6 years ago today...

I married my Marcus, and with each passing day, and each passing year I love him more.


I wish I could adequately describe just how amazing I think he is, and how much his love and support has meant to me these last 6 years. Through a move to California, his support when I studied abroad and various other international travels, a move 3000 miles across the country so I could go to the grad. school of my dreams, a devastating IF diagnosis, his support through the breakup of my parent's marriage, and finally his love and patience during the difficult pregnancy, bedrest, NICU and now twin parenthood.

I couldn't do any of it without him. I'm so looking forward what the many more years together have to offer.

3 months old

(Emerson's smile cracks me up, she smiles with her whole face and her tongue).

At 3 months they both smile all the time, and they both still need to work on head control especially Eli.

They both love the swing (unfortunately we only have one).

They are both still in newborn clothes, although Eli can fit some 0-3 mths.

Eli is love with bright lights and stares and turns towards them.

Emerson smacks her lips when she's finished with her bottle.

Emerson has started to coo a little, especially at her dad.

Eli eats 3.5 ozs at each feeding and Emerson eats 3 oz.

Reflux baby and other things...

So it does in fact seem to be the case that Emerson's issues with eating are related to reflux. She saw the pediatrician this morning and was prescribed zantac so hopefully we'll see some improvement soon. Poor baby. It's so sad to see her cry every time she eats. I was a little annoyed with the nurse when I called to ask about it though, according to the nurse Emerson was probably just, "going through a thing" whatever that means. I'm assuming she was implying that Emerson was just having a weird eating phase that would pass, which is a hugely absurd thing to suggest about a 3 month old baby. She's not old enough to "have a thing". Luckily our pediatrician was a little more receptive to our concerns.

When we were picking up the prescription from the pharmacy Marcus had the following ridiculous conversation:

Pharm. lady: You have twins? Boys, Girls?

Marcus : We have a boy and a girl.

Pharm. lady: Are they identical?

Marcus: No we have a boy and a girl

Pharm. lady: Well you never know they still could be

Marcus: ????? oh...????

When he came back over to me he had the funniest expression on his face. People are fun.

We also took Eli to the doctor this morning because he sounds a little off to us. He doesn't have a fever or a cough though and the doctor said his lungs sounded fine. I think we just might be paranoid parents of our little preemies, but I would rather have him checked and have it be nothing than to let something get out of hand.

I really hate taking them out any where. I don't like the attention they get and I don't want anyone touching them. When we have to take them places (like the doctor) we keep their car seats covered with a blanket in an effort to discourage people from looking and touching. This has worked until recently, when several people have requested we move the blankets so they can look... I'm not really sure how to respond to that without looking like a paranoid crazy person.

In other baby news they're 13 weeks old and at night they will now go 4 hours between feedings (which is all we would let them) but that currently seems to be their need. Marcus and I have stopped being so rigid with the 3 hour feedings now that they're older. We follow their cues a little more and feed them when they seem to want to eat (which actually still happens to be about every 3 hours or sometimes sooner).

We're making progress with the fussiness too. Last night I managed to pick them both up at the same time and bounce them on our exercise ball. It was a killer on my back, but it worked until Marcus came home. If only I could figure out how to work my ring sling...

Physical therapy Session #2

The physical therapist came by again today to check on the progress of the babies since last month. Unfortunately, Eli is behind even for his adjusted age. He's no where near where he should be for a 3 month old, and is not even where a 1 month old would be (his adjusted age). Which is very disappointing to me. He still holds his head to the right which has resulted in tight neck muscles, despite all of our efforts and won't really lift his head during tummy time.

Emerson slept through the session, but based on what I told the PT about Emerson's progress she's more in line with her adjusted age development.

The rest of this post is mostly for my own record, I'm just going to transcribe the notes left by the PT. So just a warning that it's not going to be overly exciting.

Eli-

Progress: Doing well; gaining weight; still holds head turned to the right, despite positioning, prefers tummy time on parent's chest, rather than on the floor.

During today's visit:
- Eli is able to hold his head upright in a fully supported upright position with his back and back of head against an adult's chest, a little bobbling side to side.
-Unable to flex his neck against gravity at all - was unable to do a pull to sit even from almost vertical.
-Tummy time on the floor-lifted head momentarily, emerging ability to turn side to side
-Holds neck rotated to right, was able to track a face and turn head to left about 40 degree in supine.

