Friday, December 7, 2012

I don't blog because I'm tired...

Deep down, exhausted to the bone, can't hardly function tired. I love my job but it makes me tired. It requires so much of my time and my energy and I'm not doing a very good job at balancing all of that. More often than not I do work on my day off, I get phone calls while on vacation from parishioners when it's not an emergency.

I go to work and come and then I often return to work for meetings or classes or something, and I'm tired. As such this blog has taken a back seat. I was going through my posts this year and you can see that the posting frequency went down in July right when I got the job.

I think I need to do a better job at maintaining balance. Whatever that might look like. I think I'd like to go to the movies by myself sometime this week.

My friend and fellow clergywoman wrote this

There are a lot of moments when I am acutely aware of my own inadequacy. I feel the people I minister with have over-estimated me. Don’t they know I am under-qualified to convey these monumental and intensely intimate ideas to my self, my congregation and my culture? How could I ever fully explain that our God loves us and moves into our broken hearts, neighborhoods and nations? I am at a loss.
I want so desperately to do justice to this good news, I mire my soul in well-meaning
action, but it never seems to be enough. I don’t need recognition or glory. Hell, I’ll even
do without sleep. Just one more article, one more sermon, one more visit, one more
call, one more meeting, one more event, one more prayer, one more project, one
more rehearsal, one more hour, one more day…
The trouble is, in so doing, I may instead express a taskmaster God who drives me
to distracted exhaustion. And I spend so much time communicating, conveying,
counseling, and corralling people that I am shocked and embarrassed to find myself
on empty. At the end of the day, I find myself alone and wondering if this good news
is only for other people. When will it be for me?
Maybe after I finish the next thing.
I suspect God is not interested in making me busier but better: to once again infuse
and transform my life, if I’d slow down long enough to let it happen. Advent reminds
me that God can lovingly re-tune even my easily distracted heart to the kingdom of
God, and fill even my mediocre offering with joy, peace, hope, and love.

Go here to read more

A good remind this advent.

No comments: