Guess what we brought home today...

Eli! It happened so fast. Yesterday morning when we called to check in on them the nurse informed Marcus that Eli was being discharged the next day, holy crap. Marcus had to leave work and we frantically ran around trying to figure out last minute details like the carseats, and washing the sheets, clothes etc. Then for the rest of the day yesterday we were at the hospital asking the nurse a million questions trying to prepare ourselves for having our baby home.

Eli was also circumcised yesterday and he was a trooper. He's so laid back. The nurses warned me that I may hear him crying when they put his arms down and when they gave him the local, but nope not a peep out of our little boy the entire time. He seemed pretty unfazed by the whole thing.

This morning we went to the hospital early because discharge is suppose to be at 11. Lucky us got the slowest nurse in the universe (who is computer illiterate and couldn't figure out the discharge papers) so we ended up staying for 6 hours and finally bringing out little boy home around 5 and he was discharged weighing 5lbs 1oz. We successfully got through his first feeding at home. I nursed him for about 15 minutes and then we gave him a bottle of breastmilk and he went back to sleep. So far so good.

This is Eli in his first outfit of the day, he peed all over it so it didn't last long.


Our tiny baby in his carseat.


I still feel a little out of it since all of this happened literally overnight but we finally have one of our babies.



The next good news... Emerson is supposed to be discharged tomorrow morning! Last night she pulled out her feeding tube (because that's what she does) and rather than put it back they decided to see how she would do taking all of her feeds by bottle. Apparently she's doing well enough to be discharged even though as of yesterday she only weighed 3lbs 14oz. Today they were letting her eat as much as she wanted (I think this is their effort to fatten her up).

Emerson without any tubes on her face for the first time (I bet she was happy she's been pulling on them since the day she was born.)


We feel so blessed at how well our tiny 32 week old babies are doing. All of the weeks of bedrest were worth it so that their time in the hospital could be as short as possible. In the end they're going to spend less time in the NICU than I spent on bedrest and I would gladly do all of those weeks of nothing (as hard as it was) again. We are so grateful for their health and growth.

They still struggle with their feeds so we're hoping for a relatively easy time with that even though it sometimes takes them 40 minutes to finish a bottle. We're going to be exhausted (I already am) but soon we'll be done with the hospital and between my bedrest there and the NICU stay we are so over that place.

As I write my little baby is sleeping soundly in his crib (he looks so miniature inside the big crib) but he's content and so are we for the moment. (Although we check on him about every 5 minutes at this point).

Finally Home!

3 Weeks old (35 weeks 1 day)

Weights Yesterday: 5lbs and 3lbs 11oz (Emerson lost an oz)
Weights today: 5lbs 1oz and 3lbs 14oz

Eli updates: They took out his feeding tube this morning which means he now has to take all of his feeds by bottle. He did pretty well today. Some of the feedings took forever because he gets so tired but so far so good. I also nursed him again today and he did really well. The LC said he was the feeding champ of the week...

They've also started talking about Eli's discharge. They haven't given us a specific date but more than likely he'll be coming home sometime next week assuming his feeds continue to go well. His blood tests for von willebrands also came back all clear. And he he finally succeeded in getting his thumb in his mouth and sucking it was so adorable. He's getting so big and filling out nicely.

Here's our cute boy wide awake waiting to eat without any tubes or wires on his face for the first time in his life.


Emerson updates: Emerson also continues to improve. She moved out of her isolette into an open air crib yesterday. She's having a little trouble maintaining her temp, and it doesn't help that she's an escape artist and can get out of her swaddle. When I called to check on her this morning her nurse said she had escaped about 40 times.

The doctors also had to repeat her Von willebrands blood work because her clotting time came back a little slow (one of the signs of von willebrands). Her next set of labs was a little better but still not great and I'm still waiting to talk with hematology to see what they want to say/do about this. They're also having Emerson try and take all her feeds by bottle but she does best about every other time, and many times she's too tired to take all of it so the remainder is given through her tube. She still chokes quit a bit and then we have a blue baby incident which freaks us both out. She work with the OT again today and all in all is doing great. They did add another supplement to the breastmilk that she is fed so that she's taking in more calories since she's still so tiny.



So that's where we're at. The babies continue to improve each day and hopefully we'll have them both home sometime soon, and another family picture because the dad next to us offered to take it and we weren't going to turn him down.

The many faces of Emerson...

Emerson is just a tiny little peanut but she has so much personality (and has since being in utero). She was our uncooperative baby at every ultrasound. I had over 20 ultrasounds during this pregnancy and I think we only have 1 or 2 that sort of show her profile. At our anatomy scan they called in a doctor because they were concerned about her not having a nasal bone because she wouldn't give the tech an opportunity to see if it was there. Every-time the techs would try to get a measurement or a shot of her face she would flip over, put her hand in front of her face or hide. She did similar things during all of the monitoring sessions I had at the hospital on bedrest and really never quit moving. Eli was consistently in the exact same spot, but the nurses always had to go hunting to find out where she had moved to since the last session a few hours earlier. Now that she's here she continues to be a little feisty and is already so expressive and stubborn. Constantly pulling at her wires and feeding tubes. She's tiny but already so expressive and hilarious. The nurses always have stories of the things she has "demanded" from them... funny baby.

Chubby little babies...

Our babies are getting so big. Eli weighs 4lbs 15oz now he's officially a pound over his birth weight and Emerson weighs 3lbs 12oz. They are both gaining steadily now and they increased Emerson's feeds to 34cc and both are starting on vitamins. Eli has chubby little cheeks now that he's starting to fill out a little bit.

They're both taking bottles Eli takes a bottle about every other feeding and Emerson takes a few each day depending on how awake she is at feeding time. We're making progress and as soon as they can take all of their feeds from bottles with ease they get to come home to us.

