Our Little Pebbles

I love...

2012-01-28T23:26:00.000-08:00

Africa University, Zimbabwe 2005

I love my job even though it's not always easy. Even when I get frustrated or sad, or discouraged. Because there's also much joy and love and the message of love, justice, and the transformation of our world.

I love Eli and Emerson even when they climb onto the kitchen counter in search of chocolate, eat 3 chap-sticks, throw 3 dolls, 2 trains, and a bear inside the bushes and then ask me to get them out, and find my make-up and make themselves look pretty like mama. (this was about one hour of activities this afternoon).

Connecticut May 2009

I love my husband for being him, and showing up to a church party 2 hours late because he's been working, only to be greeted with clapping and cheering which is pretty much his nightmare situation. Yet, he comes to these things anyways and then goes to the church to make copies of my bulletin at 9pm on a Saturday night.

Connecticut Spring 2008

I love my friends and know that even from thousands of miles away that should I need them they are there.

(We were suppose to be making sad faces because we were graduating and moving away from each other. Some missed the memo. CT May 200)

I am blessed in all the ways that matter most. I think sometimes I have a tendency to focus on the things we don't have, or the frustrations, or the propane bills. This is a reminder of all the good and wonderful things that are more precious than anything else in the world.

CT spring 2008

I am blessed.

Friday 5...

2012-01-27T21:09:00.000-08:00

1.) I slept really well on Wednesday night. I think the winning combination is 6:30am prayer and an hour of zumba. Physically exhausting myself seems to be key. However, keeping that schedule daily may in fact kill me, but I need a sleep solution. I did zumba on Wednesday and have done the shred for the last two days. Go me!

2.) Eli & Emerson have entered a stage where they get into everything. They're toddlers they've always gotten into things, but it's at a whole new level. Their new favorite targets are my office and our junk drawer in the kitchen. Today Marcus took the drawer out and put it on top of the fridge. This did not deter them. Emerson dragged a chair over to the counter, climbed up, and was attempting to get onto the chair. Eli came and got me and said, "Emmy uppa der" I didn't know where she was up but I knew it couldn't be good and it wasn't.

3.) I've read 4 of the 5 books in the Jessica Darling series. They're not for me. I've heard such good things but I've been disappointed.

4.) Tomorrow my church as an "All church" birthday party. As part of it we have a white elephant gift exchange. I have a skunk that dances and sings "I'm to Sexy for my shirt". What are your thoughts on the pastor bringing that as the gift for the exchange haha...

5.) Eli and Emerson destroyed the question mark function on my computer so I can't appropriately punctuate questions. They also broke the "l" so I have to cut and paste and l each time I use it. Super fun times.

My first Vlog, and it's about books!

2012-01-26T09:43:00.000-08:00

So a few disclaimers.

1.) If you want to see the video that I refer to when I announce my pregnancy to Marcus you can go here

2.) I talk quite a bit about the Twilight books in a criticizing way. I just want to say that I appreciate that those books encourage people to read who otherwise don't. That's awesome. They just weren't for me (especially #4). I also think I say Bell instead of Bella the bummer about vlogs is they're much harder to correct.

3.) Eli shared with everyone that he went "poo-poo" sorry about that, don't worry his dad had already changed his diaper he was just keeping me informed.

4.) My husband and two kids were present while taping... so yeah.

5.) I was inspired to color code my books by Julie at her blog here and Jacki at her blog here, I was inspired by their vlogs as well so check them out.

Prayer, dentist, doctor and Zumba...

2012-01-25T19:43:00.001-08:00

This has been a long exhausting day.

It started with 6:30am prayer.

Then Eli and Emerson had their first dental appointment. It mostly went well. Eli went first because he generally the more relaxed of the two.

Doesn't he look cute.

He did really well a few silent tears rolled down his face once the chair was laid back and the dentist started trying to look at his teeth. He was very excited about his new toy story toothbrush though

Emmy flipped out. Which I totally expected but it made seeing her teeth much easier. We promised her a sticker when she was done, so as soon as the doctor was done she loudly cried, "STICKER"plus they each got two new books and the toothbrush so in the end they were satisfied.

(No picture of Emmy she was too upset for such things).

Thus far their teeth look wonderful and there are no issues.

I hope I passed on my good teeth to them. I've never had a cavity. It's the only health related thing I want to pass on. (I've already passed on a bleeding disorder).

Marcus has his follow with the doctor for the pain he's been having in his side. No clear answer. They did some more blood work and he has to keep a food diary. He goes back in a few weeks.

And then I ended the evening by attending Zumba for the second time. (The first time was last June). I'm so out of shape, but zumba is so fun. There was a woman there who was probably 6 months pregnant and she was amazing. If I ever have another pregnancy I want the kind where I can go to zumba. None of that hospital bedrest stuff.

I also made a vlog but I'm having a hard time getting it to post.

My sweet boy...

2012-01-23T08:00:00.000-08:00

Yesterday my sweet boy said, "God Bless you mommy."

It melted me heart.

Marcus laughed a little and said, "Eli you're such a Pk."*

He's such a sweet fun boy.

Quieter than his sister, but full of energy, with a sense of humor.

And sometimes he says, "God bless you mommy"

*pk= Pastor's kid

Today I learned you have to pay for prescriptions...

2012-01-22T21:00:00.000-08:00

Who knew? This was brand new information? (And for all those incapable of reading my sarcasm it's very thick at this moment).

I've posted before about the insane cost of my Crohn's medication to the tune of $679 (this time around).

Marcus dropped my prescription off at a new pharmacy a couple of days ago and today they called me and we had the following very enlightening conversation. The brackets are just the things I thought but didn't say.

Them: We have a prescription here for you and we want to make sure you want to fill it.

Me: Yes please. [That's why I dropped it off]

Them: You do realize this is a very expensive medication?

Me: Yes I do it's very unfortunate.

Them: It's $679.

Me: Yes that's about what I was expecting.

Them: You have a very high deductible on your insurance plan.

Me: Yes I know that too is unfortunate.

Them: You do realize that if we fill this we are going to expect payment.

Me: Umm... yes. [Generally that it how it works. I drop the prescription, you fill it, I pay you.]]

Them: Are you sure you understand that this is an expensive medication?

Me: Yes I'm quite aware.

Them: So you want us to fill it.

Me: Yes [this is why I dropped it off].

Good lord what a bunch of insanity, and I'm not sure I even convinced them that I understood the concept of payment. They seemed uneasy about the whole thing. I've never ever been grilled about getting this prescription filled before. The first time I filled it the cost was $1300 (before insurance I had much better insurance when I was a grad student. How I miss that coverage) and that was a huge surprise and shock to the system but there was no debate and demeaning conversation in which they attempted to make sure I understood that I would have to in fact pay them.

*Sigh*

If any makers or researchers of medications (however that works) are reading could you please make a generic ASAP. I don't know what it involves at all but you can do it!

And while I'm venting about things related to money. I would like to add that I hate propane heat. It's expensive and it seems like every time we turn around the propane company is sending us another ridiculous expensive bill.

Random thought from reading...

2012-01-21T23:15:00.000-08:00

This is going to be totally random but what's a blog for if not to record random thoughts.

I'm reading a crime novel that was originally written in Swedish. The author is swedish. I've only just started and of course like any good mystery the murder has just occurred.

The detective in a debrief about the scene described it as, "Something you would see in an American movie."

How incredibly tragic that our country, culture, and forms of media are know for horrific, bloody, violence.

Random thought over.

Back to reading or maybe sleep or something...

Puppy Love...

2012-01-21T21:45:00.000-08:00

Emerson reminds me a lot of one of my younger sisters (who is also a twin). My sister Lindy loves all kinds of creatures, lizards, pigs, goats, dogs, etc. etc. Growing up she had all sorts of animals in her room.

Emerson is a lot like that. She loves snails, is fascinated by pugs, adores cats, but she has a special affection for dogs, all of with are just "puppies" to her.

Every friday Eli and Emerson accompany to the Bible study I teach. They sit and eat snacks and watch a movie while I lead the study. We meet in the home of one of my parishioners and she has a dog. I often find Emerson underneath the table nose to nose with the dog.

Laughing hysterically as the dog licks her on the nose.

The other day we were walking home from the post office when Emerson noticed an actual puppy in the yard of one of our neighbors. She instantly fell in love. Crouched next to the fence and waited for the puppy to come over. Which it did.

Emerson sat and laughed and petted the puppy. Finally, it was time to go home and we literally had to pick her up and carry her away. The whole time she was sobbing hysterically, "PUPPPPPPPYYYYYYYYY, PuPPPPPPPPPPPPPYYYY"

At that moment we were the meanest parents in the world. Once inside she ran to the door and continued to cry. It broke my heart so I walked her back down to have another chat with the puppy. Of course the separation was the same.

Yesterday, I saw the owner of the puppy outside and I mentioned how much Emerson loved it. She then made me a very surprising offer, "You want to the puppy? You can have it."

Eekkk not what I was expecting.

As much as I would love to get Emerson a puppy it's just not in the cards for us right now.

Emerson was so cute though, she kept talking about the "Baby puppy."

Emmy will just have to love puppy's from afar.

This has been one of those weeks...

2012-01-20T22:57:00.000-08:00

~Too much going on. Not enough time or energy to attend to them all.

~I have a funeral tomorrow and those are always difficult.

~Eli and Emerson have boundless energy, and chatter constantly. This is all wonderful but I really really wish they would take a nap.

~Eli and learned to say, "sissy did it" so when ever the two of them get in trouble the conversation goes liek this.

Me: What are you guys doing?

Emmy: Bubba did it.

Me: Eli did you do this?

Eli: No, Sissy did it.

Me: Emmy did you do this?

Emmy: No, bubba did it.

and the cycle continues. I think they've worked this plan out among themselves.

~Marcus has an ultrasound for the pain he's been having in his side. No results yet which is obnoxious.

~ I read Pride and Prejudice this week. My first Jane Austen I enjoyed it far more than I thought I would, but I a so grateful to be a woman in this era and not that one.

~ Eli and Emerson drag chairs around the house with them and they get into every thing. It's exhausting and messy. Nothing is safe. They climb chairs, up onto the counters, into the highest cabinets. They discovered a package of gum this way.

~Lately Eli has been leading us in prayer. It's adorable and they go something like this, "Thank you, daddy, mommy, sissy, daddy, sissy, Eye-yi (that's how he says his name), daddy, mommy, daddy, house, noodles, dino, puppy, piggy, and candy canes. Amen.

~Notice that daddy gets lots of prayers, if he can't think of what to say next he just reverts back to praying for daddy.

~I've been asked to teach a Bible study from a feminist perspective to some students at the university nearby. I'm very excited about this.

~I need a vacation and want to go "home" (meaning my in-laws) for a bit.

~Hopefully soon I'll have some energy for a proper post.

Too much football...

2012-01-16T21:24:00.000-08:00

Lately Eli and Emerson have created a new game that involves full out tackling. It's all good and fun until one of them runs into a wall, or gets tackled into a chair. Which was what happened to night.

Emerson has quite the bump on her head to prove it.

Later, when Marcus was recounting the event to me he said, "Eli got hurt on that play too. His ear was all red."

Me: Umm Marcus it was not a play our children were not engaged in a game of football.

I think there's been a little bit too much football watching going on in our house recently.

Eli's new habit...

2012-01-15T21:13:00.000-08:00

In November my cute 8 month old nephew Charlie came to visit. Charlie likes to stick his tongue out and it's one of the cutest things I've ever seen.

Eli apparently really liked that habit of his cousin because he's adopted it as his own.

Eli now sticks his tongue out all the time. It's not quite as cute on my two year old as it is on my nephew.

Hopefully this will be a short lived phase.

Thinking of new phases Eli and Emerson have entered into the question stage. All day long they both point to every single thing they encounter and ask, "That?" "That?" "That?"

Over and over and over again. I actually think it's kind of cute for now. They want to know about everything and I'm happy to supply them with as many answers as I can.

Plus, "That?" is a much easier question to answer then "Why?" We haven't entered that stage yet.

Adopted Friends...

2012-01-13T23:12:00.000-08:00

Several weeks ago now (probably about a month actually) there was a knock on our door. When Marcus, Eli, and Emerson opened it they found a stuffed puppy and a stuffed pig inside a box with a note that said "911 Emergency" on the inside it read:

"Please adopt us, we are very cold and hungry, we are so sad! Please don't send us away."

How could we say no to that, plus Eli and Emerson were immediately in love and of course they both knew that the pig would be Emerson's and the puppy would belong to Eli and so we welcomed two "new" stuffed friends into our homes.

I say new lightly because these little creatures are well loved (but clean) and Eli and Emerson love them.

I told them to hold up their new friends for the camera. Two year olds are very literal.

Then I told them to put the down a little bit

Then I said, "Not in front of your face" which they listened too but never mind trying to get a picture of them looking at the camera.

It was a fun surprise for Eli and Emmy to find new friends on the porch. I of course new immediately who they were from a wonderful women from my congregation.

2 year old check up today...

2012-01-10T23:22:00.000-08:00

If the title confuses you you're not alone. I've been trying to tell Eli and Emerson's current doctor's office that they had their two year old check up the day after they turned 2 last May. Yet, the insisted that they were due for another.

So off we went for their 2 year 7 month check up. Eli weights 26lbs 12oz & Emmy is 25lbs even.

They got a flu shot. Emerson still dislikes doctors but she didn't cry as much today so we're making progress. Eli isn't bother by them at all. During the shot he whimpered for about a second. Then when the nurse was done in a very tiny, small voice he said, "Tank tu." Then he happily pointed to the band-aid on his leg and said, "That?"

Emmy got a referral to an ENT and we were on our way. Good times.

Minor, petty, vent. I hate that whenever Eli and Emerson are given stickers at the doctors Emerson always gets princess stickers. She has zero idea who any of the princesses are. She's never seen a single movie or anything else for that matter with a princess.

She wasn't pleased that Eli got Elmo and a truck. In the end Emerson ended up with an Elmo sticker too. Stop gendering my kids people. (I say this mostly joking but also not, but that's another post for another time).

She is her father's daughter...

2012-01-09T21:26:00.000-08:00

There's a story about Marcus that lives on and on. I wasn't even in the picture when this happened but I've heard the story several times over the course of our relationship. When Marcus was either an 8th or 9th grader his parents asked him to rake the leaves.