Suggested activities for daily routine:
1. Position so that he is encouraged to turn his head to his left. Try to get him to turn his head actively, as well as helping him or turning him to his left when he's sleeping
2. *Gently stretch his neck to the left for 30 sec, 10 times a day*
3. Pull to sit- start with him almost vertical, gently pull on his arms and try to get him to pull his head forward. Gradually lower the starting point.
4. Hold him vertical, against your chest facing away from you. Begin to slowly tip him side to side to challenge head control.
5. Tummy time- 30 min. a day total, at least 10 min. combined on floor.

Emerson-

Progress: Healthy and growing/gaining weight. Head control is improving. Tries to suck her thumb, but has trouble keeling it once she gets it. Had hips ultrasound because one appears shorter-ok.

During today's visit: Per mom's report: Emerson is able to lift her head for a few seconds when lying on her tummy and is beginning to be able to turn her head from side to side, Pushes with arms a little. Fairly good head control in an upright position. Pulls to sit actively from about 45 degree recline.

Suggested activities for daily routine:
1. In vertical-support her trunk and less support to head. Slowly tip her side to side/front to back to challenge head control.
2. Keep up with tummy time 30 minutes a day.
3. Pull to sit- keep gradually declining the starting position.

Today...

Today my older brother turned 26...

Today he celebrated that birthday in Afghanistan...

Today on the news I learned that July 2009 was the deadliest month of the war, and heard the latest death toll..

Today I wished he was home, with his wife, in Nevada... not Afghanistan...

Today I said another prayer that he will come home...

Today I hated the war...


Happy Birthday Luke. Stay safe and come home.

Want to see something crazy?

They've changed so much already (click on it to enlarge).

12 Weeks 1 day

My babies are 12 weeks already and this also means I have officially been pumping for 12 weeks which frankly is a miracle. Pretty much everyday I want to quit, and then I push on. It's a day to day decision. We'll see how long it will last I hate it. I'm also happy to say that the babies seem unfazed by the need to supplement, they each only get about 3oz total each day in formula so I am happy and relieved about that, and it does take some of the pressure off of me having to try and produce enough.

Emerson saw the cardiologist yesterday to have her murmur looked at. They did an EKG and an ECCO and for now the cardiologist doesn't think it's anything to worry about. They'll follow up in a year and keep watching it but for now it's no big deal. The cardiologist was really great. I was impressed that he took the time to look up their records and knew the history of their prematurity and their stay in the NICU.

Marcus and I are both starting to really wonder if Emerson's regression in eating is a result of some sort of reflux (the cardiologist agreed, when he was asking about her eating habits and others here have suggested it as well). While she's eating, she'll suddenly start flailing her arms and crying. She is also resistant to eating about half-way through. Although she almost never spits up. So who knows we'll definitely be contacting her pedi. to ask about all of this, especially since her eating has been getting worse recently instead of better.

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I bought a maya ring sling yesterday and I was really excited about it, except for one small problem. I cannot for the life of me figure out how to use it. I read the manuel, watched the DVD, and even looked up youtube videos. I'm not really sure what I'm doing wrong, but Emerson was very patient with me yesterday as I tried to figure it out. I'm going to give it another shot today.

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One of the most amazing things to me about my babies is how different they are from one another. Eli loves to be held, cuddled, and swaddled. Emerson also likes to be held but she's not content to hold still, and she has never liked being constrained by the swaddle. Even in the NICU after she moved to her open air crib, she would escape from her swaddle all the time, it perplexed the nurses how she was getting out of it. We've found the same to be true at home. Each night we swaddle her, and then not long after when we go in to check on her we find this...


Every night she unwraps herself, turns herself sideways, and puts her feet up on the crib. It's been really hot and humid here lately (90% humidity yuck! I'm from Nevada and not used to the humidity at all I hate it). So they've just been sleeping in their diapers. Apparently, even that is too constraining for miss Emerson, because she also somehow managed to get her diaper off. Not sure how she managed that either. Although both Marcus and I find it entertaining to watch just how exactly she gets out of her swaddle. She's a clever little baby.