"I Santa HO, HO, HO..."

I spent the better part of this weekend sewing Halloween Costumes. I have this thing about wanting their costumes to be homemade. I think it's more fun that way, but it's a lot more work for me (especially since my sewing skills are pretty much non-existent).

Emerson's princess dress took forever and they both kept asking, "It all done?"

I promised as I tucked them in last night that they're costumes would be finished when they woke up so they could wear them to church.

When I came home from the early church service to pick them up they were both happily wearing their new, finished, costumes.

Eli walked to the car saying, "I santa Ho, Ho, Ho" and then as I was buckling him into his carseat he looked at me and said, "It's all done, thank you mama."

It was the sweetest thing I've ever heard in my entire life.

When we got to the church Eli wasn't quite expecting the attention his Santa costume would attract. Everyone was asking for presents, trying to get him to say Ho, Ho, Ho on command. My poor quiet boy does not like the attention, and by the end of the day he was just snapping, "NO!" and people haha.

He still didn't feel very well, my family hung out in my office during church, the kids did the Halloween activities following the service and they quickly went home as Eli kept saying, "I all done."

 

My Santa and Princess

 

They like to be with me during the first part of the service before the children's message. 

 

You can't really see us but we're all up front.

 

Santa got a little warm. Apparently, Santa suits are not designed for October in California. (Don't mind his too small t-shirt).

First ER Visit in the new city...

It was bound to happen. My children have a way of need to visit ER's no matter where we live. Eli woke up early this morning (like 4am) screaming.

We were able to get him back to sleep but he woke up again at a decent hour screaming and crying about his ear. He wouldn't sit up, or move, he just laid in his bed and cried.

We figured it probably had an ear infection and decided that given the amount of pain he seemed to be in the pediatric ER was our best bet.

Poor baby cried the entire way to the hospital. They gave him some ear drops and an antibiotic plus a stuffed lizard he named "Greenie" and some stickers.

When he came home and showed Emmy his prizes from the hospital she immediatly said, "I'm very sick" and fake coughed. She's pretty ridiculous.

:::

Today I said to Marcus, "If we decide to ever have another kid we should probably do it while we live in this city since there's a NICU here."

Sort of a sad statement, but it just came out of my mouth. It's the only reality I know.

:::

My senior pastor stopped by on his way home from the church today to see Eli. It was unannounced and our house was a mess. I was horrified oops.

:::

I have a paper due tomorrow. Apparently paper writing does not end after school is over for me. Another to do in the long list of requirements for the ordination process. I haven't started it yet... some habits never change.

:::

We carved pumpkins, and I finished the kids costumes. I'm not a seamstress. Emerson's princess dress is a hot mess but she thinks it's beautiful.

Eli's Santa costume is cute but sewing on Santa fur is tough on my sewing machine. It gets stuck in the foot. Marcus said, "That's probably why Mrs. Clause sews by hand," He's so helpful.

:::
I've mentioned before that Marcus is the head coach of the boys high school cross-country team. This week it was the high school's homecoming/spirit week and after school on friday was a pep rally and football game so Marcus decided to have a morning practice so as to not interfere with their activies.

The parents of these boys lost their minds. How dare Marcus make their children get up early and have a practice, surely this is way to much for their precious little breakable teenage boys. Only 1/3 of the boys showed up and Marcus got a lot of angry emails from parents.

What is wrong with parents? It was one morning practice, one. Getting up early will not kill a teenager, in fact I imagine that there will come a time in their life when it will be required. Get over it already good lord.

One mom emailed the team mom to complain. The team mom promptly forwarded it to Marcus and told the other mom, "It's tradition and no boys have ever been harmed from an occasional morning practice" Seriously, these parents are insane. 

When I did high school sports we often had morning practice. My sophomore year of high school I took a zero period weights class that required me to be at school by 6am every day. I lived...

Thoughts at 12:44am...

1.) Do you think there's something inherent about being a mom and feeling guilty? I have never, not once, ever heard of a guy feeling guilty for having to work and be away from their kids. That's not to say it doesn't exist but I've never heard it as being an over-arching theme in the experience of fatherhood, and yet mommy guilt is a pretty common expression.

I love my job, I look forward to going to work, but in this new position, at this much larger church I continue to struggle with the work-life balance. More than anything I recognize that Emerson is having a hard time not getting to spend more time with me. On Wednesday evening I had to go back to the church to lead my small group.