He didn't want to and so he simply refused to do so. His parents then offered the following consequence; "If you don't rake the leaves you can't go to the carnival tonight" (It was a small town, when the carnival was in town it was something to do.) Marcus decided that was fair and decided to forgo the carnival and hanging out with friends, and continued to refuse to rake the leaves. He didn't want to do it, wasn't going to do it, and he decided to just take the consequence. Ultimately, Marcus didn't rake the leaves that day.

I think the reason the story lives on is because generally Marcus is incredibly easy going. He will pretty much do anything, but there are occasions when he absolutely refuses to budge from his position.

Today, Emerson had the same moment. I was quilting and asked her several times not to touch the straight pins. She did anyways and knocked them all over the floor. I asked her to pick them up. She picked up one and then stopped, and finally she just refused to pick up anymore.

So I told her, "Emerson you need to pick up the pins or you're going to sit in the corner." This works wonders with Eli. If we even mention the corner he immediately does whatever we're requesting. Emerson on the other hand walked over to the corner of the room sat down and said, "Mama, I corner."

Like, her dad, she decided she would just deal with the consequences rather then do something she didn't want to do. In the end she won. She sat in the corner and I picked up the pins.

I'm going to need to re-think my strategy when dealing with Emerson.

Sleep, piggy, books...

2012-01-08T21:21:00.000-08:00

how's that for a random title?

This is going to be a boring, random, post just FYI.

1.) I need sleep. I cannot sleep at night, it's not good. I meant to ask the doctor on Wednesday for a sleep aid but I forgot due to Marcus' pain.

2.) I've mentioned before that Emmy's comfort item is a stuffed pig. I adore home much she loves the pig. Lately, everything she does, piggy must also do. "Piggy need sucker, paint piggy's nails, piggy night-night." Tonight before bed we sat down to pray and she attempted to cross piggy's ears, then during the prayer she threw in a quick, "tank tu, piggy."

3.) I just finished reading 11/22/63 by Stephen King, it was amazing. You all should read it immediately. I haven't read many of Stephen King's books. I read It and The Shining about 15 years ago, and then more recently I read his memoir, but nothing since. This book inspired me to seek out some of his other non-horror related books.

Colors & Magic...

2012-01-06T09:22:00.000-08:00

Eli shows off his color skills and some new magic tricks he's perfecting.

To translate when he says 'da' he's saying "Ta-Da!"

2 Hours of Sleep...

2012-01-05T21:20:00.000-08:00

That's what Marcus and I have been operating on today. Marcus has had an intense pain in his left side for the past several days which is impeding his ability to function. He went to the doctor yesterday and the doctor ordered blood tests and an ultrasound but said in the meantime if it got worse go to the ER.

So around 1am it was worse and off Marcus went to the ER. Unfortunately, Eli heard Marcus leave and he came sobbing into my room "daddy, dadddy, daaaaaaaaaaaadddddddddddddddddyyyyyyyyyy." It was very dramatic.

After a bit I got him back in bed, but then I couldn't sleep. I was worried about Marcus and despite all efforts no sleep for me.

I finally fell asleep from 5-6, but at 6 Eli woke up again crying, which then woke up Emerson, and they both found their way to my bed. I was too tired to care at this point and since Marcus still wasn't home I just let them stay. Of course I was awake again.

Marcus was at the hospital for 6 hours before he saw a doctor. Then he saw a doctor for 2 minutes, she prescribed some pain meds and sent him home. He arrived home around 7:30 we both dozed until 8:30 when I had to get up and go to a meeting in another city.

Very good times today. I had a little bit of a second wind earlier but I'm starting to fade again.

Marcus is still in pain and I really hope Eli sleeps through the night.

(In my exhaustion I almost ended this blog post with "Amen" before I caught myself).

Good-night

Funny things Marcus says...

2012-01-03T22:12:00.000-08:00

I'm attempting to an exercise program at home. One of the listed suggestions was to do 7 burpees

Me: What the heck is a burpbee

Marcus: Bend down, put your hands on the floor, push your legs out, bring them in, jump up.

Me: Are you sure? I'm going to google it... Okay you were right.

Marcus: Yeah I know what don't you believe me.

Me: That's right because you got a degree in it right.

Marcus: Yeah I have a degree in burpees. (This was full on sarcasm).

I realize this is probably only funny to me, but the way Marcus looked at me when I said he had a degree in it. Haha... he has a degree in Exercise science I probably should just trust his advice.

ETA: I Just finished the exercise routine. Burpees are hard and I'm in very very very bad shape. It's really quite sad.

What I read in December...

2012-01-03T02:25:00.000-08:00

I had a good reading month mostly because I was determined to make it to my second yearly reading goal of 111 books. I initially wanted to read 150 but it became pretty clear a couple of months ago that wasn't going to happen. Writing a sermon every week really cuts into my reading time. I did however make the 111 goal, I read my 111th book on New Years Eve, just in the nick of time.

1. Home for Christmas by Andrew M. Greeley (this book was horrible never, ever read it)
2. Fierce: A Memoir by Barbar Robinette Moss
3. Make Lemonade by Virginia Euwer Wolff
4. The Procrastinator's Handbook by Rita Emmett
5. If I Am Missing or Dead: A Sister's Story of Love, Murder, and Liberation by Janine Latus
6. The Giver by Lois Lowry (I hadn't read this since 8th grad it was fun to revisit it).
7. By the Time You Read This by Lola Jaye (This book was also really awful)
8. Lucky Man: A Memoir by Michael J. Fox
9. Mrs. Miracle by Debbie Macomber
10. The Journey: Walking the Road to Bethlehem by Adam Hamilton
11. Sold by Patricia McCormick
12. When She Woke by Hilary Jordan
13. Theodore Boone: The Abduction by John Grisham
14. The Magic Room: A Story about the Love We Wish for Our Daughters by Jeffrey Zaslow
15. Sloppy Firsts by Megan McCafferty
16. Lock and Key by Sarah Dessen
17. Flunking Sainthood by Jana Riess
18. Narrative of the Life of Frederick Douglass An American Slave by Frederick Douglass

Total for the Year 2011 ~ 111 books

My goal for 2012 is ~ 112 books.

Today I cleaned for 6 hours...

2012-01-02T20:39:00.000-08:00

and now I'm exhausted and can hardly move. However, I'm grateful that I felt well enough to actually do some intense cleaning for once. The last few nights I've actually been able to sleep for a change and a full nights rest (plus a few more hours) is amazing.

I managed to take down all our Christmas stuff. Now Eli and Emmy keep walking to where our trees were and asking, "Tree Go?"

And as we were packing everything away they kept saying, "bye tree, bye tree."

Emmy was not pleased when I packed all the Christmas books up though and Eli tried to get me to hang the stockings back up. Crazy kids.

Then Eli and Emmy helped me clean the fridge. Emerson's job was taking all out the condiments. A few times she would stop and ask, "What that?" when she grabbed something she didn't recognize (Cream cheese and butter were two such items).

After she was done she said, "Hands cold", and then climbed into the empty fridge (I took out the shelves and drawers for a very thorough cleaning).

The greatest part about our Christmas book countdown is that Eli and Emmy still ask for a book every night, and I love that.

Tonight they picked a few books and one of them had bible verse so we practiced learning their first one a Psalm, "Clap your hands all you people, shout to God with Joy." We had hand motions to go with it of course. I'm going to see if they'll do it on Camera for me it's so cute.

And in other news Eli knows his colors!! Yay!! He's doing so well he can identify all colors (Except brown) and he does so with about 95% accuracy. The funny thing is he likes to joke, so he almost always says the wrong color first and then says the correct one. He's thinks he's hilarious.

Emmy knows white and yellow and then she thinks everything else is blue.

And now I'm going to end this random post which has jumped subjects about 3,000 times.

How we rang in the New Year...

2012-01-01T00:04:00.000-08:00

I finished my sermon, I started and finished my 111th book of 2011 and then I watched Gilmore Girls on DVD. I have a very exciting life.

Marcus on the other hand did this...

He grew a Mr Potato head mustache haha (I told him this was going on the blog when he sent the picture).

Happy 2012 to you all!!

I learned a very important lesson last night...

2011-12-31T15:49:00.000-08:00

just say no to muscle relaxers. Last night at around 1 am I got desperate for some kind of relief. My legs has been aching horribly all day long (this is actually pretty standard for me, but it was worse yesterday for some reason). I tried everything I could to fix them.

Hot bath = no relief
Tylenol = didn't even make a dent in the pain
Wrap my legs tightly in a blanket = I was desperate but nothing.

I was exhausted and in pain and so I stumbled to our medicine cabinet and saw some muscle relaxers. The instructions said, "Take as needed for muscle pain." So I decided this was such an occasion and I took one. A little while later I fell asleep the pain in my legs gone.

Here's the problem, 12 hours later (one in the afternoon), I still wasn't able to function as a human. The medication was still taking effect and I could not shake the drug induced haze that surrounded me.

I kept trying to move, get myself out of bed, after all I have a sermon to write, a newsletter article to finish, a book to read. Not to mention I just needed to get out of bed. (Thank goodness Marcus has the day off).

Here I am it's 3:46 pm. I don't have any pain but I'm pretty sure I could nod off to sleep any second.

Just say no to drugs, that's the lesson I've learned. Muscle relaxers are not for me.

Must.stay.awake.must.write.sermon...

Anyone have a similar experience? Is this normal to feel like a zombie 16 hours later? I don't hurt, but I can barely stay awake.

Library Love...

2011-12-29T23:46:00.000-08:00

Last week, I decided after living in Mayberry for almost 6 months it was time to check out the library. I'm a huge book lover but I have had my reasons for avoiding it. (Mostly because a member of my congregation works there and for some reason that bothered me).

However, I decided to get over that weird little quirk of mine and so off Eli, Emerson and I went. The library is tiny, which I already knew, and the selection was minimal. Plus, there were books on the shelf that in my opinion should always be checked out. (Also a few of the books I checked out had never been read despite being the shelf for several years, poor lonely library books). Although considering 70% of the community I live in is Spanish speaking and there's only a few shelves with Spanish books explains some of this.

Emmy loved the library. She picked a few books of the shelf. Grabbed a chair and immediately set about reading them.

It was one of the most adorable things I've ever seen and had it just been her and I that day it would have been a very pleasant library expedition. (I apologize for the picture it's from my cell phone).

Eli also had a great time. He found a stool with wheels on it...

He might have rolled himself all over the library. Maybe... I can't say for sure.

Anyways, Emerson was very excited at the prospect of choosing a few books to take home with us and when you let a 2 year old pick out their own library books this is what you get:
1. Maisy's Halloween by Lucy Cousins
2. El Comercio por Patria E. Gutman
3. Quique Duerme Fuera de Casa por Bernard Waber

A halloween book and two books in Spanish. I found her selections hilarious. Although I really don't mind reading to them in Spanish. Eli also grabbed a few books of the shelves, they were from the adult fiction section and he was just being naughty (this has been an issue lately) to avoid trying to figure out where they came from I just checked them out.

And, because I live in Mayberry as soon as I arrived home from the library, the librarian (the member of my congregation called me about something pertaining to the library). Oh small town living... it's weird, and there's no such thing as being anonymous.

Review: The Magic Room by Jeffrey Zaslow

2011-12-29T10:32:00.000-08:00

Jeffrey Zaslow's newest book The Magic Room: A Story About the Love We Wish For our Daughters chronicles the journeys of eight brides who all purchase their wedding dress from Becker's Bridal in Fowler, Michigan. The book also chronicles the history of Becker's Bridal and the four generations of Becker women who have made that store their livelihood.

I'll be honest when I heard the premise of this book I could not figure out how he wrote a book about a Bridal shop. Where's the story? I imagined scenes similar to those we might see on television in the advent of popular wedding shows like Say Yes to the Dress.

I was pleasantly surprised that Zaslow offered commentary on marriage, history of Becker's bridal and some commentary on how the wedding business has shifted throughout the years, and finally the part I enjoyed the most was the chronicling of eight brides as they searched for their wedding dress.

Zaslow, chronicled not only their shopping quest but also background into the lives of each of the women. Who they were, who their families were, and what factors led them to the Magic Room of Becker's bridal. (The Magic Room is where the bride sees herself in her wedding dress surrounded by mirrors and under perfect lighting).

Each of the stories offered about the women were unique some full of loss, pain, heartbreak, others full of faith and love. Each culminating in the marriage and the beginnings of a new life.

Overall this was a really enjoyable read and I would recommend it. I appreciated the idea that in the midst of the wedding dress shopping, brides and their friends and family are doing so much more. They're preparing for a new life, a new future, and the histories of many generations of people are coming together.

However, my biggest critique is that the women Zaslow writes about are not a very diverse group of women. Yes, they're all different ages, some are entering into second marriages, but they are all part of the dominate, white, heteronormative culture. Perhaps this limitation comes from the location of the bridal shop in Michigan but I would have liked to see a broader diversity of brides.

To read more about Jeffrey Zaslow and to join in on some conversations visit the blogher book club Magic Room Discussion.

Note: This is a paid review by blogher book club. However, the opinions expressed are all mine.

The Final Christmas Post...

2011-12-28T21:38:00.000-08:00

Surely Christmas deserves three posts right? Well even if it doesn't that's what it got.

Christmas morning this year was different because Christmas fell on a Sunday and I had to lead worship. My immediate thoughts weren't really on Christmas but instead work.

Eli and Emerson went to bed so late on Christmas eve they didn't wake up until after 9 (much to Marcus' disappointment he was very excited about Santa).

Eli came out first and didn't know what to make of the scene in our living room. He held back and just stared at the toys.

Emerson emerged a few minutes later and slowly made her way up to the new toys, which then allowed Eli to go to. The trikes were the immediate favorite, especially for Eli he spent all day sitting on his trike.

They also both found a sucker in their stockings from Santa and were really excited to be allowed candy in the morning. Emmy kept saying, "Thank you Santa Sucker" I'm pretty sure the sucker and the trike would have been sufficient for both of them.

After discovering the suckers in their stockings. It was christmas so they were allowed to eat them in the morning (yuck).

They got some new hats from their sunday school teacher. Emmy wore her new piggy hat for most of the morning.

