Improvements...

I've written before about how clingy Emerson is around me. From the second I came home from work she was glued to my side, and she wouldn't let Marcus or anyone else do anything for her if I was present.

This resulted in an epic meltdowns at the wedding she was suppose to be in last month, plus it isolated family and friends because she would not let anyone near her if I was around. She was beside herself all the time if I was not physically holding her. It was so frustrating and it was unfair to everyone around especially Eli. It was to the point where I felt like I never had any time with her brother because she was so needy and dependent and monopolized every second of my time.

What's crazy is in the last 20 days (since we've moved) she's done a complete reversal. It's like she's not even the same kid. She's outgoing, friendly, lets her dad help her, in fact she willingly goes and sits on his lap when I'm present, we haven't had a single, "mama, mama, mama, mama..." hysterics incident, and even more astounding is that at my church she's friendly and willingly approaches other people.

One of my biggest fears for my first Sunday was that Emerson would freak out while I was up at the pulpit (which happened at my previous church when she wasn't in the nursery). I was also worried that she would freak out when it was time to go to Sunday school, but we haven't had a single issue.

In fact it's just the opposite. On Tuesday a few of the church people were over at our house getting some vacation bible school stuff ready. Emerson walked right up to her Sunday school teacher and put her arms up to be held, and then she laughed and played and she didn't even seem worried or concerned that I wasn't next to her.

Today our church treasurer stopped by to drop of my pay check and once again Emerson approached her and was showing off some of her things. It's truly astounding.

Although here's where the mama guilt starts in. The primary thing that's been different these last 20 days is that I've been home pretty much all the time. My new church congregation is much smaller and I work from home. Whereas for the last year I've worked full time outside, plus I was tutoring, and had nightly job related things several times a week.  Currently, unless I have meetings, visitations etc. I'm at home, and since it's summer most of our programing and classes are on hold until Fall so there hasn't been a whole lot of time commitment away. Plus the church is right next door, so even if I have to go they can often come with me or at least see from our house window where I'm going. I honestly think that her new change in attitude has to do with some comfort over the fact that I'm present and not leaving her on a daily basis.

Which makes me so happy, but also makes me feel like crap that for the last year she's been dealing with some major anxiety about me leaving and not being present which then manifest itself in some crazy, clingy behavior.

*sigh* There's nothing I can do about the past so I'm just going to be grateful for how much calmer and happier she's been lately. She's the adorable, sweet girl that I always knew but that nobody else ever got to see.