Thursday, June 4, 2009

Birth Story Part 1

I have been wanting to write about my birth experience since it happened, but I had two little babies that had updates and changes every day so I never had a chance. Right now both babies are fed and sleeping so I should have a little time and I want to record what happened before too much more time passes. I do know that it all happened really quickly, however this post is probably going to be really long because I want to try and record all of the details.

Thursday May 7th was the day I hit 32 weeks and was a huge milestone for us. Back when all of this PTL, cervix disappearing, positive fFN started Marcus and I hoped and prayed for at least 32 weeks. So when the day finally came we were both feeling relieved about that and I actually told Marcus that day, "I think I can make it to 34." haha I spoke to soon. Anyways, that day I did have a little bit of cramping in my lower back but my constant monitors didn't show any more contractions than usual and the cramps weren't awful or anything so I really thought nothing of it. Marcus (luckily) decided to stay the night at the hospital and we watched the season finale of Grey's Anatomy and went to sleep everything seemed just fine.

Around 1:30 or 2:00 am I woke up completely drenched. Both my shirt and shorts were soaked and I was lying in a huge pool of liquid. Immediately I knew my water had broke (because honestly what else could this be... so gross), and trying not to freak out I woke Marcus up and told him my water had broken. To which he responded in a hazy, sleepy voice, "How do you know?" Haha then he opened his eyes and looked at me, and jumped up from his couch. Since I was in the hospital it was easy enough to call a nurse and while I waited for the nurse to come I got out of bed and went into the bathroom (I don't know why I just didn't know what to do at this point.) Then I wandered back out into my hospital room standing there gushing liquid. I am honestly amazed at the amount of fluid. I read all the time about people who's water breaks and none of them ever say much more than that, but I cannot imagine this happening at home, what a mess. Anyways...

I stood there shaking (because I was a little freaked out at this point and didn't know what to do) and the nurse ran in and swabbed some of the liquid to confirm that it was indeed amniotic fluid. She then looked at me standing there, totally drenched, and shaking and brought me a hospital gown so I could change, while she and another nurse changed my sheets. Luckily for me my favorite nurse was on call and she was so nice (I kept apologizing for the mess) and once I got settled back into the bed she, knowing my hatred for the IV, kindly told me that I no longer had a choice in the matter, and I for once didn't argue. I think my exact words were, "I'm not going to fight you on it at this point." She also hooked me back up to the monitors.

After the IV was in the on call high risk doctor came in (we had met several times before he's a little strange to be honest and was making awkward jokes I wish I could remember them) and he informed me that their hope was that I could hold off for two more weeks and breaking ones water doesn't automatically mean birth. After hearing this two things entered my mind, first was dread at the thought of having to deal with the gushing of fluid for two more weeks (because that's what it was non-stop it was awful just laying there in it) and the second was a little bit of hope that maybe the babies would have some more time. The doctor did a quick exam and at this point I was still only 1 cm dilated and then he did an ultrasound to see which baby's membrane had ruptured and check the positioning of the babies. Eli was head down but Emerson was breech.

Then everyone just left and I mentally started preparing myself for two more weeks. However, that quickly changed when I began to have really intense contractions about a minute apart and they were quite painful. So painful that I couldn't really breath while having them. At this point it was around 2:30 am and the doctor and nurse came back in and watched me have the contractions (it was really strange them just standing there staring). The doctor did another exam and since the last one about a half hour earlier I was now dilated to four and he said, "Okay how about we meet your babies today?" Then Marcus and I both really started panicking.

During this time I asked the nurse tons of questions including what to do with all of my belongings in the hospital room (because I'm practical like this and i had pretty much moved in since I had been living there for weeks). I told Marcus to grab the camera and the doctor and nurse prepared to transport me down to the labor and delivery floor, and wheeled my bed out of the room.

Once there a ton of things were happening all at once and I was completely freaked out and overwhelmed. Because of Emerson's positioning attempting a vaginal birth wasn't an option and the anesthesiologist came in to talk to me and once again question me about my bleeding disorder. (All while still contracting) and asking me about my three prior surgeries. (I had already given this information to another anesthesiologist a few days before but whatever).

My OB showed up at some point and did another exam and I was now dilated to 5 and the contractions were worsening. The nurses then informed me that I was breathing through them incorrectly... oh well. At some point I signed a consent form for the C-section and another anesthesiologist came into and asked me some more questions about my bleeding disorder (around this time DDAVP was started). This doctor then decided that because of the bleeding disorder a spinal was too risky because I could start bleeding into my spine and they would have no way of knowing and that general anesthesia was his preference.

At this point I started crying. First, getting pregnant was difficult and complicated and not how I imagined, then my entire pregnancy was one complication after another, and now I wasn't even going to be awake for the birth of my babies. I will say that the two anesthesiologists that I had were too of the kindest doctors I have ever met and they were both really kind and sympathetic to how I was feeling. As I was dealing with this news I was taking comfort in the fact that at least Marcus would be there... until a nurse looked at us and said, "They did tell you that he can't be in there when you're under general?" Nobody had thought to inform us of that piece and I started crying even more and saying, "I'm sorry, I'm sorry" to Marcus over and over again. For some reason I felt responsible for the fact that he too was going to miss the birth of our babies. Marcus was upset at this point and there were just so many people everywhere doing all sorts of things.

During all of this a nurse came up to me and asked me to state my name, date of birth, and then she asked me, "And what are we doing here." I thought this was the most absurd question ever and just looked at her, trying to decide if she really wanted me to answer that question or if she was trying to lighten my mood since I was still crying. When I realized she was serious I said, "Having babies." So strange and she didn't like my answer the answer she was looking for was, "preparing for a c-section." Um... okay.

Then it was time to go to the operating room. I said goodbye to Marcus he gave me a kiss and I continued to cry. On the way to the operating room my OB asked me how many weeks I was and when I said 32 his response, "That's great you've exceeded all expectations."

To be continued because this is really long...

This was Marcus left alone, upset, worried, and calling our moms to tell a little bit about what was going on (Despite the early hour and the three hour time difference between where we live on the east coast and our moms in NV). He looks sad to me and he later told me had to try really hard not to cry at being told that he couldn't be in the operating room with me.


~Jess said...

This just brings tears to my eyes, for the same reason it brought tears to your's: You guys went through so much to get pregnant and did not even get to be a conscious part of their birth. You so deserve to have had a better, memorable, birth.

The picture of Marcus is especially sad...I can't even imagine how scared you both were and how scared Marcus was knowing that he couldn't be there for you or the babies. *hugS*

Queenie. . . said...

That totally made me cry. I think it's ridiculous that they couldn't let him scrub in. What's the difference, other than you were under general, between that and a regular c with a spinal? That's so heartbreaking. On the other hand, the babies did so well in the NICU and are home and thriving now. AS disappointing as their entry into the world may have been for you, their appearance has surely exceeded all expectations, and I hope that it will soon erase any disappointments related to their birth.