Eli is an aspiring photographer. He's obsessed with our camera and was even more taken with it when he discovered our tri-pod. On Christmas Eve he had the camera and kept taking pictures and saying, "Happy Birthday"

Christmas made me tired.

New Sleeping bags from Gram and Grandad

Christmas dinner. After a bath we sat them on the counter and essentially spoon fed them real food. After a day of candy and cookies they needed to be forced to eat something of substance.

Eli wasn't really into unwrapping presents. He mostly wanted to eat candy and sit on his new bike. Emmy understood the idea of opening presents but she went very slowly. We were still unwrapping around 2pm.

Then we had Eli and Emmy lay down and watch a movie in hopes they would nap (they didn't). I did though :~).

It was a very nice Christmas. I'm so glad my in-laws could join us.

More Christmas Eve...

2011-12-27T16:17:00.000-08:00

I love traditions and I've been so grateful that Marcus and I have been able to create family traditions of our own while also maintaining some of the traditions from when we were growing up. One of the traditions from my childhood is that we have snacks and appetizers on Christmas eve. My mom figured out pretty early that with six kids making a full meal on Christmas eve was not worth her effort, since we were all too wound up to eat. Eli was particularly fond of the chocolate in the cookies.

He helped himself to several cookies...

At the chocolate out of it and then moved onto another cookie.

Our Christmas Eve feast haha.

In Marcus' family their family tradition was to get matching Pajamas on Christmas eve, and so that lives on as well. My mother in law was encouraging Emmy to jump off the couch it makes for some great action pictures.

She loves jumping

And Eli wanted to play too.

Our family in matching pajamas.

We had a Merry Christmas...

2011-12-26T21:14:00.000-08:00

We had a really good Christmas.

My first Christmas Eve service as a pastor went really well and we had a nice amount of people.

Marcus' parents drove down to celebrate with us, which is always exciting for Eli and Emmy.

Emmy loved her Christmas dress and requested to put it on several hours before church.

Eli had way to much chocolate on Christmas Eve and Christmas Day. The boy has a sweet tooth.

Emmy really didn't want Santa to come to her house, so we tried not to talk about it too much the night before. I didn't want her to be scared. She also insisted on a necklace because I had a necklace on for church.

I'll post more tomorrow.

I'm so tired and my house looks like a tornado hit it, but it was a nice Christmas.

We are blessed.

Today made me tired...

2011-12-21T21:05:00.000-08:00

I'm honestly too exhausted to go into details about today but we had some less than stellar moments.

The day started with me having my 6 am prayer service, crawling back into bed, Marcus leaving early for a training, and both Eli and Emerson crawling into bed with me.

I fell back asleep, Eli & Emmy did not. Very bad parenting move on my part. I woke up to discover that they had an entire box of chocolate for breakfast.

Then, later in the afternoon I was separating the laundry and they were playing quietly (or so I thought). Emerson brought me her pig, covered in maple syrup and said, "wash mama, bubba did it."

Curious to see what he did, I found him with a bottle of maple syrup. He poured it everywhere. Inside their car, inside his toy stroller, all over our sidewalk, all over himself. He was having a great time.

I got the hose out to try and clean everything up, and Eli and Emerson decided this would be a good moment to play in the water (our hose doesn't fit quite right and a lot of water shoots of at the spout).

The only saving grace is that he took the maple syrup outside and not in the house.

Christmas and infertility...

2011-12-20T22:57:00.000-08:00

Marcus and I are among the success after infertility crowd, but I haven't forgotten the deep pain of infertility, especially around the holidays.

In fact Christmas is something that I will always associate with our infertility, because we were home for Christmas when we received the phone call with our diagnosis. The news that having a biological child was not an option, the news that having a child would require medical intervention.

We've made great strides since then, we've become parents x 2, but I haven't forgotten.

I continue to be surprised by those around me who also experience infertility. Particularly, when the pain and the language surrounding the loss of infertility is so similar to my own. I've been reading a book by Miro.slav V.olf (I don't want him to google his name and find my blog haha), called F.ree of C.harge. He's incredibly well known in the field and was my theology professor in graduate school.

We have absolutely nothing in common. He's a 55 year old man from Croatia. He's brilliant, a giant in the field, author of countless books. Our paths crossed briefly in the Fall of 2008 when he was my systematic theology professor, but I'm sure he wouldn't even remember my presence in that class.

Yet, as I was reading his book I discovered that he and his wife suffered through infertility, 9 years they tried to have a child, 100 months of trying. And in his book he expressed, in words almost identical to my own, what it's like at Christmas and in Advent to experience infertility, he writes;

"The season of Advent was the worst. "For unto us a child is born, unto us a son is given," I would hear, read, or [sing] in hundreds of different versions. But for me a child was withheld. The miracle of Mary's conception, the rejoicing of the heavens at her newborn child, the exultation of Elizabeth, all became signs of God's painful absence, not God's advent,... at Christmas, I felt like a child in a large family, the only one to whom parents had forgotten to give gifts. Others' joy increased my sadness. "And his name shall be called, 'wonderful, a mighty God..." No, not wonderful; at best puzzling. No, not a mighty God; at best, a sympathetic but disappointing divine observer. (page 31).

These words, these emotions, are the things I felt, are things I expressed, it's the pain I bore. It's the pain that so many are still bearing as they mourn the absence of a desperately desired child. I am remembering them right now as we approach Christmas. The pain of what seems to be God's absence, in the midst of celebrating miracles of conception.

I imagine that there are some who wonder if I'll ever "get over" the infertility. After all we have children, the end goal of all of this, and in some ways I have. In the book V.olf refers to infertility like a poison, and after he and his wife adopted their two sons he wrote, "Since [infertility] gave me what I now can't imagine living without, [that] poison was transmuted into a gift, God's strange gift. The pain of it remains, of course. But the poison is gone" (32).

That's exactly how I feel. The poison of infertility is gone, and infertility is a poison; it brings out some ugly, crazy, painful emotions, thoughts, and feelings, which once consumed me and made baby showers, birth announcements, pictures, pregnancies etc., a painful and ugly reminder of what we couldn't have. That poison is gone, and I'm so grateful for that, but the pain is something that will always remain.

And so with just a few days before Christmas I remember and offer a prayer of hope and strength for those still in the midst of both the poison and the pain.

Things my kids say...

2011-12-19T23:37:00.000-08:00

I realize that these posts are probably only really interesting to me and Marcus and maybe my MIL who reads this blog, but as their language skills progress, I continue to be amazed and amused by them.

So if you don't want to read the things my two year olds say no worries but I want to remember.

~As I've mentioned before Eli is still in love with his bottle and he asks for one all day long. If he hurts himself, and cries, he has figured out this is a good opportunity to garner some sympathy and request a bottle (this almost always works with his dad). I however will not give him a bottle during the day I'm the mean mom.

Lately I've been telling Eli that bottles are for little babies and he's a big boy. So today Eli says, "bottle?"

And I told him he was a big boy. His response was, "no bottle baby" over and over he kept insisting that he was in fact a baby I should just give him a bottle.

~ Around 5:30pm we were all getting antsy so I decided we would go for a walk with the wagon and see some of the christmas lights. We made a brief pit-stop at the store so I could get a soda (I needed some caffeine it's my only vice :~).

Eli did not want to get out of the wagon, but I finally coaxed him inside. The entire time we were in store Emmy kept reassuring Eli saying, "One minute bubba, one minute bubba"

Because I had told them it would only take one minute. When we got back to the wagon Emmy said, "See bubba all better."

Haha, she can be so sweet.

~I also continue to get a big kick about her re-telling of their visit to santa. Tonight on our walk we saw a santa decoration. Emmy pointed out santa and said, "Santa, I crying, candy, markers, book"

Her way of explaining that she cried when she saw santa, but he gave her some candy, crayons, and a coloring book. She's pretty matter-of-fact about the whole thing. I think the surprises from santa helped make up for the trauma of crying.

~ Finally, Eli's newest thing is to flip whatever we say to him back to us. For example if we say:

"Eli do you need a new diaper?" He'll respond, "No you need diaper."

"Eli you need to clean up." "No you clean up"

"Eli eat your dinner" "You eat dinner"

"Eli be nice" "You be nice"

He says these things with a big smile on his face as though he's making the funniest joke ever, and pointing back at us. Emphasis on the you. He's not being naughty or talking back, he's truly just joking around, (the best I can tell from his mannerisms).

Today was busy...

2011-12-18T21:50:00.000-08:00

and I'm incredibly tired.

~Church

~Preparation for my open house

~Open house at the parsonage

~Caroling
While caroling we stopped at the house of an older man that I've never met. He saw me at the funeral I officiated last week, and so tonight he says to me, "I saw you at the service I thought you were just a child, no older than a junior in high school, but you sure are cute as hell."

Normally, these "being too young" comments bother me but from this guy it was just hilarious.

I also discovered that in the tiny little town of "Mayberry" there's a whole section I haven't explored. Very educational to carol around the small town.

~Soup and fellowship following caroling at the parsonage.

I didn't get my Sunday afternoon nap. Now onto this week. Christmas eve service and a Christmas day service to plan before my in-laws arrive.

Plus I haven't made any Christmas cookies yet and really feel like I should...

How is it already a week until Christmas?

They're not Santa Fans...

2011-12-17T18:29:00.000-08:00

I felt like a bad mom for the few seconds that it took to take the picture, but I just had to do it.

This was our third trip to visit Santa. I was hoping that with a few visits they would get comfortable and I wouldn't have to deal with crying kids. (I really, really don't want them to ever feel uncomfortable or scared for a photo opt. It's never my first option).

Our second trip went really well. Eli brought his stuffed puppy to meet Santa and asked for candy. He must have forgotten because today it was just tears for both of them.

However, as soon as it was over they both thanked Santa for their candy and happily wandered off with their candy cane, so it must not have been too traumatizing. All day today Emerson has been saying, "Santa, candy, I crying," she's pretty matter-of-fact about the whole experience.

P.S. Isn't Santa's face hilarious? We had three options to chose from but when I saw Santa's face in this one I couldn't resist.

They also really like Santa from a distance, they mostly just don't want to sit with him.

P.S.S. In another episode of weird things people say. We were at the grocery store and a women asked if they were twins. (That's not weird, it's pretty standard). Then she says, "Oh look how cute, your daughter is blinking."

Umm... why yes she is.

St Lucia Day...

2011-12-13T18:15:00.000-08:00

Today, we haphazardly celebrated St Lucia day. I was so proud because I was way more on top of it this year than last and I was planning on finishing everything I needed to do for it yesterday.

Then I couldn't move at all yesterday so there went those plans. Instead I had to drive Marcus to work at 7 and then I did errands with Eli and Emmy for 3 hours this morning. That was a nightmare.

Then I quickly created Emerson her wreath crown, Eli his star-boy outfit, we whipped up some Cinnamon rolls (because once again I wasn't on the ball enough to make something authentic).

Before I was out of commission, I was planning on delivering treats to the people in my congregation. That didn't happen. We only made it to one house before we called it a day. Plus neither Eli or Emmy would wear their head pieces. Oh well, there's always next year.

Going to the house of my parishioner to deliver some treats.

Inside, playing.

Trying to get a picture.

Our star boy, he looks very enthusiastic. This is the only picture I could get with his hat on.

Trying to get a picture of both of them.

Our little St. Lucia the only picture with her wreath on.

Then they had a great time playing at the church.

And had to be carried home by their dad, because they found all the piles of leaves and didn't want to come inside.

Here's the paper I printed up to give to those we visited. Most of the information came out of a children's book I have called Lucia Saint of Light by Katherine Bolger Hyde. It's a very simple explanation so that people would have a basic understanding of what we were doing.

In Sweden on December 13^th is the Feast of St. Lucia. The Swedish people love St. Lucia because she saved Sweden from famine in the middle ages. On the darkest day of the most terrible winter, they saw a boat sailing towards them. In the front of the boat stood a beautiful maiden, dressed in white and glowing. When the boat reached land St. Lucia handed out sacks of wheat for all the people to eat.

Lucia also means light. In Sweden, the winter nights are very long, with only a few hours of daylight. So St. Lucia is associated with the return of light.

Today, the oldest girl in the family dresses in a white gown with a red sash. She wears a wreath of candles, which helps light the way and keep her hands free to carry food. On December 13^th the oldest girl sings and delivers food to family and friends. The other females in the family dress as attendants also in white but without the crown wreath of candles.

The boys in the family dress in white, with a white pointy hat and are known as Stjärngossar (Star boys) and accompany St. Lucia as she delivers her food. The traditional food on St Lucia day is a Lussekatter Bun, (I was afraid to try and make them for other people) so instead we bring you a Cinnamon Roll in celebration of this day as we celebrate and remember our Scandinavian Heritage.

Not a good health day for me...

2011-12-12T20:54:00.001-08:00

Last night I was in immense pain. I couldn't move without every joint in my body screaming in agony. Today wasn't any better, in fact, it was worse.

I'm not sure if I'm sick or if this is a Crohn's flair up. Crohn's can cause joint pain and I without a doubt have joint pain. It hurts to exist in my body at the moment.

Thank goodness Marcus had today off because I was useless. Mostly, I laid around, tried to stay warm, and tried to avoid moving.

When I was resting in the bed Emerson brought me 5 blankets to cover me up. Funny girl.

It's hard to take pictures with 2 year old twins...

2011-12-11T23:01:00.000-08:00

but on thanksgiving day, it was my husband who was causing the problems.

Well this one it was Marcus and Eli...

And Marcus again...

And again (isn't his frowning ability impressive?)

And again...

Finally, we settled with this one and moved on with life.

I was wondering why my sister kept having to take picture after picture. It was Marcus' fault. And my curtains are very green in these pictures aren't they?

You should see the pictures my mother-in-law tried to take many years ago with Marcus and his two brothers. It was like this but with three adult males acting like children and I thought toddlers were bad.... and well toddlers are awful too.

Tomorrow I'll show you the toddler edition. Eli, Emerson, and their cousin Hannah.

It's washing day...

2011-12-09T13:00:00.001-08:00

For Eli's blanket and Emerson's piggy.

Cue, epic meltdown times two. With cries of "Piggy, piiiggggyyyyy" & "blankie, blankie"

Poor kids, I hope they wash and dry quickly.

Do your kids freak out when it's time to wash their security item?