Marcus told me that after I pulled out of the drive-way she came outside and just cried for me. When I got home later that night, she was still awake in her bedroom so I went to talk to her and she said, "I cried, because I missed you very so much, and I just wanted hugs and kisses."

Then the next morning at school drop-of she cried for the very first time because she didn't want me to leave her. My poor sweet girl just wants more time with her mama, and I'm working on it.

2.) Today at our music rehearsal at church I was mentioning our need for a drummer and was joking that I would just try and do it. The senior pastor jokingly asked if I had rhythm and I responded that I had no idea.

Another congregation member interjected by saying, "She obviously doesn't have any rhythm she has two kids."

Took me a minute to realize he was referring to the "rhythm method" of birth control/family planning. I really hate inappropriate and awkward jokes. Men do not ever need to speak about me and reproduction.

3.) I worked on Eli & Emmy's Halloween costumes today. Emmy requested a pink sparkly princess, and Eli wants to be santa. I'm not a seamstress at all but I really do prefer homemade costumes even if they're far from perfect (which mine always are).

 

Here's a bad cell-phone picture preview. They're not quite finished.

4.) Speaking of mommy-guilt I'm going to miss Halloween. I have to go to a work conference in Texas that day. 

5.) Emerson is laying in bed next to me. She wandered into my room around midnight. Climbed into bed, mumbled something about wanting strawberries and then fell asleep again. 

Good night!

A Baseball fan...

Eli is such an interesting child full of contradictions. He's both shy and outgoing. He's thoughtful and loud. Gentle and rough. He's also hilarious and loves jokes and musics.

I think one of my favorite things about him is how he's truly content with what he has. Emerson always wants something. They're both obsessed with Santa (especially Eli) and Emerson can make a whole list of things she wants Santa to bring her.

Not Eli he's pretty happy with what he has. I asked him if he would maybe like a new bike, his response, "I already have a bike, I'm good."

At one point we were discussing puppies (the living kind). Eli says, "I already have a puppy see," then he shows us his stuffed puppy.

He's also hilarious to go to the store with. I was buying Emmy a new headband and Eli said, "we already have some at home, we don't need any more." He pretty much said this about anything I was contemplating purchasing that day.

 So because he's so content and truly doesn't ask or want for anything (except candy he has a huge sweet tooth) and time he gets something new he really really loves it.

Marcus found little balls and bats on clearance the other day and surprised the kids with them. Eli couldn't have been more excited.

He's been watching baseball and when he does, he throws with the pitcher and swings with the batter, following everything that's going on.

Now he can go through the motions with his own bat and ball.

We found him asleep in bed tonight with the ball in one hand and the bat in the other.

 

My sweet boy (with his puppy)

I did it...

What did I do you may ask I survived what can only be described as the longest week of my entire life. I pretty much moved into the church and never left, it has not been a healthy work/life balance at all.

Here's a rundown of what I did:

~ 2 counseling sessions
~Wrote 2 sermons
~ Preached at 3 different servies
~Assisted with the homeless service
~Launched our new young adult service
~Planned and officiated a Memorial service with 450 people in our church
~Preschool open  house
~Read 2 books
~Fellowship with the young adults until 1am
~All the other normal weekly work things

Plus had two sick kids.

 

sometimes a quick nap between services is needed. I told Marcus not to let me sleep through the service. Although considering the senior pastor was gone today I think someone might have come looking for me at some point.

Good times, good times, but I made it mostly. 

I read an uncomfortable book, some thoughts...

I was invited by BlogHer* to read and review The Diary of  Submissive by Sophie Morgan. A memoir written in the wake of the crazy popular 50 Shades of Gray books which highlights a Dominant/submissive relationship.

This book is offered as a non-fiction account from the perspective of a the submissive in the relationship.

I was intrigued about the subject matter. Particularly why someone might engage in a what at least on the outside appears to be nothing more than a consensual abusive relationship.

One adult giving another adult permission to beat them and do other kinds of humiliating, horrific, and often dangerous things to the other. I don't get it and was hoping that Sophie Morgan's memoir might offer some insight into the whys of a Dominant/submissive relationship.

It did not. Overwhelmingly this book made me uncomfortable, not so much because of the graphic nature of many of the scenes, but because time and time again it ceased to seem totally consensual.

There are moments when the author talks about being humiliated, degraded, wanting to stop (but not wanting to appear weak), not being able to speak to use their "safety" word, angry, embarrassed, in immense amount of pain.

