8 Weeks (0 weeks corrected)

We've had a busy week around here. On Monday I was finally able to finish my semester. While on bedrest I was able to finish all of my papers and assignments on time, all that remained were two final exams. One final I finished two weeks after the babies were born, and this last final I was just waiting on my professor.

This particular professor doesn't responded to emails ever. I sent her countless emails throughout the semester and again over the summer in an attempt to schedule a time to complete my test, it wasn't until I contacted the dean of academic affairs that she FINALLY responded back. So I attempted to relearn material from months ago, while also dealing with babies, and a lack of sleep. I can without question say that this was the most ill-prepared I've ever been for an exam. But at this point I didn't care I just wanted the semester to be finished. Luckily, my MIL is visiting and Marcus took this week off so I had a lot of help with the babies but I feel like this one test was a small glimpse of what the next school year could look like. Fun stuff.

Also on Monday we walked over to my school (it's a 2 min walk) and gave my MIL a tour. The babies slept in their slings which worked out really well.

This is the four of us in my schools library.

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This week we also decided that we had to attempt to do something about the babies schedules. They seem to have their days and nights confused and so we changed a few things. We're now having them nap in their pack and play in the family room so it's never totally quiet, and we implemented a bed time routine. Which is really simple at this point, a bath every other day, change into pajamas, bottle, rocking, story and then bed in their cribs. We're hoping this will help them at least sleep the three hours between their feedings because we need sleep. Especially Marcus. Here are the latest antics caused by his sleep depravation:

- I woke up to Marcus trying to burp me... when we burp the babies we sort of sit them up and lean them forward with one had under their chin and then pat their backs. I woke up to Marcus hands around my neck in his attempt to burp me. This is not really a pleasant way to wake up.
- Marcus sat on the edge of the bed randomly in the middle of the night. When I asked what he was doing he told me he didn't want Eli to role off. The only problem with this is Eli wasn't in our bed, he never is we don't bring them in here.
-Marcus also woke up and began frantically searching through the bed, once again he was looking for Eli because he thought he had lost him.
-Finally I woke up to Marcus picking me up, because he was attempting to carry me back to the nursery. How he confuses me with our tiny babies I'll never know, but it's such an odd way to wake up.

So as you can see for the safety and sanity of everyone we need just a little bit more sleep around here. We've done the schedule for two nights now so I feel like its too soon to know if it actually works but last night was a little better.

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Yesterday was my due date which was kind of surreal to me. It was so strange to think about how much longer I could have been pregnant and how different things would have been with full term babies. I was surprised to find that I was a little sad on the actual day. I really feel like I was cheated out of so much, particularly in regards to their birth. I hate that I have no memory of it, I hate that I didn't get to hold Eli for over a day, and Emerson for over 5 days. I know it's stupid because I am so grateful that they're doing as well as they are but I can't help but think about the "what ifs" in regards to a normal pregnancy and birth experience. It's not a constant sadness it's mostly just when I stop to think about it or see pictures and read stories of other birth experiences where they talk about seeing and holding their babies for the first time. The first time I saw my babies I was basically still unconscious, they were covered in tubes and wires and they were in the NICU.

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Yesterday the babies also had their first session with their physical therapist who will come and help monitor their development. Obviously they're a little behind because of their prematurity and she showed us different exercises to do with the babies. I plan on writing a separate entry about all of this some time soon.

I think those are the main updates. It's been nice to have help. I wish Marcus never had to go back to work and I wish we always had extra help available. Yesterday Marcus and I went out to dinner and then went and saw UP with some friends while the babies hung out with their grandma, having family that lived closer would be so nice.