Ministry...

2011-12-08T20:11:00.000-08:00

Today, I met the newest little member of my congregation at just a few hours old. Mama and baby doing amazing. He was so tiny and perfect. It's funny how quickly you forget how small a newborn is (and how small mine must have been considering this little guy was almost 8lbs compared to their 3lbs).

Then on Saturday I'll officiate my second funeral and we'll say good-bye to another member of the congregation. The cycle of life and death.

I feel blessed and humbled t to pay witness, offer blessings, and prayers in both events.

Both life changing...

The celebration of a new life just beginning, and the celebration and remembering of 89 years well lived.

Nativity Scenes...

2011-12-04T20:24:00.000-08:00

I love Nativity Scenes. Especially, because there are so many that are so unique. In another life (A life where I had unlimited resources) I would have made a point to collect a scene from each country I've been too. However, since all of my international traveling thus far has been on a student's budget that didn't happen.

Here are the three I currently have in my possession.

This is the scene I've had the longest. It's an expensive set from Wal-mart I think. We got it the first year we were married and it's been a part of our Decembers for the last 9 years.

This is the Willow Tree Nativity Scene that my mother-in-law bought me several years ago.

I love it and that camel is the one that Emerson couldn't stop kissing.

This one is probably my favorite. I had it made by a local artist in 2005 while I was in Zimbabwe. It's made out of the stone that's so prevalent in the country (my brain isn't working right now so I can't remember what it's called, anyone know?) and was hand carved just for me. The price was astounding to me too, only $20 for a hand carved set. I think it's so unique and I love it.

"Bubba did it"...

2011-12-04T18:28:00.000-08:00

This is Emerson's new favorite thing to say. Poor Eli he's speaking skills aren't quite as advanced as his sisters at this point and he gets blamed for everything. I just had this conversation with Emerson as she brought me a broken ornament off the tree.

Emmy: Here mama, tree.

Me: Uh oh Emmy, it's broken we're not suppose to touch the tree.

Emmy: Oh gosh... (this is also new it cracks me up).

Me: Emmy did you break it?

Emmy: No bubba did it.

haha I have no idea who actually broke the ornament but anytime I find a mess, a tipped over table, something moved that they know not to touch, lately it's been, "bubba did it."

Poor Eli he better learn to defend himself soon.

Oh Christmas tree...

2011-12-02T17:00:00.000-08:00

Before I really start my post, Marcus has been dissecting the song O Christmas Tree. The line "Thy leaves are so unchanging" really bothers him. He argues that pine trees don't have leaves they have pine needles to that line in the song is not only unnecessary it's also wrong. Plus, he thinks the whole song is dumb... In my opinion it's way better than the 1984 song called, "Do they know it's Christmastime" which has brilliant lines like, "and there won't be snow in Africa this Christmas" the whole song is so incredibly dumb. P.S. I live in CA and there won't be any snow here this Christmas either.

Okay, now onto the real point, but I think I could do an entire post of bad Christmas songs. We went shopping for our Christmas tree finally. Eli and Emmy ran around the Christmas tree yard say, "this one, this one, this one" and pointing to a million different trees. We eventually picked on and brought it home.

Eli helped Marcus cut the tree, bring it inside, and then water it.

In fact they both had a great time watering it. They didn't want to stop.

Then it was time to decorate. When we first turned on the lights for some reason Emmy kept trying to blow them out like a candle it was adorable.

Then on with the ornaments. First they both just sort of tossed them in the tree. Then we showed them how to hang them on the branches so they were all really low and in one spot.

Emmy putting on another ornament.

Sometimes at home she likes to dress herself and I let her. She seems to think the bottoms that come with dresses make suitable pants. Whatever works for the girl I suppose.

Christmas Countdown with Books...

2011-12-01T22:34:00.000-08:00

Last year, somewhere on the internet I saw the idea of wrapping 24 children's books and unwrapping and reading one each night to countdown to Christmas. (This year that idea is all over pinterest as well).

At that point in time I had exactly 3 children's Christmas books to my name and didn't have the money to go buy 22 more, but I did hold onto the idea for this year and put it in to action. I had 14 books that I owned and my MIL bought a few, and also let us borrow some from her collection to fill out the days. The rest was easy...

All the books ready to be wrapped. I probably spent way more time than necessary planning the order in which they would open the books. But there were a few days that I had specific books in mind. For example on December 13th we celebrate St. Lucia's day and so we're reading a book about her and the celebration on the 12th night in preparation.

Then I wrapped them all up and put a number tag on them. I follow a blog called Clean Mama. She's doing the same thing with her kids and created these adorable tags that you can download and print for free. If you haven't ever looked at her blog or her etsy site you should. It's adorable. I've ordered a couple of things from etsy, including a custom made worship planning sheet to use when planning my sunday services. Seriously, her blog and site are amazing I love it. Go check it out immediately. (She also often has freebies like these cute tags).

All the books go under the small tree in our family room. Eli and Emerson got to open the first one tonight. They are finally starting to grasp the concept of unwrapping.

And they did a good job sharing the job. Although when Emmy finished unwrapping this one she immediately headed to the tree and said, "I another one." Once I told her we were going to read the new book she was fine. We all climbed onto our couch in front of the Christmas tree and read the book.

Then we took the tag, punched a hole in it and hung it on our countdown tree. By Christmas the whole tree will be filled with count down numbers (Sorry for the bad picture the lighting and shadow were not being my friend).

I'm so in love with this new tradition and I hope we can continue it forever haha (I asked Marcus if I could have an adult version with 24 novels for me he didn't think that was a very good idea).

And in case anyone is interested here's our list of books and the days we'll read them. We'll read the book on the 25th first thing in the morning before church.

1. The Spirit of Christmas by Nancy Tillman

2. The Christmas Story with Holly Babes
3. Rudolph the Red-Nosed Reindeer Adapted by Rick Bunsen
4. A Night in Santa's Great Big Bag by Kristin Kladstrup and Time Jessell
5. Snowmen at Christmas by Caralyn Buehner
6. Fletcher and the Snowflake Christmas by Julia Rawlinson
7. The Last Straw by Fredrick H. Thury
8. The Story of Christmas by Patricia A. Pingry
9. Elf A Short Story of a Tall Tale As Told by David Berenbaum by Buddy Hobbs
10. The Little Christmas Tree Illustrated by Susanna Ronchi
11. Ten Christmas Lights Illustrated by Jo Parry
12. Lucia Saint of Light by Katherine Bolger Hyde
13. Mortimer's Christmas Manger by Jane Chapman and Karma Wilsom
14. Biscuit's Christmas Eve by Alyssa Satin Capucilli
15. Santa's Toy Shop By Al Dempster
16. My Christmas Stocking Filled with God's Love
17. The Christmas Story
18. Zeek the Christmas Tree Mouse by Richard H. Schneider
19. What's Coming for Christmas by Kate Banks
20. The Mitten by Jan Brett
21. If You Take a Mouse to the Movies by Laura Numeroff
22. Bear Stays Up For Christmas by Karma Wilson and Jane Chapman
23. The Animals' Christmas Eve by Gale Wiersum
24. The Night Before Christmas by Clement C. Moore
25. Today is Christmas by P.K. Hallinan

CLEAN MAMA: Holiday Gift and Advent Labels - Freebie

What I read in November...

2011-11-30T23:16:00.000-08:00

1. Girl Meets God: On the Path to a Spiritual Life by Lauren F. Winner ****
2. Crossed by Ally Condie ***
3. Heaven is For Real by Todd Burpo*
4. The Litigators by John Grisham ***
5. What I Know Now: Letters to My Younger Self by Ellyn Spragins***
6. The Red Tent by Anita Diamant*****
7. Mitten Strings for God: Reflections for Mothers in a Hurry by Katrina Kenison*****
8. Escape by Carolyn Jessop****
9. Perfection: A Memoir of Betrayal and Renewal by Julie Metz*
10. Believe It, Be It: How Being the Biggest Loser Won Me Back my Life***

I'm pretty satisfied with 10 books this month. I'm still hoping to break over 100 before the end of the year but we'll see how it goes. Advent is a pretty busy time in my business :~)

Total books read in 2011: 92

P.S. the * mean how many stars I rated the book. You'll notice a couple of one stars. That's always a bummer when a book just isn't good.

One-on-one...

2011-11-29T21:20:00.000-08:00

Today I had some precious one-on-one time with both my kids. Eli took a very long nap this afternoon so it was just me and Emerson for several hours. She chatted, helped me wrap some presents, found every snowman in our Christmas box, and then asked me to take their pictures.

She held them up and said, "cheese" then politely said, "thank you mama"

And another set of snowmen. (At some point she decided she no longer wanted to wear her pants this afternoon).

Then tonight I put both kids to bed at their regular time. Emerson fell asleep instantly, Eli however because of his nap did not. After he was in their for about an hour it became apparent that he wasn't yet tired and I didn't want him to wake his sister. So I had him come out and sit with me.

Of my two kids Emerson is louder, more vocal, more demanding, and requires way more attention. So I especially cherish my time with Eli. Tonight sitting on my lap in his quiet soft spoken voice he asked me about Charlie, Hannah, and Grammy. (Charlie and Hannah are cousins). He then said "home?"

He doesn't often initiate conversations he mostly just parrots everything we say, so I adored that he was communicating with me.

Then he went and got these small santa and snowman figures that light up and plug into my computer. As they changed from color to color, we practiced saying each of them.

Of course then his daddy came home and Eli pretty much went crazy with excitement.

I hope that I have more opportunities each day to spend time with my kids one-on-one. I love having time with each of them, they're so different and I love the opportunity to cherish and honor the things that make each of them, so beautifully and uniquely them.

We briefly lost Eli tonight & other musings...

2011-11-28T22:53:00.000-08:00

~Turns out he fell asleep randomly on our living room floor about 20 minutes before his bedtime. We quickly changed his diaper and put him into his pajamas so we could put him in bed.

While we were doing this Emerson was watching with some interest and finally she shouted, "Wake-up!"

Haha crazy girl she never likes to let her brother sleep. I then decided she and I should go clean the play room as a distraction. Luckily, she thinks picking up the play room is great fun.

~We also put up a couple of our nativity sets today. I was explaining each piece to Eli and Emerson, reminding them to just look with their eyes. Emerson was so cute.

She stood on a chair and just stared at the pieces. She was especially transfixed by the animals. Each time I came to check on her she was giving the camel a kiss. She also decided that baby Jesus is actually her baby cousin Charlie who just visited for thanksgiving.

Then when Marcus came home from work she took his hand and said, "come here" and she showed him each of the nativities set up.

~I'm excited for our Christmas tree. I told them that very soon we were going to put a tree up in our house. I always forget that two year olds don't grasp the concept of soon, in a minute, tomorrow etc. Eli grabbed his shoes and headed for the door. He was showing me that there were plenty of trees to pick from right outside the window.

~Christmas is truly magical through the eyes of a child, and I can't wait for all of the festivities and traditions we do as a family. We saw Santa (From a distance) at the mall on friday and while they have no desire to get close to him they now recognize his picture and know that he says, "ho, ho, ho"

I'm hoping I can convince them that a quick picture with Santa won't be so bad.

~ I read two books today. I love when my kids play well enough that I can read. I also really love that after Marcus came home and I was sitting on the couch with my blanket, space heater, and a book reading. Emerson grabbed her own blanket and book and we read together. I so hope she always loves books and I really hope Eli will grow in his love of books as well (If only I could get Marcus to read more since Eli is his little shadow.

~We had pictures taken for our christmas cards last week. I'll post more of them tomorrow but just want to share one tonight.

I love this picture. It's so authentically them. Running and laughing together.

~ Eli just woke up. I wish he'd sleep through the night. Off I go...

This was a random all over the place post. Goodnight.

Still hosting family...

2011-11-26T23:40:00.000-08:00

I hosted my family this year for thanksgiving. 4 of my 5 siblings came and so did my mom and they all stayed at our house.

At one point we had 10 adults and 5 kids two and under in various locations around our home. Every room was occupied and so I haven't had a chance to sit down and write, or upload pictures.

Everything went pretty well. My niece fell on thanksgiving and it required a quick trip to the ER but she's a tough girl and no worse for the wear and thankfully her nose wasn't swollen, but oh my goodness did it swell and bruise instantly. It looked so awful.

I set the table, did a thanksgiving liturgy, even baked a few things (which I never do). Although as I was doing some of the prep on Wednesday night I might have said, "who in the heck thinks this cooking stuff is fun?" Marcus just laughed at me. I really do wish I could enjoy cooking, but I just really really don't.

Overall, we had a very nice thanksgiving. I'll write the real post with pictures once all of family is gone tomorrow.

Now we move onto advent which starts tomorrow I can't wait one of my favorite seasons of the year!

My Children fascinate me...

2011-11-22T12:07:00.000-08:00

I adore watching Eli and Emerson play and communicate with each other. For the most part they get along amazingly. Yes, there are moments when they're both arguing over the same toy, or when Eli decides it's funny to take his sister's pig and watch as she tries to get it back.

But overall they are great companions and playmates to one another. As I type I'm watching the two of them right outside the door. They're playing their own version of catch with a tennis ball. Which involves throwing the ball and the other one chasing it, not matter where it lands.

Emerson threw the ball behind her and Eli simply ran the distance to retrieve and then went back to his starting place. While watching they're also very clearly having a conversation. Some of it I can understand, like "catch, bubba, get it, be back, here" others are in a language all of their own, but they seem to understand one another perfectly.

Chatting, playing, laughing.

That's what I'm thankful for today.

And then there are these moments...

2011-11-20T20:49:00.000-08:00

Moments of pure joy and laughter.

And for all those many moments in a house with two 2 year olds I am thankful.

The continued sting of infertility and prematurity...

2011-11-19T22:06:00.000-08:00

I know I shouldn't let things bother me, but that knowledge does very little to actually help. Today I went to a baby shower for a women in my congregation who's due in the next few weeks.

It was a very nice shower and overall I had a really good time. There were just a few things that have been weighing on me since them.

1.) There was another two year old girl there. She's exactly 1 month older than Eli and Emerson. However, this girl can talk. In complete full sentences, she can have actual conversations, she can sing entire songs. Her language skills were just insane.

