today, keeping the 11:00 am goal in mind, and it was essentially a repeat of yesterday with an even bigger blowout by Eli, prompting yet another bath, plus this time I was also covered in baby poop. (Which I didn't realize until a little later when I couldn't figure out where the smell was coming from, it was all over my shirt lovely). Then I also needed to make the house look somewhat presentable since today I actually have to leave the house for class, and a friend is coming to watch the babies. So in the midst of cleaning and feeding babies, I also threw in two loads of laundry.

Thankfully Marcus had 1.5 hours between class and work to help vacuum, feed Emerson, wash bottles and sweep. So I could eat, shower and finish the laundry. It's now 12:15 and both babies are napping.

I have on hour until class and in that time I have to eat lunch, feed both babies, and pump.

I'm tired... this is going to be interesting. Hopefully we all adjust quickly to the new schedule.

Bedtime routine alone...

My last post was written at the end of a successful week and while things are getting easier we are also at the beginning of some huge scheduling changes between Marcus' work and class schedule and my class schedule and internship. A class Marcus thought was only one night a week is actually 3 nights a week which means I'm on my own for the bedtime routine during those nights, a feat I had never done alone until last night.

Marcus left for class around 6:30pm which is the start of their meltdown time, and I did what I could to calm them. Finally, around 7:45pm I couldn't take it anymore and started their routine (early, I also started early because I knew it would take longer since it was just me). Usually this works well because Marcus and I each take a kid and the crying soon stops. However, on my own the routine was much more complicated, and not as relaxing for the babies since one of them was screaming while I was getting the other one ready.

I also had to feed them at the same time which I hate, especially before bed because I like to hold each of them for their feedings. After getting most of their bottles down, I then took one at a time and fed that one and then put them to bed, and repeated with the next. It was ridiculously complicated and exhausting and the babies didn't go down and smoothly as they usually do, probably because they never fully calmed down since they had to take turns waiting for me.

I did it though. Night one of bedtime routine alone is completed, an entire semester left to go.