 And I did not get any answers as to the why? Why allow someone to treat you this way? Especially given the range of emotions, none of which were positive.

Sophie Morgan doesn't offer much insight into the whys. She's careful to note that she's a "feminist' that she comes from a normal childhood without abuse or any other dark hidden secrets that make her damaged in some way.

I wasn't really sure how to feel at the end of the book. Sophie Morgan did an excellent job of explaining the range of emotions that one might experience in this type of relationship, and many of those emotions were not positive as I described above.

I suppose if you're interested in reading an account of someone who exists in the real world as successful functioning adult, but then in their private life allows and invites physical abuse and pain this might be a book for you.

There are trigger warnings though it's violent and graphic.

If you're interested in joining the on-going conversation about this book go here http://www.blogher.com/diary-submissive

*This is a paid review for BlogHer Book Club but the opinions expressed are my own.



 

The Good & Bad...

The Good : Marcus had a cross country meet and brought me the car at work so I could had a way to get home. (The joys of being a single car family).

The Bad: Marcus took the car keys with him to the out of town meet so I couldn't actually use the car.

The Good: Eli and Emerson go to the preschool at the church so at least I didn't need to drive any where to pick them up.

The Bad: The 3 of us were stuck at the church.

The Good: My church is located within walking distance of a million different places to eat, so for the first time in their lives I took them to a restaurant by myself.

The Bad: Being out numbered by tired 3 year olds in public is not really my favorite.

The Good: We all sat on the same side of the booth because they both wanted to sit by me. Emerson said, "We need a camera to take our picture."

The Bad: After we finished eating we still had no way to get home.

The Good: Eli & Emerson's preschool open house was tonight so at least we had something else to do at the church.

The Bad: Eli & Emerson were not suppose to attend the open house.

The Good: I'm the supervisor of the preschool staff so... oh well.

The Bad: By the time Marcus returned from the xc meet Eli, Emmy, and I had been at the church for 10 hours.

The Good: Home at last!

The Bad: Eli threw our last roll of toilet paper into the toilet... 3 year olds are not always so fun.

The Good: I had another 3 year old that was perfectly willing to reach into the toilet bowl and retrieve the entire roll, without even flinching.

So at least we ended the day on a high note. 

Self Hair Cut...

You know those moments when it's just a little too quiet?

You don't realize it at first because you're enjoying the calm, but then your realize that when you have two 3 year olds, quiet is never a good sign.

I knew Eli was okay since he was right next to me but Emerson was dangerously absent and quiet.

I asked Eli if he knew where his sister was and he said, "In the play room"

She was not the in the playroom. Instead she had been giving herself a haircut.

On my lord she did quite a number on her hair, it's so so bad.

As soon as I saw her she knew she was in trouble and immediately started crying hysterically before I even said anything.

After she calmed down I told her that she was very naughty to cut her hair and it made me really sad.

Poor girl was so upset. She told me she would put it back on, then she said she would kiss me better, and then in a very tiny voice she said, "I'm sorry I cut my hair mommy."

*sigh* it's just hair but it's so bad. I don't even know how they're going to fix it.

 

It was suggested to me that maybe she could just become a hipster. 

What I've been up too...

1.) I had a migraine for 5 days and basically couldn't really function. I went to work each day last week only to come home early. I finally got some pain meds. on friday and slept.

2.) Eli and Emerson are being a little bit challenging. At what point do kids grasp the concept of lying? Emerson lies. She flooded the bathroom sink. I caught her soaking wet in the bathroom, her response, "Eli did it." Um... no he didn't.

3.) Eli's doing better with school. Seems happier to go, started playing with some of the other kids and he's so proud of that, doesn't really cry anymore which both Eli and Emerson report back to us each day.

How was school? The response always "Eli not crying."

4.) Marcus has been coaching cross-country for 1.5 months and he's really enjoying it. He has a job interview this week for something totally outside of his field but it pays well. He's been studying to try and get up to speed before the interview. Here's hoping.

5.) Worship service for the homeless tonight. It was interesting, and powerful, and then interesting again.

6.) The senior pastor has been out of the country so it's just been me at the church. Thank goodness it's been pretty calm. Last time he left for vacation it was so busy with funerals and services.

7.) Those of you with wood floors how do you keep them clean. I feel like no matter how much we sweep and mop they're always a mess.

 How my family looked when I left for work this morning. All cozy in bed watching a tiny little ipod. Love those 3.

Good night. Exciting times at our house.