Which of course got me worrying about Eli and Emerson again. I know they're still behind in language. They're making progress, especially Emerson, but for the most part they still very much just parrot whatever we say. So if we ask them a question they just repeat the last word of it. "What color is this" answer: "this". "Do you want to take a bath?" Answer: "Bath"

They do have a few phrases that are independent of parroting, but they can't hold clear conversations, they don't know any songs, they can't "really" answer any questions with clear fully constructed sentences.

I don't know at this point if they're still affected by their prematurity. I was always told the expectation was for them to be caught up by two, but they are so not.

This little girl is also fully potty trained (but I don't really care so much about that).

I think what bothered me more is that once the mom realized that our kids were essentially the exact same age the difference between mine and hers was so clear. Mine were still very much babies compared to this other little girl, the difference was really astounding to me. Plus the mom kept saying "M--- you're just so smart" and then encouraged her to keep showing off all of the songs and things that she could do.

I hate that Eli and Emmy are still behind. I'm thinking of re-calling early intervention and seeing if they'll re-evaluate them. I wasn't satisfied with the last evaluation and would just like them to check in and see where we're at.

2.) Of course when you're at baby showers everybody likes to talk about their own pregnancies and births. Someone asked me how much weight I gained with the twins and I said 32lbs. They were shocked that it seemed like so little and then one women said, "Maybe your not eating enough is what caused them to come early."

As the mom of preemies I already question pretty much every second of my pregnancy wondering if I could have done something different. Having some essentially place blame on my shoulders for their prematurity never feels good.

3.) The fertility of others is still sometimes hard for me to handle. My best friend from high school just delivered her second baby on monday. We went through our first pregnancy together. Three new babies are expected in my congregation in the next several months (and that's really wonderful and exciting), but sometimes it still stings a little.

The weird part is I do not want another child right now at all. But I think the hard part is not knowing if we'll ever truly be in a position where it's even possible. The costs of the IF doctor and the necessary procedures to even get pregnant are so expensive, and none of it is covered by insurance.

Plus I absolutely do not want to repeat a multiples pregnancy. My first one did not go well at all and I have so much fear that by body will not handle another one either and I'll have even earlier preemies and more NICU time and all that goes with it.

While the pain of infertility has without a doubt diminished (I don't cry when others give birth any more yay for progress), it's still there. Some twinges of sadness, resentment, disappointment, that for us family building will never be simple or easy.

2.5 year olds are funny...

2011-11-17T22:08:00.000-08:00

Eli and Emerson continue to crack me up especially as their language skills improve.

Whenever Marcus calls from work both Eli and Emerson have to talk. Not only do they have to talk but they have to talk with the phone on both ears.

After they each had talked Emmy said, "pig talk" so I put the phone up to piggy's ear and Marcus had the following conversation with Emmy's stuffed pig. "Hi piggy, oink, oink, oink, oink"

Emerson could hear him and she starting smiling and then said to me, "Daddy crazy." haha it was hysterical and so perfectly described the situation. Apparently her dad oinking at her stuffed pig is crazy.

*****
Their new favorite phrase is "I be back" they say it all the time and are pretty sure that as long as they let us know that they're going to come back they can go and do whatever they want.

At target yesterday, Eli turned to us and said, "I be back" and then took off walking, full of confidence and purpose in the other direction. He wasn't very pleased with us when we didn't take his word that he would in fact be back.

*****
On Sunday I was looking for our check book and couldn't find it. I was talking out loud like I do and I was saying, "Where's our checkbook? Have you seen our checkbook Emmy? Where's our checkbook Marcus?"

Then I think Emerson must have thought I was stupid because she wandered over to my massive book shelf, grabbed a book of the shelf and handed it to me. "here book mama."

Funny kids of mine.

I do not look like a child...

2011-11-17T19:59:00.000-08:00

I'm going to vent (again) about the comments people make to me about how old I look.

Yesterday, I was told repeatedly by several women in the community that I look like a child. Over and over and over again. "You really do look like a child, how could you be the pastor you look like a child. My husband said look there's the pastor and I couldn't believe it you look like a child."

I DO NOT LOOK LIKE A CHILD.

I might look younger than I am (maybe I don't really see it to be honest) but I DO NOT LOOK LIKE A CHILD.

And guess what people it's actually not a compliment to be told over and over again that I look like a child. It's insulting.

It's insulting because people make assumptions about your life, I'm not a teenage mother.

It's insulting because people talk down to me and generally tend to treat me like a child/teenager.

Let me give you an example. When I was 22 in college and volunteering at the church. I was prepping a craft for the children which involved cutting cardboard out with an exacto knife. When I grabbed the exacto knife a woman walked up to me and said, "No, no honey I'm not sure you should be using the knife."

It was pretty awkward for her when I explained how old I was and that I could actually use sharp objects.

It's exasperating, it's not a "compliment" to be treated like a child so stop it. Obviously as the pastor of a church and the mother of two children I'm not a child so stop telling me that.

Thanks all done.

I'm so behind...

2011-11-16T20:39:00.000-08:00

On everything.

Work, blogging, housework, holiday prep. (I'm hosting at my house that could be interesting).

I haven't been sleeping at all, which is so incredibly horrible, so most days I merely try to stay conscious and keep up with my children.

I have so many stories I need to write down before I forget, plus I still need to finish my halloween posts before thanksgiving.

Please let me sleep tonight.

Last night was not good...

2011-11-14T21:46:00.000-08:00

Our family was a little bit of a mess today because none of us got any sleep last night. Marcus was up all night with a stomach bug, I just couldn't sleep (which isn't altogether unusual for me but it was worse last night).

Emerson kept escaping and coming into our bedroom, and Eli woke up crying throughout the night wanting a bottle. So he was awake and every time he saw Emerson escape he started crying again.

I finally fell asleep around 5:30am and so of course morning came much too soon. Today was just not good. Marcus and I napped in shifts. Eli and Emmy weren't overly delightful due to lack of sleep.

Here's hoping tonight and tomorrow is much better and that the rest of the family can avoid getting whatever Marcus has.

Day 12: Productivity...

2011-11-12T21:35:00.000-08:00

I'm so thankful that today was so productive. Usually saturdays are consumed by worship prep and sermon prep. Today oddly enough I was blessed with energy (which never happens, maybe it's because I actually slept last night for once).

I was able to get everything done for work by 4, plus do 5 loads of land. It's so nice to have my Saturday evening not be stressful, busy, and hurried.

Day 11: Music...

2011-11-12T21:33:00.000-08:00

I adore music and I'm so grateful for the moments when Eli and Emerson ask me to turn on the music and we can dance.

Today it was adorable I was preparing the music for my worship service. Emerson grabbed the hymnal and before I would start a new song she would flip through it, select one, and then dance like crazy to a hymn.

Haha, I hope they're always so enthusiastic.

Eli also has a special love for music. He often asks for the ipod and walks around bobbing his head to the beat.

Things you shouldn't say to 2 year olds...

2011-11-11T19:24:00.001-08:00

"Do you want to go to Disneyland?"

Now granted they have no idea what Disneyland is but they did hear me ask if they wanted to go somewhere.

So their natural inclination was to grab their shoes so we could go. It was not well received when I tried to explain that the only place they were going right now is bed.

We counted on our hands 7 months until we might go to Disneyland but they were ready for some kind of adventure right now.

Oops. They now have shoes on with their pajamas.

Day 10: My Calling...

2011-11-10T22:59:00.000-08:00

Today I am grateful for my calling into ministry. As I've mentioned before I felt a call to ministry at a young age and began to vocalize and answer that call when I was in high school. I then spent 7 years obtaining the education I needed and all the while seeking and praying and finding full assurance that ministry is what I intend to do with my life.

There's a book I've written about before called, This Odd and Wondrous Calling by Lillian Daniel and Martin B. Copenhaver and the title of the book so concisely sums up my feelings about ministry.

There are aspects that are really difficult to get used to, in fact I'm still working through a lot of the kinks and quirks and oddities that go along with ministry.

But those are minor compared to the great wondrous gift.

Lillian Daniel in her book writes the following:

I love being a minister. Even when the ministry is hard, it's more fun than any other job I can imagine. Where else can you preach, teach, meet with lead abatement specialist and get arrested for civil disobedience all in the same week?

Where else can you be invited into the living room of new mothers and into the hospice rooms of the dying, and find hope in both places? I do love being a minister. I love agility it calls forth, and the chaos that only Jesus could organize into a calling.

But mostly I love observing God's presence in the lives of people of faith. Mostly I love those moments when, from the position of paying holy attention to my own community of faith, I notice the power and presence of God. There are moments when we are practicing our faith together in ways that have become ordinary, but God's grace breaks in and we realize that we are part of something extraordinary. (pg 2-3)

Isn't that beautiful. I have the privilege and honor of being trusted and invited into some of the most sacred moments in peoples lives. I will be honest the before actually entering into my own church I was really nervous about doing funerals. Wedding and baptisms yes please. Funerals... I was just scared.

Scared that I would not be enough. Scared that I couldn't offer the families all they needed in the midst of their grief. Scared I wouldn't be able to find the words. Last month I did my first funeral and it was beautiful. Family and friends gathered to share, remember, and say good-bye and we ushered this woman home to be with her parents and her late husband. In that moment I knew I was doing the work I was called to do.

I no longer was afraid I didn't have the words or that I wouldn't be enough.

I am grateful for this calling to ministry and I am grateful to mentors, professors, friends, pastors, and especially to Marcus who helped me answer this calling.

I'm not going to lie I feel a little like I'm playing dress up when I put on the clergy collar.

Day 9: Naps...

2011-11-09T22:49:00.000-08:00

Eli and Emerson took a nap today. This never ever happens.

Of course it involved me laying in my bed with them (even though Eli eventually fell asleep on the floor next to my bed). And Emerson the little diva princess of mine requested her feet to be rubbed. To quote her exactly, "rub feet mama." (Except when she says rub it sounds more like yub).

And if I stopped she would demand it again loudly "rub feet" so I did because I really really wanted her to nap and they did!!

And for that I am thankful. Now if only they could do this every day. Wishful thinking on my part.

Eli can spell...

2011-11-09T20:48:00.000-08:00

he's a genius! Okay, he can't really spell but he and Marcus had a hilarious conversation at bedtime tonight.

However, before I tell you the story I have a confession to make. Here it goes...

Eli and Emerson still get a bottle before bed.

We've tried not to give them bottles but it makes Eli so sad, then one of the EI therapists had the grand idea that if we put water in it they would stop asking for a bottle altogether. So we tried that strategy. While they would still prefer milk they'll take water over nothing.

Every night before bed Eli says the same thing. "baba, milk"

and we say, "no water."

Tonight Marcus was saying to Eli, "No M-I-L-K for you"

and without missing a beat Eli said, "No milk, (then he sort of sighed) water."

He knew Marcus was spelling milk and that he wasn't getting any, see he's a genius.

In other thoughts I wonder if they'll ever get over the bottle.

My children amuse me...

2011-11-09T13:43:00.000-08:00

We have Apple TV (as opposed to cable) and we often stream Barney episodes off of it. Today Eli was standing directly in front of the device so the remote wouldn't work.

Emmy was getting more and more frustrated with her brother and I kept saying, "Move please Eli."

Finally, Emmy took things into her own hands. She ran up to him, grabbed him around the waste and wrestled him away from the front of the TV. Eli was not impressed by this sneak attack.

I let them do their thing (because why not really) and I got the episode started.

Emmy let go of Eli and said, "See Bubba, works, okay."

And then went and sat back down. It was hysterical haha.

Day 8: Marcus as a Dad

2011-11-08T22:20:00.000-08:00

I'm so grateful that Eli and Emerson have Marcus as a daddy. I strongly believe that Marcus was called to be a dad in the same way that I am called to ministry. The same way so many woman are called to motherhood. For as long as I've known him he's wanted kids and then when we found out that because of the diagnosis of azoospermia that for us having kids wasn't going to be what we alway imagined and envisioned. I have never been so confused and angry with God because it didn't make sense.

I had fears and anxieties about all of that but from the very second that we found out I was pregnant was the most attentive and excited daddy to be I've ever seen. That poor guy was put through the wringer during my pregnancy. He was constantly worried about me and our babies.

One day after one of our appointments with the MFM when we learned that Emerson had a single artery umbilical cord, we knew that although unlikely, this could cause some problems. Marcus put his hand on my stomach and said, "I guess you worry about your kids before they're even here."

And he is the best dad I have ever seen. The most hands on dad, and I have adored watching him with our babies from the very beginning. I'm so grateful that when I was dealing with PPD and PP anxiety that Eli and Emerson had their dad to fill in all the ways that I couldn't.

When they were still in the NICU and Marcus had to return to work as soon as he got home he would say, "Let's go to the hospital and see our babies."

The first night that Eli was home Marcus slept on the floor of the nursery.

Marcus did 90% of all the nighttime feedings because he's amazing and because mentally I just wasn't in a place where I could do it.

For the last 15 months he was a full time stay and home dad and I am so grateful that we were able to make that work. If only it still could for a little bit longer.

And now from the moment he gets home all time and attention is focused on the kids. They love their daddy and he loves them more than anything in the whole world.

He amazes me and I could not do this motherhood thing, let alone twin motherhood without him by my side.

Day 7: Books...

2011-11-07T20:32:00.000-08:00

Right now as a I type I sitting in our living room, snuggled under a big heavy blanket, drinking a Dr. Pepper, with a book. It's heaven.

For as long as I can remember books have pretty much been my most favorite thing in the entire world. I love to read books, look at books, collect books, talk about books. Oh, how I love to talk about books. I think if I could be in about 7 or 8 book clubs with others who love to read and discuss books just as much I would be in heaven.

A new book has a way of cheering me up, and I often find inspiration and meaning from the words and experiences of others between the covers. For my ordination process I have to meet with a committee annually and write papers. One of the questions they asked was what books I've read to enhance my ministry. They probably weren't expecting the extensive list of books I've read since I've seen them last.

Reading for me is a spiritual discipline. When I can't read, or don't make time for reading I often feel as though something is missing. The void can generally be filled with a book.

So on this 7th day of November I am so grateful for my love of books and the fact that I have access to so many of them. I hope that Eli and Emerson will love books and reading too (especially because knowing me should they ever request a book I probably won't be able to resist buying it for them).

