I don't blog because I'm tired...

Deep down, exhausted to the bone, can't hardly function tired. I love my job but it makes me tired. It requires so much of my time and my energy and I'm not doing a very good job at balancing all of that. More often than not I do work on my day off, I get phone calls while on vacation from parishioners when it's not an emergency.

I go to work and come and then I often return to work for meetings or classes or something, and I'm tired. As such this blog has taken a back seat. I was going through my posts this year and you can see that the posting frequency went down in July right when I got the job.

I think I need to do a better job at maintaining balance. Whatever that might look like. I think I'd like to go to the movies by myself sometime this week.

My friend and fellow clergywoman wrote this

There are a lot of moments when I am acutely aware of my own inadequacy. I feel the people I minister with have over-estimated me. Don’t they know I am under-qualified to convey these monumental and intensely intimate ideas to my self, my congregation and my culture? How could I ever fully explain that our God loves us and moves into our broken hearts, neighborhoods and nations? I am at a loss.

I want so desperately to do justice to this good news, I mire my soul in well-meaning
action, but it never seems to be enough. I don’t need recognition or glory. Hell, I’ll even
do without sleep. Just one more article, one more sermon, one more visit, one more
call, one more meeting, one more event, one more prayer, one more project, one
more rehearsal, one more hour, one more day…

The trouble is, in so doing, I may instead express a taskmaster God who drives me
to distracted exhaustion. And I spend so much time communicating, conveying,
counseling, and corralling people that I am shocked and embarrassed to find myself
on empty. At the end of the day, I find myself alone and wondering if this good news
is only for other people. When will it be for me?

Maybe after I finish the next thing.

I suspect God is not interested in making me busier but better: to once again infuse
and transform my life, if I’d slow down long enough to let it happen. Advent reminds
me that God can lovingly re-tune even my easily distracted heart to the kingdom of
God, and fill even my mediocre offering with joy, peace, hope, and love.

Go here to read more

A good remind this advent.

We drove, ate, married, danced, & were sick...

Clever title huh? This last week has been a bit of whirlwind. The highlights...

1.) We drove home for thanksgiving. It took us 3 hours to go 40 miles as we left our city due to a traffic accident and then we hit rush hour traffic. The drive to my brothers which should have taken about 4.5 hours instead took over 7.

2.) We had our christmas pictures taken, and it's getting easier and easier to get a picture with the two of them together.

3.) We had some turkey and stuff...

4.) On friday we went to my dad's and had more turkey and stuff (have to love family hopping at the holidays).

5.) Later on Thursday I actually ventured into a store with my aunt. It was madness I'm sure there's some sort of sermon illustration in the experience. I didn't wait in any lines but Marcus did with his brother, and as a thank you his brother bought him a tv. Boys and their TVs.

6.) On Saturday my mom got married and I preformed the ceremony. (I'm write more about this later with pictures).

7.) Eli & Emmy were the cutest ring bearer and flower girl ever.

 

See aren't they cute!

8.) Emerson was a dancing fool at the reception.

9.) I saw my very conservative cousins and we avoided any political discourse praise the lord.

10.) We were all sick and I had enough voice to get through the wedding ceremony and then promptly lost it by the reception.

11.) Now we move onto advent and Christmas... let the busy season of my job commence! (I just need to get well so I have energy for all the festivities).

How was your thanksgiving and beyond?

People Say Weird Things...

Occasionally I have days where people just say weird/rude things today was one of those days. Despite being at my church for 4 months now, with 2 kids who are the exact same size, people are still discovering Eli & Emmy are twins.

I did a talk today about an initiative in my denomination that works to improve maternal health around the globe. As part of my talk I mentioned that I owe the health and life of my premature twins to my access to good medical care.

After church I had several people comment on the twin thing but a few comments were particularly odd.

1.) As I was receiving people a man came up to me and said, "One of my twins was premature." I wasn't quite sure what to make of his statement and said, "oh they have different birthdays" (I have heard of cases where one baby is delivered and the other isn't. Rare but not unheard of).

He then responded, "No they were born 3 minutes apart." Um... say what. How do you have twins born 3 minutes apart and only one was premature? At some point I might go ask more questions because this story makes no sense and these are typically smart people.

2.) Another woman told me that she delivered her twins 2 weeks early (aka full-term, but whatever...) she told me they were 7 and 8lbs which is wonderful and I told her such.

Then the dreaded question I hate so so much, "Are yours natural?" I despise this question. For starters how my children were conceived is none of your  business if you're asking for simple curiosities sake. Second, All babies are natural. Three, It doesn't make any different one way or another.

She then went on to say, "Well my twins were natural." Thanks for sharing.

3.) I learned that fraternal twins are not different than a regular brother or sister who just happened to be born at the same time. Again people, I know this. I have a boy and a girl as fraternal as they can be, this is not new information,.

4.) Later in the day we were invited to a gathering at our neighbors house. They mean well but they're old and a little bit nutty. They invited some of the other neighbors over as well. This couple has 2 dogs and I was telling Emerson that we don't feed dogs human food. (If the owners want to that's there business but I don't want Emmy to get in the habit of giving animals any food).

Emerson said okay and went outside to play. The woman than says to me, "When my children were little we never ever said the N-O word... okay... fine but I still didn't want Emerson to feed the dog. 

She also gave Eli and Emerson these huge glass coffee mugs to drink out of and filled them all the way to the top with orange juice. Then she wanted them to drink the entire glass as she stood their and watched. They were both a little perplexed by the request and of course couldn't do it.