Yesterday they did the lab work to test them for Von willebrand disease (a bleeding disorder that I have a mild form of). They both did really well with the blood draws and they had to take a lot considering how small the babies are. They just sucked on their sugar water and didn't seem to mind the pokes too much. All of the doctors and nurses compliment us on what easy babies we have. I'm hoping that continues when they come home.

Finally, Marcus and I took infant CPR yesterday which the NICU requires before they'll send the babies home. So we're checking things off and once the babies can eat they can come home. Hopefully that's sometime soon.

Doctor visit...

I had a quick doctors appointment today so the doctor could check my incision since my c-section was considered an emergency. It took all of about 2 seconds but the doctor did manage to share a stupid story about an infertile couple who adopted and then magically became pregnant two months later because the "pressure was off". This story was prompted when he mentioned that at the next PP appointment in 3 more weeks we would discuss birth control. When I said I didn't need any he told me this story. I know he meant no harm, but it's really insensitive to tell a couple who will NEVER EVER have a "surprise" pregnancy a story about a couple who adopted and then they magically conceived because they 'relaxed'.

Seriously? Not helpful, in fact it's hurtful and a reminder once again the severity of our diagnosis. As he was telling me this story I almost started crying. IF is so misunderstood as it is and to have a member of the medical community suggest that if we had only "relaxed" the 3 years of hell we went through to have our babies wouldn't have been necessary is just stupid. He's a doctor he should be above the "just relax" myth that so many seem to offer as though it's actually productive advice.

I later told Marcus that if I ever were to have a surprise pregnancy it would be akin to the conception of Jesus, that's the kind of miracle it would take. I'm not excited to have this conversation again in 3 weeks at my next appointment with a different doctor. Can't they make a note in the chart or something?

In other news I'm 9 pounds away from my pre-pregnancy weight and he gave me the okay to slowly start "jogging". It's going to be really slow since the bedrest left me without any muscles at all, and I'm still tender from the surgery. We'll see how that goes.

Quick thoughts...

Weights yesterday: 4lbs 12oz & 3lbs 9oz
Weights today: 4lbs 13oz & 3lbs 10oz

New development-They are starting to lower Emerson's temperature in her isolette. The hope is that she'll be able to maintain her own temp, and can move into a crib.

Feedings-Both are taking bottles (Occasionally). Eli gets a bottle every other feeding and Emerson gets one or two a day. I fed both yesterday and Marcus got over his blue baby fear and fed Eli today.

One way to inquire about IF treatment- I guess a nicer way to inquire whether someone's twins are the result of IF treatment is to ask, "Did you try for a long time or did it just happen this way?" When I responded we tried for a long time, she said, "Then this is extra special isn't is" This is honestly the first time 'that' question hasn't bothered me too much.

Judgment of the day- (I apologize in advance) I don't understand why people continue to smoke with babies in the NICU. There's a couple in our NICU who come in smelling like smoke every day. It's awful and makes the entire room smell. It seems like having a baby in the NICU would be motivation to quit (but what do I know?)

Kangaroo care- Did some more of that yesterday. I had Eli and Marcus held Emerson.

Mail- We received the babies social security cards today... they were much more efficient than I expected and their birth certificates are ready to be picked up.

And we were able to take a much better family picture.


Bed time... (so I can get up in a few hours to pump).

Eli turned blue...

Last night I attempted to feed Eli his bottle twice. At his 6:00 feeding he was pretty much asleep and didn't really take anything from me (this is a theme I can never get him to drink the bottle from me). Then we tried again at his 9:00 feeding because he was finally wide awake. This is when Eli turned blue not once but three times.

Before his 9:00 feedings the nurses take his stats and weigh him and I changed his diaper and his clothes and he was getting really impatient with all of this nonsense. It was obvious during all of this that he was hungry and just wanted to eat. So when it was finally time, he took the bottle and just start gulping. Which does not work so well for tiny babies who still need to work on the whole suck, swallow, breath combination and his monitor's alarm promptly turned to red, starting dinging, he stopped breathing and turned blue and gray. It was terrifying and thankfully the nurse was standing there instructing me what to do. Eventually with some back patting and leaning him forward he started panting for air and some of his color returned.

Hesitantly, I gave Eli his bottle once again and he did okay for a few minutes. Until we had a repeat of the above scenario and once again I was holding a blue baby who wasn't really breathing. He was just sort of slumped in my arms and his face looked awful his lips were blue. Again the nurse instructed me what to do and eventually he started panting and breathing again.

At this point I was ready to give up on the whole bottle feeding session, but instead we switched out the nipple of the bottle to a slower flow and tried again. Then the same thing happened. Finally, at this point the nurse decided that he was working just a little too hard for his dinner, and I was becoming exasperated at seeing my baby continually turning blue and gray.

I know this is all just part of his immaturity. Sucking, swallowing and breathing are still a lot of work for him but this sucked a lot. The nurse then explained to me what had happened, why it happened, and what to do should this ever happen at home... holy crap. I hoping that by the time he's ready to come home the eating thing is much easier and I never have to face this without the help of monitors which alert me to the distress and a roomful of nurses.

I have to say that while all of this was happening I did a really good job of not panicking. I was calm the entire time and just listened the nurse on what to do. However, once the entire feeding session was over I was little more freaked out by the whole thing, and I think at this point Marcus will never want to try and feed the babies again, since he's been afraid this would happen from the very start of introducing the bottle.

The rest of his feeding was given through his tube and I held him until he turned back to his pink, rosy, little self.

In other feeding nurse, before all of this happened Marcus gave Emerson her 8:00 feeding from a bottle. She did really well (until she fell asleep) and there were no major incidents and both babies continue to gain. Eli 4lbs 10oz and Emerson 3lbs 9oz.