And then there are the days...

when I feel like anything but a superwoman. Like today. Both babies have colds which they have kindly passed on to me. Luckily so far it mostly just seems to be runny noses (and our pedi. confirmed this for us when we rushed Eli to the doctor Friday in our illness paranoia). But they whine all night long and woke up at four this morning and would not go back to sleep.

So I got up with both of them and went to the living room. I put Eli in the swing and Emerson in the bouncer after they calmed down and laid on the couch. Emerson finally dozed off watching country music videos (we never let them watch TV but at 4 in the morning the music and TV calmed her down I was desperate) and Eli fell asleep in the swing and I eventually fell asleep on the couch. That's where Marcus found the three of us when he got up at 7.

So on just a few hours of sleep Marcus left for school and work and I was alone with two whiney, needy, babies who both just wanted to be held All.Day.Long. Plus I was exhausted and also sick and the three of us had several break downs throughout the day. It was a long, long, long day and reminded me of some of the early days with the babies when breakdowns were a regular occurrence. The day culminated with a meeting with my internship supervisor and committee. I was not in my finest form to say the least.

I'm so exhausted, feel awful, have more work than is humanly possible, the laundry needs to be done, I need to be applying for post-graduation jobs but that requires time, and we're flying home for my sisters wedding in a day in the midst of a snowstorm so we'll probably be stranded somewhere forever with two whiny babies. Then we'll quickly fly back where the work will be waiting, I'll be more behind, more exhausted, and the babies will be whiney and tired from the travel. Awesome.

Sometimes I think I really can't do this.

(And the babies are 9 months old today, but that's a post for another time).