Saturday, October 27, 2012

Thoughts at 12:44am...

1.) Do you think there's something inherent about being a mom and feeling guilty? I have never, not once, ever heard of a guy feeling guilty for having to work and be away from their kids. That's not to say it doesn't exist but I've never heard it as being an over-arching theme in the experience of fatherhood, and yet mommy guilt is a pretty common expression.

I love my job, I look forward to going to work, but in this new position, at this much larger church I continue to struggle with the work-life balance. More than anything I recognize that Emerson is having a hard time not getting to spend more time with me. On Wednesday evening I had to go back to the church to lead my small group.

Marcus told me that after I pulled out of the drive-way she came outside and just cried for me. When I got home later that night, she was still awake in her bedroom so I went to talk to her and she said, "I cried, because I missed you very so much, and I just wanted hugs and kisses."

Then the next morning at school drop-of she cried for the very first time because she didn't want me to leave her. My poor sweet girl just wants more time with her mama, and I'm working on it.

2.) Today at our music rehearsal at church I was mentioning our need for a drummer and was joking that I would just try and do it. The senior pastor jokingly asked if I had rhythm and I responded that I had no idea.

Another congregation member interjected by saying, "She obviously doesn't have any rhythm she has two kids."

Took me a minute to realize he was referring to the "rhythm method" of birth control/family planning. I really hate inappropriate and awkward jokes. Men do not ever need to speak about me and reproduction.

3.) I worked on Eli & Emmy's Halloween costumes today. Emmy requested a pink sparkly princess, and Eli wants to be santa. I'm not a seamstress at all but I really do prefer homemade costumes even if they're far from perfect (which mine always are).
Here's a bad cell-phone picture preview. They're not quite finished.

4.) Speaking of mommy-guilt I'm going to miss Halloween. I have to go to a work conference in Texas that day. 

5.) Emerson is laying in bed next to me. She wandered into my room around midnight. Climbed into bed, mumbled something about wanting strawberries and then fell asleep again. 

Good night!

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