5.) Then even later in the day at a funeral at the church I got the standard funeral response during the reception, "You don't look old enough to be a minister. You look just like a teenager." Noted, doesn't need to be said.

In conclusion people are weird.

Perspective on Voting...

 In 2005 I was in Zimbabwe for a work mission trip and we were there during the 4th of July.
One of the students over there said to me, "Congratulations on your day of independence."

I had never thought about it quite in those terms before, until hearing that sentiment from someone who was a from a war ravaged country without that same independence.

Today that same friend is now living in Michigan State getting his masters degree and he asked me today on facebook, "Have you voted today?"

I responded that I had and he replied that voting in America is amazing and so many people just have the freedom and opportunity to vote.

Then he said,  "I hope that will someday be true for all of Africa."

 Again it's that tiny dose of perspective. Our election cycles often turn into a crazy kind of circus. It lasts forever, the ads and other campaigning are relentless, the money spent is horrific, and it can all just be exhausting.

Yet, today I was reminded how very important it is that we have a right and ability to cast our vote, and that for many in the world that notion doesn't exist.

I took Eli and Emerson with me this morning to the polling place. I want them to being to see from an early age how important it is to always always vote.

Just got back from Texas...

I was in Texas these past few days for an advocacy training concerning maternal health and family planning. Really great stuff! Things I'm passionate about and I learned some practical things I can do to start making an actual impact for woman and children around the world.

For the time being though I mostly just want to sleep. Eli and Emerson were a little bit hyped up since I was back and they didn't go to sleep very well. Traveling is exhausting.

"I Santa HO, HO, HO..."

I spent the better part of this weekend sewing Halloween Costumes. I have this thing about wanting their costumes to be homemade. I think it's more fun that way, but it's a lot more work for me (especially since my sewing skills are pretty much non-existent).

Emerson's princess dress took forever and they both kept asking, "It all done?"

I promised as I tucked them in last night that they're costumes would be finished when they woke up so they could wear them to church.

When I came home from the early church service to pick them up they were both happily wearing their new, finished, costumes.

Eli walked to the car saying, "I santa Ho, Ho, Ho" and then as I was buckling him into his carseat he looked at me and said, "It's all done, thank you mama."

It was the sweetest thing I've ever heard in my entire life.

When we got to the church Eli wasn't quite expecting the attention his Santa costume would attract. Everyone was asking for presents, trying to get him to say Ho, Ho, Ho on command. My poor quiet boy does not like the attention, and by the end of the day he was just snapping, "NO!" and people haha.

He still didn't feel very well, my family hung out in my office during church, the kids did the Halloween activities following the service and they quickly went home as Eli kept saying, "I all done."

 

My Santa and Princess

 

They like to be with me during the first part of the service before the children's message. 

 

You can't really see us but we're all up front.

 

Santa got a little warm. Apparently, Santa suits are not designed for October in California. (Don't mind his too small t-shirt).

First ER Visit in the new city...

It was bound to happen. My children have a way of need to visit ER's no matter where we live. Eli woke up early this morning (like 4am) screaming.

We were able to get him back to sleep but he woke up again at a decent hour screaming and crying about his ear. He wouldn't sit up, or move, he just laid in his bed and cried.

We figured it probably had an ear infection and decided that given the amount of pain he seemed to be in the pediatric ER was our best bet.

Poor baby cried the entire way to the hospital. They gave him some ear drops and an antibiotic plus a stuffed lizard he named "Greenie" and some stickers.

When he came home and showed Emmy his prizes from the hospital she immediatly said, "I'm very sick" and fake coughed. She's pretty ridiculous.

:::

Today I said to Marcus, "If we decide to ever have another kid we should probably do it while we live in this city since there's a NICU here."

Sort of a sad statement, but it just came out of my mouth. It's the only reality I know.

:::

My senior pastor stopped by on his way home from the church today to see Eli. It was unannounced and our house was a mess. I was horrified oops.

:::

I have a paper due tomorrow. Apparently paper writing does not end after school is over for me. Another to do in the long list of requirements for the ordination process. I haven't started it yet... some habits never change.

:::

We carved pumpkins, and I finished the kids costumes. I'm not a seamstress. Emerson's princess dress is a hot mess but she thinks it's beautiful.

Eli's Santa costume is cute but sewing on Santa fur is tough on my sewing machine. It gets stuck in the foot. Marcus said, "That's probably why Mrs. Clause sews by hand," He's so helpful.

:::
I've mentioned before that Marcus is the head coach of the boys high school cross-country team. This week it was the high school's homecoming/spirit week and after school on friday was a pep rally and football game so Marcus decided to have a morning practice so as to not interfere with their activies.

The parents of these boys lost their minds. How dare Marcus make their children get up early and have a practice, surely this is way to much for their precious little breakable teenage boys. Only 1/3 of the boys showed up and Marcus got a lot of angry emails from parents.

What is wrong with parents? It was one morning practice, one. Getting up early will not kill a teenager, in fact I imagine that there will come a time in their life when it will be required. Get over it already good lord.

One mom emailed the team mom to complain. The team mom promptly forwarded it to Marcus and told the other mom, "It's tradition and no boys have ever been harmed from an occasional morning practice" Seriously, these parents are insane. 

When I did high school sports we often had morning practice. My sophomore year of high school I took a zero period weights class that required me to be at school by 6am every day. I lived...