Day 5 & 6: Eli & Emerson

2011-11-06T21:23:00.000-08:00

I'm thankful for Eli and Emerson. They are crazy and hysterical and exhausting.

They are my little prayed for blessings and miracles. I love them and in all their crazy 2.5 year old self.

The danger of preaching when you're tired...

2011-11-06T13:07:00.000-08:00

Me: Marcus how was my sermon today?

Marcus: Good, except you said circumcise instead of circumstance

Me: You noticed? I was hoping that wasn't obvious.

Note to self, get more sleep.

Day 4: Productive days of work...

2011-11-04T22:08:00.001-07:00

especially while staying home with 2 toddlers. Today I had no choice but to work all day. Marcus was at a training all day and so I had to make a go of being productive with the kids around.

I actually got a lot done. Eli and Emerson were in a remarkably good mood today, the played independently quite well. The laid in my office and watched a movie for a little bit and then they played some more.

I still prefer to not work from home but today went better than I anticipated and for that I'm grateful.

Day 3: Language...

2011-11-03T21:43:00.001-07:00

Eli and Emerson's speech has always been a concern for me. I still think that they're behind where they should be but they've come so far especially Emerson.

She's doing so much better stringing words together and although she mostly mimics still we do get an actual answer or a response. This morning Emerson crawled into bed with me and we were reading a book together. (Marcus and Eli were in the kitchen). Marcus called for Emerson to come eat her eggs. Emerson looked at me and said, "Daddy crazy." haha I dies laughing.

Yesterday I told her I was going to take a shower and her response to that was, "mama stinky" and whenever Marcus sings Emerson says, "daddy don't"

Eli is also coming along and although he's not doing as well putting words together he's so cute when he tells me stories in one word a time. I worked in town today quite a bit and had several meetings. When I came home Eli told me about their day. He said, Emmy. Owie. daddy. and then he kissed the air.

In essence he was telling me that Emerson got an owie and daddy kissed it better, but instead of saying kiss he showed me a kiss. So cute.

I'm so grateful for their continued language development and how far they've come.

Day 2: Morning Prayer...

2011-11-02T22:35:00.000-07:00

About 5 weeks ago I started a 6 am prayer service that meets every Wednesday. My congregation picked the time (I gave them the option of morning, noon, or evening). I'm not a morning person so at first I was really dreading the 5:30 am wake up time each week.

However, I've grown to really love the 30 minutes of focused prayer every week. I find that even though I'm the one leading the service that I still get to be in a meditative place of prayer. (Often when I lead worship on Sundays it's hard for me to actually feel like I'm worshipping). I love it but leading it is very different than participating. Prayer isn't like that. I can fully lead the service and participate too.

I love that I have that space each week, and faithful members of my congregation who join me in prayer each week. I also love that all the prayer requests I see on the various forums and from my friends and family I can intentionally lift up those concerns.

What I read in September & October...

2011-11-02T21:43:00.000-07:00

I failed to do my monthly reading round up last month so here's two in one. I'm still disappointed in the number of books I've been able to read. I'm not going to make my yearly goal at all. Oh well, such is life I suppose. There are worse failures. I just wish I had more time to read these days. Writing a sermon every week takes up a lot of time.

September
1. Catcher, Caught by Sarah Honenberger
2. I Will Carry You: The Sacred Dance of Grief and Joy by Angie Smith
3. This Odd and Wonderous Calling: The Public and Private Lives of Two Ministers by Lillian Daniel
4. Take This Bread: A Radical Conversion by Sara Miles
5. The Shadow of the Wind by Carlos Ruiz Zafon
6. Every You, Every Me by David Levithan
7. For One More Day by Mitch Albom
8. Age is Just a Number: Achieve Your Dreams at Any Stage in Your Life by Dara Torres
9. Admission by Jean Korelitz Hanff
10. Promise Not to Tell by Jennifer McMahon

October
1. Into Thin Air: A Personal Account of the Mt. Everest Disaster by Jon Krakauer
2. Letter to My Daughter by Maya Angelou
3. Animal, Vegetable, Miracle: A Year of Food Life by Barbara Kingsolver
4. Lola and the Boy Next Year by Stephanie Perkins
5. The Sacrifice of Tamar by Naomi Ragen
6. Leaving Church: A Memoir of Faith by Barbara Brown Taylor
7. Girl Meets God: ON The Path to a Spiritual Life by Lauren Winner

Total for these two months: 17 months
Total for 2011: 83 books

Day 1: My Medication...

2011-11-01T21:31:00.000-07:00

For the past two years I've used the month of November to be attentive and aware of the many blessings in my life, and I make a concentrated effort to find gratitude in all things. Unfortunately, this exercise
doesn't always come easily. There are times when I'm having such an awful day or week or moment that my instinct is to instead focus on the negative. It takes effort on my part to shift my thinking.

So on this day I'm grateful that I finally have my medication. I'm thankful for the 6 very generous individuals in my life who took it upon themselves to ensure that I did not go one more day without it. My instinct when offered the money for my medication was to refuse it. However, I've come to realize that there are times to be the one who gives, and there are times to be the one who receives. That's part of what it is to be in community with one another. Whatever that community may be.

In fact I preached that very lesson in my sermon 4 days before I was gifted the funds for my medication. I wrote as part of my sermon:

"I see the ways that we are called to be both the one who gives and the one who receives. To sometimes be the one giving strength, offering a helping hand, and literally helping to feed one another, and I also see the ways that sometimes we are each the bird at the bottom of the feeder. To weak, to sick, to tired, to find the strength on our own."

So often when I preach a sermon I find the ways in which I too need to continue to grow, and so I received with immense gratitude and humility. And I am so very thankful for this very expensive bottle of medicine that will carry me through the month of November.

As E & E say, "Happy Ween"...

2011-10-31T21:58:00.000-07:00

Hope you all had a good one.

My little gnomes had a great time. Stayed out too late, had too much candy, but had a ton of fun trick-or-treating. More tomorrow Halloween makes me tired.

PKs (Pastors Kids)...

2011-10-30T22:19:00.000-07:00

Eli and Emerson are what is known in my profession as Pks or Pastor's kids. I've heard lots of different kinds of stories about how having a parent as a minister affects the kids growing up, some for better, some for worse. Since they're still really little I'm not overly concerned about any of that quite yet, but it is kind of difficult sometimes to be the mom of 2 year old twins and the pastor during the service.

Marcus serves as the tech. person in the church right now (sort of by default) and so he does his best to manage the technology during the service and our kids too. They were in rare form this morning, probably due to waking up at 6:30 am and so the first part of the service was conducted with Emerson in my arms.

As I was doing the Call to Worship Emerson kept tapping the microphone. So I would say a line and then swing away from the microphone during the congregations response and then repeat the process.

We also had a really small service this morning and so Eli and Emerson were the only kids. It's kind of funny to do the children's moment with just my kids, especially because they're two. I did a 2 year old version of what I had planned and then I told them to fold their hands so we could pray. When I did that Emerson pointed to Marcus and said, "daddy pray too."

She's used to us all praying together and she wanted to make sure he too had his hands folded.

They went to sunday school and I got to finish my service without a child in my arms.

After the service I asked Emerson how sunday school was and she kept pointing to the door and then putting a finger to her lips and saying "shhhh..." I could not figure out what she was trying to tell them.

When I talked to the teacher she told me that they borrowed a wagon from another member in our congregation (It's a small town so people walk to church and the wagon was used to transport the refreshments for fellowship). As a joke the teacher said, "Shhh... don't tell that we took the wagon without asking." So Emerson was indeed telling me about sunday school, telling me about not telling about the wagon.

Finally, one last note. Eli learned a very valuable PK lesson. We haven't been able to find his backpack that his gram bought him. We had an event last week which included a rummage sale. As we were helping clean up we found his backpack for sale on the table.

Let this be a lesson to him that if he leaves his things at a church they might be donated or sold for 50 cents. He's very happy to have his bag back haha.

Snuggle bug...

2011-10-29T22:13:00.000-07:00

Last night on two different occasions Emerson and piggy made the trek down the over the baby gate, down the hall, up the hope chest, and into our bed.

Each time she snuggled underneath the covers between me and Marcus, and each time she put her arm around my neck and snuggled right next to me.

It was so sweet. However, she needs to learn to stay in her bed. So each time Marcus carried her back.

She's always been a snuggle bug and I love it.

She's a little possessive though. Today I was rocking Eli in my arms. He just wasn't himself, when Emerson saw me she came over and laid right down on Eli and said, "mama me." She has to learn to share her mama.

I've never been so happy to spend $629...

2011-10-28T20:10:00.000-07:00

and all I purchased was a one month supply of my Crohn's medication. Due to the crazy cost I haven't been able to afford my medication since August. Some unexpected blessings finally made it possible.

As I was filling the prescription the Pharmacy Tech looked at the price and asked, "Do you know how much this costs?"

Then she took my insurance information and she freaked out again, "Do you realize that you have a $750 deductible."

Why yes, I knew both of those things.

I have awful insurance because I have Crohn's, and because I have Crohn's I need a medication that costs $750 a month and no generic exists. It's a fun messed up cycle.

This is not okay. For everyone who claims that the United States does not need health care reform then they are far more privileged than I am (and all things considered in many areas I suppose I could be considered privileged, although I'm still the 99% haha a little joke for all of you following the occupy wall street stuff. Okay now a side note. When we were in town today, filling my prescription, we drove by the city hall area, they had an Occupy "Name of City" there were 3 people there. I told Marcus I might need to go help them occupy, it was just kind of sad.)

Any way I had the same conversation with the lady as I was paying for my medication, "Do you know how much this costs?" She was almost afraid to tell me. I am just happy that for this next month I have my medication. You have no idea how big of a relief this is for me.

Thank you to the amazing blessing gifted to me.

Cute things...

2011-10-27T22:16:00.000-07:00

I feel like at this age they are constantly doing or saying things that I think are adorable. Of course it's probably mostly adorable to me but it's my blog so I get to share even if no one else cares.

1.) A few mornings ago I was sitting in our rocking chair reading. Eli and Emerson usually play by themselves really well in the mornings and I try not to disturb them at all (I'm trying to foster independent play that doesn't involve being attached to me).

They were both in the living room, it was quiet, we were all happily engrossed in what we were doing. When I looked up from my book I noticed Emerson...

She was sitting exactly like I was sitting, engrossed in her book. So much focus and concentration. I realized that she was doing exactly what I was doing. Spending the morning reading. It melted my heart. She "read" her books intently for about 20 minutes.

2.) Yesterday, Emerson decided that piggy needed a diaper. So I obliged because I think her love of piggy is adorable.

Piggy in a diaper. Of course not to be out done Eli decided his blanket needed a diaper...

Which was pretty much the most hysterical thing I've ever seen. This boy and his blanket. He insists on dragging it every where.

He was adjusting the diaper.

4.) Eli is also getting much better and remember things or attempting to tell me things. Emerson and Eli both have trouble keeping their pants up. They're scrawny. The other day they were playing when Eli came to me and said, "sissy pants"

He then pulled me by the hand to show me that Emerson's pants had indeed fallen all the way off.

He also gave me a report of his time with Marcus. They went to the park (Which Eli and Emerson call the "wee"). I asked Eli what he did with daddy he told me, "daddy, wee, wagon. He went with his daddy to the park in the wagon. Adorable.

5.) We live in a very small community surrounded by farms. Recently they've been finishing up one harvest and preparing their fields for another season of planting. In preparation they've been spreading cow manure everywhere and so it smells quiet strongly.

We were driving to the store when we passed a field with a fresh layer of manure. Emerson got the most panicked look on her face, scrunched up her nose, and said, "mama, mama, nose."

I guess she's not quite used to being a country girl.

On unrelated notes:

They still won't nap with the exception of two days ago when I somehow managed to get them both asleep for about an hour.

We also cannot get Emerson to wear her glasses. We're not suppose to force the issue but she won't even put them on at this point. Any suggestions?

My little Artists...

2011-10-26T21:43:00.000-07:00

The other day I was feeling ready for a mess so I pulled out some paint and decided to let Eli and Emerson make some Halloween paintings.

They both had a great time. Emmy was a little more serious about the actual painting working very carefully and intently. Eli was more excited about the paint in general. I was really proud of him though because he started finger painting on his own free-will and didn't freak out. There was a time when he couldn't handle anything on his hands. We've come so far.

She was so excited to show me the picture. (Eli wouldn't hold his for me).

Eli's finished paintings.

Emmy's finished paintings.

Now of course everyday they ask to paint. I will say as ready I am for our weather to cool down it is nice that the mess could go outside instead of my house.

Emerson...

2011-10-23T21:25:00.000-07:00

I wish there was some way I could preserve, or even describe this child of mine.

She's nuts in the most wonderful way. She's compassionate, she funny, she's stubborn, loud and demanding. Lately, she's been talking more and more.

It's not always words but she chatters non-stop. Talking on the phone is one of her new favorite things and when a parishioner called me this morning, to let me know they wouldn't be at church, Emerson loudly demanded "TALK TALK."

Of course as cute as I think they are I'm not going to subject church members to my children's phone babblings at 9 in the morning that's what grandparents are for.

So after getting of the phone we called her granddad and gram and she filled them in on a few things including, "mama's necklace." Which was her new fascination today. So much so that before we could go to church I had to dig out random necklaces for both of them from my jewelry box.

Later, she she called her gram again and her conversation went something like this, "gakdljfakjdkfj adkfhakdf;akdfa akdhfdakfkadjf yeah."

Did I mention she says yeah? It's hilarious.

Emerson do you want to be a doctor? "Yeah"

Emerson do you want to go to church? "Yeah"

What makes it even better though is you can't trick her. Emerson you want to go to bed? "No"

I pretty much have the best time asking her yes or no questions all day just to see how she's feeling about things.

She also talks to Eli all the time, asks him questions, tells him to do things, give him hugs. Today at dinner she was babbling, "akjdf;kahdk;fhad bubba cuckoo cuckoo." Eli seems to understand her though.

She also recently started saying Hello, except she can't say her l's so it's more like ewwoah.

When she can't find us she shouts "Ewwoah"

When she wants a door opened she knocks and shouts, "ewwoah, ewwoah"

She cracks me up (and frustrates me and challenges me) but I love her little personality and it was in full force today.

Scenes from around our house...

