I have a new nephew!!

Isaac Tyler

July 21, 2010

6lbs 8oz 19 in. long

My sister and her husband had their first baby tonight a tiny little boy. I have to say that with each successive pregnancy/birth my own pain from our infertility and my own sucky birth experience lessens, but it's still there and I still cry. 

That said I am so thankful that it's not as awful as it used to be. Prior, when we were still in the midst of our own infertility battle a pregnancy announcement sent me over the edge, and I'm happy to say that I'm much better. I don't break down into a sobbing mess anymore... yay for progress.

However, my new hurt is labor and delivery. I still mourn that I wasn't awake for my delivery, I mourn that Marcus wasn't able to be in the room, I mourn that they were premature and I didn't get to see or hold them for days. I mourn leaving the hospital without them, I mourn that every single thing related to getting pregnant, pregnancy, labor and delivery was abnormal. Although I mourn these things for myself and cry my silent tears, I am truly truly grateful for the healing that has already taken place.

I am in a much better place than I was even a few months ago and perhaps with time hearing stories of pregnancy announcements won't make me hurt and hearing about L&D won't make me cry. I hate that the infertility and my subsequent pregnancy full of complications have resulted in causing pain in the midst of a joyous happy occasion.

I noted to Marcus as we headed down to the hospital that I was getting to see and hold my nephew much sooner than I did Eli and Emerson. He was a mere two hours old tiny and new. Congrats to my sister and brother-in-law, and yay for a new boy baby in the family!

(And this probably lacks any kind of coherency I'm exhausted and have had a massive migraine most of the day).