2011-10-21T23:21:00.000-07:00

Eli decided that each little pumpkin needs its own coaster.

They're supposed to be in that basket on the right. I find his decorating touches adorable.

I put them back in the basket and then he moves them back on their coasters.

I dropped the keys inside the toaster when Marcus was at work and couldn't get them out. I was afraid I would forget to tell him, then he would make toast in the morning, and it seems like nothing good could come from that. So I left a note.

These days if Eli naps it's in the middle of the family room floor.

Emmy cut her finger (notice the big bandage). Then she decided both piggy and blankie had owies too. (you can't really see piggy's in the picture), but they all had bandages. It was a very dramatic morning.

Reading a book inside a storage cube. Whatever works for the boy.

Marcus told Emmy to smile. This is what he got... it's kind of like a smile hahaha.

It's a movie watching kind of a day...

2011-10-20T16:09:00.000-07:00

None of us got any sleep last night. I finally dozed off around 1:30 am just in time to wake up at 2 am to a hysterical Eli, burning with fever, and totally inconsolable.

Eli was thrashing everywhere and it was clear that he was in a great deal of pain. Emerson of course woke up in the commotion and she started crying and kept saying, "bubba owie, bubba owie."

Marcus ended up taking Eli to the ER around 3 because we couldn't get him to calm down. The sight of Eli and Marcus leaving upset Emerson even more so she and I hung out and she finally fell asleep in bed with me around 3:45. I stayed awake waiting to hear from Marcus and it doesn't help that we live in Mayberry so the drive to the ER is an hour round trip.

I think we were all back in our own beds and asleep close to 5 am.

Eli has an ear infection and today the four of us our incredibly sleep deprived.

Marcus is at work.

I have papers that I'm editing that have to be sent out today for my ordination stuff (There's no flexibility in this deadline) and Eli and Emerson have been watching movies.

I usually feel guilty when they spend so much time in front of the TV, I try to limit it to one show a day, but I feel like the circumstances warrant a movie day.

Back to work.

Must.stay.awake.

Favorites October 2011...

2011-10-19T22:00:00.000-07:00

Katie over at Creole Wisdom tagged me in her post about a week ago. I lost all of my book marks so I've been behind on my blog reading, I really need to find some time and reconstruct my links.

Favorite colour? Green, but a very specific kind of green. Not forest or dark green more of a Green Apple kind of green. I love it. Green sneaks its way into many of the rooms in my house.

Favorite animal? Giraffe. I have to say though my love of giraffes diminished some after everyone in the universe starting buying me everything related to giraffes. At one point my entire apartment was overrun with them. I'm pared it down to just a few of my favorites these days and my house is much more even in this regard.

Favorite number? 13 for a couple of reasons. 1.) I like to be difficult so if people think this is unluckily I embrace it. 2). It was my number in basketball my 8th grade year. Making the team that year was a huge personal victory for me.

Favorite alcoholic/non alcoholic drink? My favorite alcoholic drink is Woodchuck Cider. I discovered this during my three years in Connecticut. I cannot for the life of me find it on the west coast, it's quite sad. In fact when ever I try and order hard cider of any variety people over here look at me like I'm insane. Non-alcoholic Dr Pepper. It's my vice I have one every day. Whenever Eli sees a Dr. Pepper he points and says, "mamas drink".

Facebook or Twitter? Facebook although I do have a twitter account and I like following others on there.

Your Passions? Social Justice issues, preaching, my job, books

Your wish list for this month? This is hard one especially since most of the hard stuff is behind me. I suppose it's to accomplish everything that I need to do in a manner that I'm proud of. This has been an incredibly busy month for me and I'm having a hard time finding time to do everything.

Favorite pattern? I'm pretty sure I don't have one.

Favorite day of the week? Sundays. I love leading worship and preaching. I also love Sunday afternoons when church is over. I'm the most relaxed at that moment because my service has ended and I don't have to think about another sermon until the next day.

Favorite flowers? This is a hard one for me. I love bouquets that are full of all kinds of flowers. Especially if they're brightly colored.

Favorite photo as of late:

My girls from grad. school. I love and miss them. I miss living just a few blocks away from them. Now we're spread out all over the country.

I tag Jess and Debbie and anyone else who feels inspired to document their current favorites.

Emmy scared me to death tonight...

2011-10-18T21:05:00.000-07:00

I put Eli and Emerson to bed tonight around 7 like usual. Then around 7:45 I went to check on them (this was the third time) because I wanted to see if Emerson finally fell asleep. She's a stubborn little girl and fights sleep.

When I went into their room Emerson's bed was empty. I frantically looked in their closet and on the sides of their beds hoping she was hiding but she wasn't any where in the room.

Then I started searching our house. The entire backside of our house was dark (except for their nightlight) and there was no noise. She wasn't in the toy room or my office (they usually sneak through my office when they get out of bed).

I ran to my bedroom (which was also pitch black) and then I heard her snoring (what a blessing her snoring was tonight). I flipped on the light and found this:

Emerson and piggy sleeping soundly in my bed.

How she managed to get over the baby gate, through the dark and climb into our very tall bed is beyond me. I would just like to reiterate once again how much I hate toddler beds. I miss the safety and security of knowing they're contained. I miss their naps, oh how I miss nap time. They don't nap anymore at all. Eli often gets very close to falling asleep but then Emerson encourages him not to.

I'm terrified that one day they're going to wake up and wander outside or something (Eli can unlock and open our front door).

Two nights ago Emerson came into our room at 1:00am luckily Marcus heard her as she whispered into the dark "daddy".

Did I mention I hate toddler beds.

Luckily, she was safe and sound. Not an experience I ever want to repeat.

Working from home doesn't work...

2011-10-17T22:36:00.000-07:00

especially when you have 2 year old twins.

My office is in my house and so most of my work during the week takes places in my home. This is all well and grand except for 2 things: Eli & Emerson.

Oh my word. They seem to know when I'm doing something work related and then they strike.

Last week I was on the phone doing some preparations for a funeral. During that conversation they both climbed up onto my bathroom counter, and were helping themselves to my lotion and my make-up.

After I removed them from that situation Eli went and unplugged the phone and I lost contact all together.

Then tonight I schedule a phone call for 8pm. I assumed that my children would be in bed and asleep by this point.

I put them to bed at 7 and waited for my phone call. As soon as I started my conversation both Eli and Emerson climbed out of their beds, over the fence we have blocking their door and they came out into the living room.

Since I was on a work related call I couldn't even say anything to them, so while trying to maintain a conversation I had to haul each of them back to their beds.

Then we repeated this scenario about 7 times. I was out of breath and so angry all the while trying to talk on the phone. I was also incredibly out of breath due to the lugging of two toddlers over a baby gate repeated times.

Oh my lord. It didn't help that Marcus had to work late tonight too. Normally he gets off at 8 but not tonight.

I'm exhausted these children NEED to nap, and they NEED to go to sleep at night. My sanity and my career depends on it.

Pumpkin Patch 2011...

2011-10-16T21:25:00.000-07:00

The nice thing about living in Mayberry is we're literally surrounded by agriculture. In the past we've had to drive an hour or so to find a pumpkin patch and corn maze, but not here. There's one literally right down the road so off we went.

I just wanted one picture of the two of them.

They refuse to comply crazy two year olds.

They were both in love with this chair.

She would not look at the camera.

Here turn in the wood chair.

And their favorite activity jumping.

I'm pretty sure they would have spent the entire time jumping off the hay if we would have allowed it.

Jumping while holding hands doesn't always work so well.

More climbing.

I think they had a good time, but what I always find so interesting is that they do not know how to deal with other kids. They'll be playing and then as soon as another kid shows up they both stop and just stare. It's bizarre. They do the same thing at the playground. If there's another kid present they don't seem to know how to play, and they stop in their tracks. I suppose we'll need to work on this.

Emmy has glasses...

2011-10-14T15:32:00.000-07:00

She finally got her glasses yesterday and now our new challenge is finding ways to encourage her to wear them. The doctor says it's going to take some time for her to see the benefit in wearing them since she only has one eye that needs correction, and her good eye is already so used to m compensating for the other one.

To start anytime we're reading or she's reading and also any time she's watching TV. We'll see how this goes. She was so cute though. After she got them we went back to the waiting room where Eli and Marcus were, and Emmy was so excited to show Eli her new glasses. She had them on and walked right up to his face and said, "bubba, bubba." Once Eli saw them, off they went.

As of right now her record for keeping them on in one time frame is about 10 minutes. It's a start.

Isn't she cute in her glasses?

Of course piggy had to have a try at wearing the glasses too.

Yesterday, at the eye doctor Emmy still wouldn't put her chin on the platform and look. I used piggy as an example and when I handed piggy back to Emmy, Emerson was sure that he had an owie from the event. So much for that strategy.

Their personalities...

2011-10-12T14:34:00.000-07:00

What I find so fascinating about Eli and Emerson is how consistent their personalities have been since before birth. Even inside Eli was this calm easy going baby. He hung out in one position, occasionally would kick and let me know he was around, but the doctors could always pinpoint his heartbeat immediately because he was very consistent. During ultrasounds he was very easy to get pictures of, and we have so many perfect profile views of him.

As a baby he continued to sort of be low key and easy going. Never in a hurry or rush. It took him forever and a day to drink a bottle. Good lord the boy was a lazy eater and he was pretty content with anyone. A new babysitter would not faze him at all.

And today he continues to be this way. He's still never in a hurry. When we go for walks he folds his arms across his chest and takes everything in. Really, really slowly. There's no hurrying him. He listens amazingly well for a two year old. When I tell him to stop doing something, go get something, or pretty much anything he just does it.

What prompted this post was today he requested more juice. I told him we were out of juice so he said, "all-gone juice" and then said "thank you" to the cup of water I handed him off he went.

Now miss Emerson. Is pretty much the exact opposite of this. Inside she was all over the place. Changing positions everyday, refusing to stay on the monitors (thus prompting the need for me to be monitored more). We have over 20 ultrasounds and we don't have a single profile of her because she refused to hold still for the ultrasound tech. She was impossible.

Then in the NICU the nurses all had a common description for our little 3lb peanut. Feisty, she was constantly ripping out her tubes, she refused to take a bottle, by clenching her jaw down and she would not budge an inch. She is not a fan of strangers and from a very early age she perfected this glare when ever anyone approached.

When babysitters would come over she would sit in her swing and stare at the wall refusing to allow pretty much everyone to hold her (except her Delfin she loved him, Delfin called her his little diva).

And she continues to be so independent and feisty. She's pretty openly defiant, when she wants her way she's pretty clear about making that known. She's also incredibly sweet and cuddly and loves to be held and snuggled.

Here's how she reacted to the news that there was no more juice, by laying on the floor and screaming "JUICE, JUICE" as though the entire world was coming to an end.

I adore that they're so different and I wouldn't change anything about them. They complement each other perfectly haha.

She just finished running across the yard. This was her finishing pose.

CT adventures...

2011-10-11T22:21:00.000-07:00

I had such a great time in CT. Seriously, it was just perfect. Pretty much all of our significant others couldn't attend due to the cost of travel so it was pretty much a girls (long) weekend which was awesome.

Thursday night was the bachelorette party which was a great time. Dinner and dancing at the club. Although, at the club I had to provide a back-up form of identification. The bouncer said it was because I had an out state license but so did 6 others in our group and none of them had too. I know, I know, one day I'll appreciate looking young.

No pictures from the bachelorette party but I had a fabulous time with the girls. We got home from the party a little after midnight (because that was when we could get a shuttle back to the hotel) and then we stayed up talking until 4 eek.

Friday was rehearsal and rehearsal dinner. One of our friends from divinity school preformed the ceremony and the rehearsal was very efficient 32 minutes a record! I have high hopes that when I preform weddings my rehearsal will also be swift.

Me and two of my very best friends from div. school

And the four of us. The bride is in the green. Some of my dearest and most treasured friends. These three are god parents to my children.

Such a pretty cupcake. The flower however not edible. Want to know how I know? I took a bite, it was Styrofoam. Awesome

And cider. The only drink I like. This picture was mostly for my west coast friends who think I'm making up such things.

We stayed up talking friday night until 3am after we got back to the hotel from the reception. Not a lot of sleeping happening.

Then of course saturday was the big day and it was so beautiful. A perfect fall wedding in Connecticut. Everything about it was just perfection.

The bride the morning of the wedding

Walking to the church

The view from the reception site. So beautiful.

Me and sandra. I love this picture.

Some friends from grad. school

Someone in the group was inspired by the brick wall.

The center pieces.

Cocktails before dinner.

Delicious food.

All the ladies from grad school with the bride. (I look so incredibly short I always feel much taller than I actually am).

The bride. The beer was all home brewed.

Beautiful reception site. Perfect for a fall wedding in CT.

Everything was so beautiful.

The happy groom and bride.

The pie (in lieu of cake) baked at a local orchid.

More group photos.

The Pie table

I loved the fall decor.

So perfect.

I had the best time. I can't wait until we all get together again.

The downside...

2011-10-11T00:27:00.000-07:00

to Marcus working and me "working from home" is that now most of my work has to take place after the babies are in bed. Which is why I'm up at 12:30 working on the program for a graveside memorial service I'm doing this Saturday.

Plus, this Sunday I have to record a DVD of my sermon to give to the committee that oversees my progress towards ordination. It's going to be a very busy and interesting weeks balancing all of this and the children.

It's much easier when one person stays at home without the work obligations. Too bad we weren't rich hahaha.

Back from CT & Mother of the year today...

2011-10-10T16:17:00.000-07:00

I left on Wednesday last week to spend 4 days in Connecticut for the wedding of one of my best friends from graduate school.

I had such a great time. Another friend and I ended up on the same flight from Phoenix to Providence so we spent 5 hours on a plane laughing and talking (much the annoyance, I'm sure of the women next to us). It was the fastest 5 hour flight I ever had.

Then we spend the next 3 nights staying up with more friends until 3 or 4 in the morning. So suffice to say I'm exhausted today, which is where the mother of the year part comes into play.

Eli is napping for the very first time since we put them in toddler beds. Of course he's not napping in his bed, he's napping in the middle of the living room floor, but I'll take it. And Miss Emerson, since she refuses to nap is watching her 3rd movie (*hangs head in shame*). I'm just so exhausted, Marcus is at work, and Emmy won't nap.

I plan on writing a post with pictures about the entire weekend. I just need to find the energy to download my pictures. Hopefully later tonight.

I've really missed Connecticut. It was a huge surprise to me that being back in the state in many ways felt like going home. Even though it was only our home for 3 years so much of our lives changed there. It was nice to be back, among friends, if only for a few days.

No internet...

2011-10-04T18:45:00.000-07:00

For the past 3 days we've had no internet at our house and it's driving me crazy. Not only do I need the internet for work but that's my primary means of communication.

I've had to drive to a nearby town (no wifi in Mayberry) and go to Starbucks just to keep on top of things.

It's cold, loud, smells like coffee (I know obviously) but I don't like anything coffee related.

We're suppose to get everything hooked back up tomorrow. Of course I'm leaving tomorrow morning for a wedding on the East coast!!

Love knows no genetics...

2011-10-03T07:00:00.000-07:00

"It's in their facial expressions and smiles--something only shared love can bring about."

I saw this quote recently on a friend of mines facebook page. She recently adopted the sweetest little girl and another adopted mom mentioned this in the context of those who share no genetics looking like each other.

While Marcus and I are not adoptive parents at all, and donor sperm, is not in any way equivalent to the adoption journey we do know that love supersedes genetics.

I often think that Eli and Emerson look like their dad and goodness knows they act like him.

They share similar mannerisms, they laugh and smile, and above all they adore and love one another. I can't help but think that there's a great deal of truth in this statement:

"It's in their facial expressions and smiles--something only shared love can bring about."

Eli and Emerson are fully 100% ours.

Created by the two of us,

So wanted and prayed for,

continually molded,

in and through our love

each day as they grow.

Marcus and Babies Jan. 2010

I don't know how Eli and Emerson will react to their origins as they grow and get older but I do know they will never know a day without love.

The Road Trip...

2011-10-02T07:00:00.000-07:00

This last week we took the longest road trip to date.

We drove: 1841 Miles

Watched: Finding Nemo 6 times (Emmy fell in love with this movie for some reason. Every time we tried a new movie she said, "Fishy, fishy.").

Listened: To "A is for Apple ah, ah apple..." countless times.

Heard: "mommy, mommy, mommy, mommy, mommy, moooooooooooommmmyyyyy.... way too much.

And watched as 2 two year olds essentially lost their minds.

We might have been screaming in these pictures...

Maybe...

Because everyone needs to let off some steam when driving forever...

and ever.

Plus they thought it was hilarious that mom was screaming and having them do it too!

They actually did really well. Eli never ever cried the entire trip. He sat in his seat and entertained himself. Emmy is a little more high maintenance but I don't blame her for being over the trip. Plus for some odd reason Emmy refuses to nap, even in a car. I don't think that helped much.

Saturday- Snapshot- Time with Family

2011-10-01T10:40:00.000-07:00

Me, Marcus, Eli & Emmy with his Grandpa Phil and Nona.

We decided last Sunday to drive the 15 hours north to go spend some time with Marcus' grandparents. And while we spent 4 days total driving and only 2 hours visiting with family it was worth the effort.

I don't think that anyone can ever regret time spent with family. Especially, since it's been 5 years since we've last seen them. I know it meant a lot to Marcus to have his grandparents meet his kids.

Plus, Eli and Emerson loved all of their great grandparents, great aunts and uncles, and cousins.

Now we're home and in recovery mode. Until I leave again on Wednesday for a wedding in CT.

I'm linking up with the meme Saturday Snapshot hosted by At Home with Books here.

Being Sick...

2011-09-29T21:14:00.000-07:00

and away from home is one of the worst things ever I think.

We started our long drive home today and it was just miserable. My entire body aches, going through elevation changes with a sinus infection is a recipe for disaster.

I just want to sleep in my own bed without two little children in the backseat saying, "Mommy, mommy, mommy, mommy, mommy, mommy...."

I was able to get some work done in the car today while we were driving. I planned my entire worship service and tomorrow on the rest of the trip I imagine I can start working on my sermon.

Good times abound.

As a random side note, does anyone else think it's absurd how much it costs to print an obituary? Almost $600 for a woman I know to run an obituary for her mom. It's insane. Silly me I assumed things like that were free.

Do you ever...

2011-09-28T22:40:00.000-07:00

look at your kids and wonder how you got so lucky? We've been out of town these last few days. We did decide to take the 15 hour drive to go see Marcus' grandpa who was really sick and in the hosptial.

They endured the 15 hour trip like it was nothing and these last few days they have done nothing but meet great aunts and uncles, great grandparents, and they have just be so wonderful.

They've been friendly with everyone. They gave everyone hugs and kisses and they've played for hours and entertained themselves with no toys or anything.

They are just amazing and precious.

I looked at Marcus tonight and asked, "How did they get to be so good?"

He seems to think we should get the credit but I don't know. I think they're just amazing.

Plus I've been really sick since we've been here. Sick enough that I went to the urgent care this morning. Each time I sneeze they both say, "bless you mommy."

I just love them, and their endless energy, and their willingess to just go with the flow and love everyone around them. They just continue to amaze me everyday.

I'll post more updates and pictures soon. We've been so busy seeing everyone and I've been pretty drugged up in an effort to be able to function.

Saturday- Snapshot Jump!

2011-09-24T12:34:00.000-07:00

I love this picture that my MIL captured of Emerson jumping off the steps of my church.

She loves to jump. She seeks out curbs and steps where ever we go so she can jump off.

She's getting pretty good at it (and a little too brave) her jumping platforms are getting higher and higher.

She counts, "3, 2, 3..." and then she jumps.

I'm linking up to the saturday snapshot meme here.

What would you do?

2011-09-23T21:48:00.000-07:00

Marcus Grandpa is really sick with an infection. The last update we heard is that he's improving and being moved out of the ICU.

Neither Marcus nor I have seen this set of grandparents in over 5 years, and they haven't met Eli and Emerson which I know really bothers Marcus.

We're trying to decide if we should take the 15 hour drive north to visit with them.

On the one hand this is a no brainer for me. Family is so important and there won't likely be another chance in the near future. Right now my schedule can be somewhat flexible (assuming we leave after church on Sunday and return before the next sunday) I can rearrange my other work obligations.

Marcus hasn't started his job yet so we don't have to coordinate that.

We can take a route up there that will take us through our hometown, which is almost halfway so we wouldn't need to spend any money to stay the night somewhere.

Mostly it would cost us gas money.

So what would you do. Would you go?

I'm leaning towards just going for it, but it's such a hard call.

We would appreciate any prayers or thoughts for Marcus grandpa.

I turned 27, Emmy gets glasses, I get a black eye...

2011-09-21T20:02:00.000-07:00

We had a full day around here. This morning Emmy had her eye doctor appointment part II. We went to a totally different doctor this time.

Little Emmy was not the most cooperative eye patient. She's leery of doctors and has been for awhile. That coupled with the new things they wanted her to do didn't go very well. They tried to have her do a "baby" eye chart where they pointed to a shape on the eye chart and she was suppose to point to the same one on the card I was holding. That didn't work at all.

Then they wanted her to put her chin and head on a device so they could look at her eyes and get some measurements. She just wouldn't do that at all. Luckily, she did really well with some of the other exams and the doctor was able to see her lazy eye and also check the back of her retina.

Although I did give my the doctor the side eye when she asked me, "Does she ever complain to you about having double vision?" Um.. no she's two, is just starting to talk, and I don't think she has a clue what double vision is.

They wouldn't let Eli and Marcus come back with us which upset her (Eli was with us because he had to get some labs drawn). I mentioned that sometimes she's more cooperative if she sees Eli do something first so I mentioned that and the doctor thought it was worth trying.

When the doctor told her assistance I heard the assistance say, "That's not going to work her brother is younger than she is. We shouldn't even bother." She was incredibly rude. I wanted to interrupt their conversation but didn't and we brought Eli back and clarified they were the same age. Eli did all the exams without any issue but Emmy was done.

Long story short, Emmy is getting classes to hopefully help strengthen the left eye. The doctor is hoping that since we caught it young that we can avoid any patching or more extensive measures. So we'll see.
~~~~~
After the eye doctor we went to lunch and then the bookstore (part of my birthday celebration). Then Marcus and the kids baked a cake and cooked my favorite dinner.

It was a great day until Eli threw a flashlight at my eye which resulted in a cut, severe pain on the entire left side of my face.

You could tell he felt really bad and he started crying. Then he kept hugging me and saying sorry mommy.

Later during bedtime prayers we got to the part where we pray for our families and say "Thank you for mommy, daddy etc. etc." Emmy said, "Mommy owie bubba." So she prayed for me... or something.

I'll post pictures tomorrow. My face is throbbing like crazy. I knew his habit of throwing everything was going to hurt somebody one day.

I can't wait...

2011-09-19T23:58:00.000-07:00

One of my very best friends from grad. school is getting married in a couple of weeks and I've been counting down the days for months.

We were all together in June for another wedding and it was so so nice to see them again.

Some of my very best friends at the wedding in June.

Random side tangent. Everyone in my house is asleep right now it's 11:55pm and I heard a lot of noise outside our backdoor. I'm so hoping it's a random cat or a raccoon. I ran and told Marcus that we were potentially going to be murdered (I'm not dramatic or anything). His response was, "I don't care."

I'm guessing he's going with the raccoon theory. I'm debating whether or or not I should investigate. Now this post is all of focus. And I pretty much forgot where I was going with it except to say I can't wait to see my friends.

"The blessings of Harvest"...

2011-09-19T19:18:00.000-07:00

Today a man came to the door that I didn't know. This is not really unusual. It's well known in the town that the pastor lives in this house and so we often get people stopping by with all manner of requests.

The man asked, "Are you associated with the church next door?"

I told him I was the pastor and he told me that somebody named Axxx Mcxxxx said to bring me some pears and apples. I didn't recognize the name and I didn't know the man at the door but he walked to his truck and brought us these.

Three large

full of apples and pears. He told us the trees were more than full and this was just an abundance.

Eli and Emerson are both fascinated with the big buckets full of fruit.

Eli tried carrying the bucket he didn't get very far.

The amount of fresh produce available in this area is so astounding to me. Since moving here we've been gifted an incredible amount of food. Not to mention the fruit that grows on the trees in our backyard.

I think it's my turn now to pass on some of this fruit to others in my congregation. Maybe if I'm feeling super ambitious I'll make apple pie and applesauce. Never mind that I don't really "make" anything. I might as well try right?

Another bad idea...

2011-09-18T17:37:00.000-07:00

I've learned that lots of things may appear to be good ideas but when you add two year old twins to the mix it just turns into a disaster.

The newest bad idea of mine was to go for a run. Which isn't so bad, except Marcus wanted to come, which also means Eli & Emmy had to come along for the ride.

Since we both hate running with the stroller I had the bright idea that we would go to the track at the high school. Marcus and I would run and Eli and Emerson could play in the middle of the big grassy field. Brilliant!

It started off okay. Marcus and I began our first lap and Eli and Emerson were playing happily. Then they looked up and saw us at the end of the first straight and so they both took off running after us.

Okay, that too was fine. Until we kept moving away from them, thus confusing them, and they both started crying. So we towards them and then Emerson decided she was going to run with me around the track. It was a valiant effort from my sweet girl and she actually did really well but of course no one was expecting her to actually run a quarter of a mile.

So in all Marcus ran 1 lap and I ran 1.5 laps. Major fail. But I think Eli and Emerson may be runners, especially Emmy. Looks like from here on out Marcus and I are going to need to stagger our running times.

What I read in August...

2011-09-17T18:46:00.000-07:00

I'm only slightly late in this post. Oops. Before I get to that I want to share a picture first

She looked so old to me. We were sitting on the stools and she grabbed a nectarine and just sat there reading her book with extreme concentration. She reminded me of myself to be honest. Perhaps she even learned the art of reading and eating from her mother. I so hope she always loves books.

Anyways August was another slow reading month for me. Such is life I suppose. Here's what I read

1.) Unbroken: A World War II Story of Survival, Resilience, and Redemption by Laura Hillenbrand

2.) The Wife's Tale by Lori Lansens

3.) Midwives by Chris Bohjalian

4.) The Nanny Diaries by Emma McLaughlin

5.) Night by Elie Wiesel

Total read this month: 5

Total Read in 2011: 66

Number of pages: 1626

You can see what I read in June & August here

Reading Goal Update: At the beginning of the year I had a goal of reading 150 books. It seemed really doable considering the amount I read last year. However what I failed to account for was full time employment and moving a couple of times. I'm still hoping to break the 100 mark but I really need to pick up the pace. Maybe I'll throw a few YA books into the mix (I love them but they're always really quick reads for me).

The End of an Era...

2011-09-15T19:54:00.000-07:00

Yesterday at nap time Eli was doing some crib hopping. So we moved the cribs apart from one another thinking that would solve the problem. Except when I went to check on them he was just wandering around the room. I put him back in his crib and left again. When I checked again he was in his sister's crib. So clearly he could successfully get in and out of his crib and I was worried he was going to break his head open. So good-bye cribs. Hello toddler beds.

So sad. They were beyond excited though. Seriously bouncing around, running everywhere. We were pretty sure that last night was going to be a disaster.

Notice that the crib hopping didn't stop. Now it's just bed hopping. We had to go in a few times because they were running back and forth from one bed to the next. But it didn't take them very long to fall asleep and when they did...

Everything ended up in one bed. All the blankets, stuffed animals and both kids.

Around midnight we heard a *thump* and we ran in to discover Eli had fallen out of the bed. Hilariously enough he didn't wake up from the fall and even slept through the transition back to his bed.(Please excuse their "pajamas" their real PJs were dirty so they're wearing oversized March of Dimes T-shirts).

Nap time today was another story. Oh my lord. They totally trashed the place. Took everything off the bed, took everything out of their drawers, took all their diapers and threw them everywhere. Luckily, there's not really a whole lot in their room, but they were not good at all. I'm not sure what to do about that. So here goes night #2.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~Update night #2~~~~~~~~~~~~

It took a little longer tonight for them to go to sleep. They kept getting out of their beds. When we would catch them out of their beds Eli would dive head first back into bed and then pretend to sleep. Emmy just ignored me. They eventually fell asleep. Once again in the same bed. (They also tore the sheets off. That drives me crazy.)